Venting Another thread about loneliness

[whatevs]

Today my mother came with her friend, they went for a walk. My father went for a walk earlier with his friend, asked me if I want to tag along. My brother left the house hours ago, with his friend, to join his friends to do whatever youngster summer thing. This is really starting to get to me.

I used to have friends 9 years ago, before my chronic illnesses took them from me. Seeing all my family members having people that want to hang around with them makes me feel like there's something horribly wrong with me. And I know there is, no matter what ills there are in society and will mean a violent downfall, there's something wrong with me. If it was that my cousin abused me or that I was officially rejected by my first group of friends, something didn't develop right. And now I'm also too exhausted to have a life.

But I can't be another person. I'm commited to this narrative branch and I have to ride it out. What a fucking barren period for this character, like who wrote this shit?! This summer I will try the last medical treatment for my unrefreshing sleep and if it fails I will have to end this story. It had its high moments but it isn't doing it for me anymore.

 

[silentvoice]

I'm sorry to hear that. I can't say much other than I'm in the same boat as you so I know how it feels. You deserve better though.

 

[Klophy]

I used to have a few people i talked to, they drifted away long ago. The loneliness is heartbreaking.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Yeah, I can remember back when I had friends. My life, for whatever reason, didn't take the same track as them, i.e. marriage, kids, etc., and we just drifted apart. To be honest, though, I changed, too. I stopped drinking and smoking pot, so all of those friendships I had with people who, also, did that kind of thing, sort of, organically, just faded away. And married people do "couple" things, mostly, which, pretty much, has always left me out of the equation. To be honest, I never had a desire to be a third-wheel, especially if it were for pity's sake, based on my perception, even if that wasn't entirely true. Now that all of my family has passed-away, the hours of loneliness are excruciating. It is. Not that it isn't something I'm used to, though. Maybe ironically, what's keeping me going now is getting my affairs in order to some degree, but that won't last forever, and I certainly won't even allow it to last for too long. But, I must admit, my life, the loneliness, the despair, has devolved into another stage. Honestly, I didn't see this one coming, at least not to this extreme. It all happened pretty much all at once, too, with the passing of all my relatives in my area in a few short years, culminating with the death of my mother last year. No, I don't have the physical pain, at least not yet, that many here on SS do, except, maybe that caused by severe depression, but I know it's not all that far off, and I just can't contemplate being in this world when that happens, with absolutely no one on my side. Nope. That's a movie for which I don't want to see the ending, let alone live it. This is, perhaps, the most compelling reason that I must go.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

It is really disheartening and discouraging to be a fledgling adult and seeing both younger and older people living it up while you're trapped in a very lonesome and disparaging situation. As usual, I relate completely, both on the autism front and the physical disability which sucks away any chance of having a typical social life.

I can't imagine how much it sucks to be surrounded by people who have what's been lost long ago, and feels just out of your grasp. Seeing strangers living happy, carefree lives full of nights out traveling and partying with their mates really twists the knife for me, so I acknowledge how much worse it must feel to be a distant observer watching those scenes play out with close family members as the characters instead.

My theory about this sort of loneliness is that there's a sweet spot in adolescence where people form really solid bonds, and after that it can be nearly impossible to find decent connections because most people's lives are full so to speak. What I mean by this is that they've gone through the years accumulating more relationships as if they're trying to 100% life with every collectible in their save file. Their circle starts to approach Dunbar's number and thus these individuals will prioritise their long lasting relationships, especially as life grows busier and more stressful.

Being aware of one's limitations also makes it hard to surpass this inevitable obstacle, because most people are going to choose the most convenient and low maintenance relationships available to them. As jaded and blackpilled as it sounds, disabled people seem to only be valued in our relationships when these bonds are long term and the other person has seen a more able bodied version of ourselves who can provide them with more entertainment.

This phenomenon really shines when the cliche advice for finding friendships in adulthood almost always centers around finding local sports, fitness classes, or meetup groups that will typically result in nothing but lukewarm acquaintances, especially if one isn't healthy enough to passionately dedicate themselves towards a hobby.

Where is the solution here? It seems like loneliness has become a solid fixture of modern life, nonetheless, it is pure agony to be disadvantaged and then alone too. Mourning for what we used to have is even more of a kick in the teeth. Like you, every friend I have made throughout my life has come and gone, but it's the ones who were a fixture for so long whose departure and alienation cuts the deepest.

 

[almaranthine]

It is really disheartening and discouraging to be a fledgling adult and seeing both younger and older people living it up while you're trapped in a very lonesome and disparaging situation. As usual, I relate completely, both on the autism front and the physical disability which sucks away any chance of having a typical social life.

I can't imagine how much it sucks to be surrounded by people who have what's been lost long ago, and feels just out of your grasp. Seeing strangers living happy, carefree lives full of nights out traveling and partying with their mates really twists the knife for me, so I acknowledge how much worse it must feel to be a distant observer watching those scenes play out with close family members as the characters instead.

My theory about this sort of loneliness is that there's a sweet spot in adolescence where people form really solid bonds, and after that it can be nearly impossible to find decent connections because most people's lives are full so to speak. What I mean by this is that they've gone through the years accumulating more relationships as if they're trying to 100% life with every collectible in their save file. Their circle starts to approach Dunbar's number and thus these individuals will prioritise their long lasting relationships, especially as life grows busier and more stressful.

Being aware of one's limitations also makes it hard to surpass this inevitable obstacle, because most people are going to choose the most convenient and low maintenance relationships available to them. As jaded and blackpilled as it sounds, disabled people seem to only be valued in our relationships when these bonds are long term and the other person has seen a more able bodied version of ourselves who can provide them with more entertainment.

This phenomenon really shines when the cliche advice for finding friendships in adulthood almost always centers around finding local sports, fitness classes, or meetup groups that will typically result in nothing but lukewarm acquaintances, especially if one isn't healthy enough to passionately dedicate themselves towards a hobby.

Where is the solution here? It seems like loneliness has become a solid fixture of modern life, nonetheless, it is pure agony to be disadvantaged and then alone too. Mourning for what we used to have is even more of a kick in the teeth. Like you, every friend I have made throughout my life has come and gone, but it's the ones who were a fixture for so long whose departure and alienation cuts the deepest.

Their "lives are full" is exactly how I've seen it as well. I abstractly envision people with a little checklist over their heads. Boxes checked for "familial relationships," "romantic relationships," "best friend," "long term friends," "work friends," etc. with all those boxes checked... those people just don't have room in their lives to turn their attention towards someone new and genuinely value them so, a person like me... with no checked boxes, is never going to even grace their world. Decent folks will keep you at a distance, so you don't feel led on. Regardless... having all those empty boxes is a very desolate feeling, and statistically there aren't many people out there all empty like you either... it's a sad time, that is for sure; once you've passed that point of connecting at a "normal" pace with others your age it's as though you are cursed with loneliness.

 

[whatevs]

It is really disheartening and discouraging to be a fledgling adult and seeing both younger and older people living it up while you're trapped in a very lonesome and disparaging situation. As usual, I relate completely, both on the autism front and the physical disability which sucks away any chance of having a typical social life.

I can't imagine how much it sucks to be surrounded by people who have what's been lost long ago, and feels just out of your grasp. Seeing strangers living happy, carefree lives full of nights out traveling and partying with their mates really twists the knife for me, so I acknowledge how much worse it must feel to be a distant observer watching those scenes play out with close family members as the characters instead.

My theory about this sort of loneliness is that there's a sweet spot in adolescence where people form really solid bonds, and after that it can be nearly impossible to find decent connections because most people's lives are full so to speak. What I mean by this is that they've gone through the years accumulating more relationships as if they're trying to 100% life with every collectible in their save file. Their circle starts to approach Dunbar's number and thus these individuals will prioritise their long lasting relationships, especially as life grows busier and more stressful.

Being aware of one's limitations also makes it hard to surpass this inevitable obstacle, because most people are going to choose the most convenient and low maintenance relationships available to them. As jaded and blackpilled as it sounds, disabled people seem to only be valued in our relationships when these bonds are long term and the other person has seen a more able bodied version of ourselves who can provide them with more entertainment.

This phenomenon really shines when the cliche advice for finding friendships in adulthood almost always centers around finding local sports, fitness classes, or meetup groups that will typically result in nothing but lukewarm acquaintances, especially if one isn't healthy enough to passionately dedicate themselves towards a hobby.

Where is the solution here? It seems like loneliness has become a solid fixture of modern life, nonetheless, it is pure agony to be disadvantaged and then alone too. Mourning for what we used to have is even more of a kick in the teeth. Like you, every friend I have made throughout my life has come and gone, but it's the ones who were a fixture for so long whose departure and alienation cuts the deepest.

There's definitely a time in our developmental stage, around early teen ages IMO, where the human species is wired for, or finds the ideal conditions to, create long lasting bonds, and it isn't adulthood. From what I've seen, most long-term friendships trace back to at least highschool, often earlier.

Of course, if we add to that being someone that talks incessantly about how horrible they have slept or that cannot even drink a beer without feeling sick, the fun factor becomes infinitesimal. My lack of rest also has a distinct effect on humour, making me much more prone to bitterness than joviality.

For some reason lack of friends has always cut me much deeper than not fucking, 'not being intimate', 'not having your special one', etc. I understand that can be very rewarding but to me the social alienation starts with friendlessness, not lack of romance.

 

[HopefulButPrepared]

Both of my friends, I met when I was 12. Even the people I don't speak to regularly any more, but I would stop to talk to in the street, are people from school. It makes sense really - thousands of years ago, you would bond with your tribe who need to work with every day to survive all sorts of frightening things, then you die when you're 40 or 50, or maybe earlier. We're not designed to make new friends at 30, when our lives are probably nearly over.

 

[whatevs]

Both of my friends, I met when I was 12. Even the people I don't speak to regularly any more, but I would stop to talk to in the street, are people from school. It makes sense really - thousands of years ago, you would bond with your tribe who need to work with every day to survive all sorts of frightening things, then you die when you're 40 or 50, or maybe earlier. We're not designed to make new friends at 30, when our lives are probably nearly over.

Based and Evolutionary-Biology-pilled.

Though I did make some friends later, the bond never felt as firm as the ones I did in highschool. I feel like in the right conditions I would have maintained these relationships for a lifetime.

 

[Demon9]

I've been wanting to commit suicide for almost 2 years now but I can't because my whole body is paralyze I can't even move my arms so please someone help me let's die together text me only if you're serious

 

[HopefulButPrepared]

Based and Evolutionary-Biology-pilled.

Though I did make some friends later, the bond never felt as firm as the ones I did in highschool. I feel like in the right conditions I would have maintained these relationships for a lifetime.

Even when I hear about people dying, it's always the kids from school who's deaths seem to mean more to me. I made one friend at a cleaning job as an adult, and we still talk now whenever we see each other on the street, but she was married, so she couldn't just make friends with a man, it's just not the done thing! But at work, we would talk and laugh constantly about life and stuff. She's just one of those people who are so easy to get on with and talk to - you can go without seeing them for a year, then see them in the supermarket and just carry on as if the last time you saw them was yesterday. Seem people just have a gift when it comes to socialising.