Venting Another night

[AnonymouslyBlue]

It's one of those nights again. I'm laying in bed, my SO is asleep and the house is quiet except for the air conditioning.

And I am alone.

Truly, alone.

I will fall asleep and tomorrow morning I will wake up and I'll be alone again. I will go onto social media and see the lives of my friends progress happily, unblemished and careless as they boast about what food they're eating and what song they're playing in the car.

None of them will stop to wonder. And I think that's what makes me feel so incredibly, painfully detached from everyone. They don't ask even when they all I know that I do ask for them. They don't invite me for outings but rather talk about it in front of me and then post about it every where for me to see. And I know that saying this makes me a terrible person. But I'm jealous, not of them but of what they have managed to do that I can't.

They're still together. Still talking, still making that effort to be in one another's life's. And I'm not. I know I've always been the background character, the one that walks behind the group because there is no space for me to walk alongside them.

But I guess it never really sinks in till I'm alone, here in this bed. In a quiet house.

Maybe there's something wrong with me. I never did have that true bond with anyone before, never had someone besides my SO to stop and want to include me in things.

But shit, it hurts.

So what am I doing wrong? Because you can't just go through this unwanted solitude and loneliness when you haven't done something wrong?

Then again, my life hasn't exactly been sunshine and rainbows either. Maybe in my past life I was some horrible thing and this is karma making me pay for it. One shitty year at a time.

Fuck. This sucks.

...
Just venting. Kinda the only place I have left to write openly.

 

[SinisterKid]

Never alone here.

Drop the social media, best thing I ever did. Its all so damned fake most of the time. Try finding ways to meet real people in the real world if at all possible and do things you enjoy. The rest is all gravy.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Social media in general can be depressing and extremely fake. You have your SO in your life so you could try to be more involved with them and maybe go out to do more things together. Friendships in general are very hard to maintain the older you get.

The feeling of loneliness can be very deep. This is a great community though and you can always reach out here if you need to just talk.

 

[Sunshine]

Shouldn't your SO be your best friend?

 

[Jean4]

It's one of those nights again. I'm laying in bed, my SO is asleep and the house is quiet except for the air conditioning.

And I am alone.

Truly, alone.

I will fall asleep and tomorrow morning I will wake up and I'll be alone again. I will go onto social media and see the lives of my friends progress happily, unblemished and careless as they boast about what food they're eating and what song they're playing in the car.

None of them will stop to wonder. And I think that's what makes me feel so incredibly, painfully detached from everyone. They don't ask even when they all I know that I do ask for them. They don't invite me for outings but rather talk about it in front of me and then post about it every where for me to see. And I know that saying this makes me a terrible person. But I'm jealous, not of them but of what they have managed to do that I can't.

They're still together. Still talking, still making that effort to be in one another's life's. And I'm not. I know I've always been the background character, the one that walks behind the group because there is no space for me to walk alongside them.

But I guess it never really sinks in till I'm alone, here in this bed. In a quiet house.

Maybe there's something wrong with me. I never did have that true bond with anyone before, never had someone besides my SO to stop and want to include me in things.

But shit, it hurts.

So what am I doing wrong? Because you can't just go through this unwanted solitude and loneliness when you haven't done something wrong?

Then again, my life hasn't exactly been sunshine and rainbows either. Maybe in my past life I was some horrible thing and this is karma making me pay for it. One shitty year at a time.

Fuck. This sucks.

...
Just venting. Kinda the only place I have left to write openly.

This is 100 percent my life. I understand completely.

 

[LonelyLight]

I feel you. I'm in bed too now, quiet house, I was alone all day in my room in this quiet house too, I hate it, what I wouldnt give to have someone beside me to talk to, like a real conversation.
I do have a partner but we don't live together,kinda complicated.
But anyways, just know, I feel your pain completely

 

[Stan]

Start to make your own memories. Do something different. Take a small but possibly significant risk.

 

[AnonymouslyBlue]

Shouldn't your SO be your best friend?

He is. But I've already told him everything and he's 100% aware of what's happening but he doesn't really grasp it. If that makes sense, he's already struggling so much with his own stuff that it seems cruel and unfair to expect him to deal with mine as well

 

[Brick In The Wall]

He is. But I've already told him everything and he's 100% aware of what's happening but he doesn't really grasp it. If that makes sense, he's already struggling so much with his own stuff that it seems cruel and unfair to expect him to deal with mine as well

You both need to be there for each other now more then ever. These types of situations will either push you apart or pull you together. I hope that this pulls you two together and you're both able to help each other through the tough times you're both facing.

 

[AnonymouslyBlue]

You're alone. But your SO is there having a nap. Same old story. FFS. Honestly, you lonely females - almost all of you are shacked up since your teens - don't really understand how damn lucky you are.

Harsh. Untrue.
Please don't judge or say things that you aren't aware of. It's disrespectful and not what this community is for. Please take that into consideration.

II'm not a shacked up female who should be grateful for how lucky I have it and my SO isn't having a nap. I come onto this forum to talk my thoughts without the fear of judgment. And you're ruining that for me. If you don't like what you read, don't make it a habit to hurt those who come here to get help and comfort.

Please.

 

[LonelyLight]

You're alone. But your SO is there having a nap. Same old story. FFS. Honestly, you lonely females - almost all of you are shacked up since your teens - don't really understand how damn lucky you are. You'd crumble in a month if you had to endure the real social isolation that ugly men have to endure.

You have a problem with women. You texted me something sly the other day too.

 

[SinisterKid]

That's the one thing about this place you get a plethora of opinion. Its all about choices. we all have the option to make choices. If you choose to sit alone, in a empty house, you cant complain about it if you do nothing to change the situation. Social media is no real substitute for real world interaction. I was a virtual recluse for years. This year, especially recently, I have made great efforts to change that. My one remaining friend now takes me out for a pint instead of sitting in my living room where I sit every friggin day. I go to pick my meds up once a week every week instead of expecting others to do it for me. I visit the local high street once a week to buy supplies like bread and milk when my partner is at work instead of leaving her to do it. I now chat with a homeless guy when I see him who is just a victim of circumstance.

If I am able to do that with all my issues and disability, then anyone can. But you have to want it and you have to make it happen. We cant do it for you. I know motivation can be something that we all lack. Somehow, you have to find enough to make a start. The more you do it, the easier it gets, by my experience so far anyway. You can do it too, I know you can.

And ignore Cocoa, just a fuckin troll.

 

[CrushedHopes]

You're alone. But your SO is there having a nap. Same old story. FFS. Honestly, you lonely females - almost all of you are shacked up since your teens - don't really understand how damn lucky you are. You'd crumble in a month if you had to endure the real social isolation that ugly old men have had to endure.

I hope you don't whine too much when you find that nobody is going to be compassionate with you even in your final moments. Screw off.

 

[LonelyLight]

?? Not sly. I commented that your post suggested to me that you were looking for an excuse to have an affair. I wasn't offering myself, which would be ridiculous, given that I'm probably on another continent to you.

I never said you offered yourself. I said sly. You came across very assuming in the message you sent me. That was my interpretation anyways. I did think I could have taken it wrong. However seeing the way you have commented on this post, I think my instinct was right.

 

[AnonymouslyBlue]

I know full well that no one will be. You are making my point for me. If I had someone, I wouldn't be claiming to be "totally alone", which would insensitive to those who actually are.

As I said before, you don't know the full story. I'm sorry if I've offended you in anyway. I was speaking my thoughts and feelings, but really you don't know anything about me or why I feel the way I do. Don't be so quick to jump to your own conclusions

 

[CrushedHopes]

I know full well that no one will be. You are making my point for me. If I had someone, I wouldn't be claiming to be "totally alone", which would insensitive to those who actually are.

You have no room to talk about insensitivity when you brutally attacked the OP for venting about her loneliness. What she needs is comfort and some encouragement. Get lost if you can't be compassionate enough to do that. Staying quiet if you can't be positive and supportive isn't that hard, you know.

AB, pay no mind to that asshat. If he keeps up with that behavior, they'll soon find themselves unable to continue trolling SS. It's going to happen whether he likes it or not.

 

[LonelyLight]

Oh yes, you can really pin down someone's personality on the basis of 25 words on a mental health forum...Your "instinct" is utterly devoid of information.

You've pinned it with your 36 word response to the OP.

 

[Spock87]

I feel for cause am in the same boat. I feel am only here for every else entertainment

 

[CrushedHopes]

Oh, sweet! Cocoa's banned for his assholery!

 

[LonelyLight]

Oh, sweet! Cocoa's banned for his assholery!

Thank god!! I hate arguing but hes a right pr*ck.

 

[Spock87]

I know full well that no one will be. You are making my point for me. If I had someone, I wouldn't be claiming to be "totally alone", which would insensitive to those who actually are.

I feel completely alone in a room full of people. Nobody bothers with me unless am cracking jokes or I can do something for them. No one takes the time out to know or understand me

 

[SinisterKid]

@AnonymouslyBlue I did couple counselling with my partner after leaving the psych ward about 3 years ago. It helped us communicate with each other. We now both actually listen to each other, which is something we had stopped doing. Maybe that might help you? If so, speak to your GP or CMHT and they can refer you if your partner is up for it.

 

[CrushedHopes]

I feel completely alone in a room full of people. Nobody bothers with me unless am cracking jokes or I can do something for them. No one takes the time out to know or understand me

I feel you. In those kinds of groups, I usually opt to just sit in a corner and play video games. Eventually, I just stopped hanging out with a group of friends altogether and just chat with people online, and played games at home. Now I can't even do that anymore, unfortunately.

How do you cope with your loneliness?

 

[Mloureiro]

It's one of those nights again. I'm laying in bed, my SO is asleep and the house is quiet except for the air conditioning.

And I am alone.

Truly, alone.

I will fall asleep and tomorrow morning I will wake up and I'll be alone again. I will go onto social media and see the lives of my friends progress happily, unblemished and careless as they boast about what food they're eating and what song they're playing in the car.

None of them will stop to wonder. And I think that's what makes me feel so incredibly, painfully detached from everyone. They don't ask even when they all I know that I do ask for them. They don't invite me for outings but rather talk about it in front of me and then post about it every where for me to see. And I know that saying this makes me a terrible person. But I'm jealous, not of them but of what they have managed to do that I can't.

They're still together. Still talking, still making that effort to be in one another's life's. And I'm not. I know I've always been the background character, the one that walks behind the group because there is no space for me to walk alongside them.

But I guess it never really sinks in till I'm alone, here in this bed. In a quiet house.

Maybe there's something wrong with me. I never did have that true bond with anyone before, never had someone besides my SO to stop and want to include me in things.

But shit, it hurts.

So what am I doing wrong? Because you can't just go through this unwanted solitude and loneliness when you haven't done something wrong?

Then again, my life hasn't exactly been sunshine and rainbows either. Maybe in my past life I was some horrible thing and this is karma making me pay for it. One shitty year at a time.

Fuck. This sucks.

...
Just venting. Kinda the only place I have left to write openly.

It's one of those nights again. I'm laying in bed, my SO is asleep and the house is quiet except for the air conditioning.

And I am alone.

Truly, alone.

I will fall asleep and tomorrow morning I will wake up and I'll be alone again. I will go onto social media and see the lives of my friends progress happily, unblemished and careless as they boast about what food they're eating and what song they're playing in the car.

None of them will stop to wonder. And I think that's what makes me feel so incredibly, painfully detached from everyone. They don't ask even when they all I know that I do ask for them. They don't invite me for outings but rather talk about it in front of me and then post about it every where for me to see. And I know that saying this makes me a terrible person. But I'm jealous, not of them but of what they have managed to do that I can't.

They're still together. Still talking, still making that effort to be in one another's life's. And I'm not. I know I've always been the background character, the one that walks behind the group because there is no space for me to walk alongside them.

But I guess it never really sinks in till I'm alone, here in this bed. In a quiet house.

Maybe there's something wrong with me. I never did have that true bond with anyone before, never had someone besides my SO to stop and want to include me in things.

But shit, it hurts.

So what am I doing wrong? Because you can't just go through this unwanted solitude and loneliness when you haven't done something wrong?

Then again, my life hasn't exactly been sunshine and rainbows either. Maybe in my past life I was some horrible thing and this is karma making me pay for it. One shitty year at a time.

Fuck. This sucks.

...
Just venting. Kinda the only place I have left to write openly.

Dear friend, if you allow to call me that, you described my life. Hardly see my s/o. Either working or sleeping on the couch. I work 12 hours a day plus house chores and he is never here. I am alone also in a quiet house after a shitty day in an awful job. Have everything to CTB.... wherever. I feel your pain, so many people and you feel completely alone...

 

[Spock87]

I feel you. In those kinds of groups, I usually opt to just sit in a corner and play video games. Eventually, I just stopped hanging out with a group of friends altogether and just chat with people online, and played games at home. Now I can't even do that anymore, unfortunately.

I get forced to go. I have told it's good for you to get out even though it's not makes things worse and if I don't want to go I get nag and nag

 

[Mloureiro]

Dear friend, if you allow to call me that, you described my life. Hardly see my s/o. Either working or sleeping on the couch. I work 12 hours a day plus house chores and he is never here. I am alone also in a quiet house after a shitty day in an awful job. Have everything to CTB.... wherever. I feel your pain, so many people arpund and you feel completely alone...

 

[CrushedHopes]

I get forced to go. I have told it's good for you to get out even though it's not makes things worse and if I don't want to go I get nag and nag

Honestly, only you get to decide if real life social interactions are good for you. Some people are introverts, and they prefer to stick to themselves. Are you experiencing any other problems in your life, besides not finding your place in social settings?

 

[painoflife]

It's one of those nights again. I'm laying in bed, my SO is asleep and the house is quiet except for the air conditioning.

And I am alone.

Truly, alone.

I will fall asleep and tomorrow morning I will wake up and I'll be alone again. I will go onto social media and see the lives of my friends progress happily, unblemished and careless as they boast about what food they're eating and what song they're playing in the car.

None of them will stop to wonder. And I think that's what makes me feel so incredibly, painfully detached from everyone. They don't ask even when they all I know that I do ask for them. They don't invite me for outings but rather talk about it in front of me and then post about it every where for me to see. And I know that saying this makes me a terrible person. But I'm jealous, not of them but of what they have managed to do that I can't.

They're still together. Still talking, still making that effort to be in one another's life's. And I'm not. I know I've always been the background character, the one that walks behind the group because there is no space for me to walk alongside them.

But I guess it never really sinks in till I'm alone, here in this bed. In a quiet house.

Maybe there's something wrong with me. I never did have that true bond with anyone before, never had someone besides my SO to stop and want to include me in things.

But shit, it hurts.

So what am I doing wrong? Because you can't just go through this unwanted solitude and loneliness when you haven't done something wrong?

Then again, my life hasn't exactly been sunshine and rainbows either. Maybe in my past life I was some horrible thing and this is karma making me pay for it. One shitty year at a time.

Fuck. This sucks.

...
Just venting. Kinda the only place I have left to write openly.

It feels like you are writing about me here, I'm sorry you also feel like this

 

[Spock87]

Honestly, only you get to decide if real life social interactions are good for you. Some people are introverts, and they prefer to stick to themselves. Are you experiencing any other problems in your life, besides not finding your place in social settings?

I have a lot going on tbh. I know sometime in the near future I will be c.t.b I have a method.i just don't feel like being here its the same shit everyday there us no escape expect death

 

[CrushedHopes]

I have a lot going on tbh. I know sometime in the near future I will be c.t.b I have a method.i just don't feel like being here its the same shit everyday there us no escape expect death

I am so sorry to hear that. You have my condolences. What is your CTB method?