Venting Another night

[another@]

Another night where I know no-one cares about me. Even my cat only feigns interest until I give it attention. Why can't I just do it already? I came back to this forum 4 times so far. Always drawn away by the fucking pro-lifers: telling me "if I just call this person..." Well I looked up all the things. It's pointless. I've practically been ghosted by "support systems" and my siblings hate me. When someone wants to talk to me about my problems there's a 100% chance they'll ask if I've "thought about moving out". Same goddamn condescending tone I've heard all my life is what I get for being plagued by my unnatural ability to give a damn about people who would throw me in a river if they got the chance. When I say that I do want to leave desperately they shut up, because their meager mask of sympathy has failed them. But I know damn well they were just convinced from the start that I didn't have problems. Because to them I'm just an insignificant toddler waiting to have my dreams broken for their amusement, who lives in an abusive household because "I'm lazy". Now I need to feel guilty for my inability to move out instead. Tell me, which situation should I tell you to not be guilt-tripped for something that is beyond my control: if I want to move out, or if I don't want to move out? I wish I could show them how it really feels by blowing my brains out with a handgun. But I doubt I'll ever get the fucking chance. Hooray

 

[BroodingBleu]

I can understand the pain that parents cause their children with the way they speak to their kids, especially during delicate times with mental health, and their lack of awareness contributes to further verbal abuse, whether intentional or not. I have struggled with my mental illness for a long time before I ever got officially diagnosed. Now I look back at it, and remain very bitter towards my unknowing parents for the words they used towards me, saying that my lack of self-care related tasks meant I was just being "lazy" or that I was a pig.

I reflect back on it, and I know they didn't intend to traumatize me in that way, but they just didn't know what I was dealing with when they weren't around, and behind their backs.

In a stoic sort of way, it relieves me when I see people out there than can empathize with those types of struggles, thank you for venting and I am truly sorry for what you have to endure in your life.

 

[whywere]

I have mentioned this before about my "parents" calling me "the mistake". With that said and also having over 66 years of life experience, I really understand where you are coming from.

I do want to say that I REALLY do care about and for you very much, no b.s. ever. It is like some of the mental health places that I had the unfortunate experience of having given them lots of money to hear standard bull crap.

One thing that I would like to mention is the fact that everyone on here is kind, caring and ever so helpful.

I know that is hard but as you may already know, try to filter out the canned mental health speak and focus on you. I have done this for over 40 years and after all of this time, I can tell pretty quickly if someone truly feels for me or is just giving me lip service, which I so despise.

I really 100% mean it when I say that I consider you a good friend, want the best for you, whatever that may be, and I stand with you always. Being almost 67, I love helping folks and making them feel good about themselves.

Sending you lots of caring hugs, and more importantly understanding, as you are a precious soul.

Walter

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that it's true that most people don't really care, they are very self centred and only care about what directly affects themselves and this is just the way that people are. But in this world many people can certainly be very insensitive and invalidating which is why it's for the best not to open up at all to them in my opinion. A lot of people won't even try to understand and will instead just be dismissive. But anyway I'm sorry that you suffer. This world is undeniably such a cruel place.

 

[WaitingToGo]

I think that it's true that most people don't really care, they are very self centred and only care about what directly affects themselves and this is just the way that people are. But in this world many people can certainly be very insensitive and invalidating which is why it's for the best not to open up at all to them in my opinion. A lot of people won't even try to understand and will instead just be dismissive. But anyway I'm sorry that you suffer. This world is undeniably such a cruel place.

Too true. when I let my brother know yesterday that I was seriously considering euthanasia he said " don't do that just think how Mum and dad would feel"
I was lost for words. Both my parents have passed

 

[Hendo]

Another night where I know no-one cares about me. Even my cat only feigns interest until I give it attention. Why can't I just do it already? I came back to this forum 4 times so far. Always drawn away by the fucking pro-lifers: telling me "if I just call this person..." Well I looked up all the things. It's pointless. I've practically been ghosted by "support systems" and my siblings hate me. When someone wants to talk to me about my problems there's a 100% chance they'll ask if I've "thought about moving out". Same goddamn condescending tone I've heard all my life is what I get for being plagued by my unnatural ability to give a damn about people who would throw me in a river if they got the chance. When I say that I do want to leave desperately they shut up, because their meager mask of sympathy has failed them. But I know damn well they were just convinced from the start that I didn't have problems. Because to them I'm just an insignificant toddler waiting to have my dreams broken for their amusement, who lives in an abusive household because "I'm lazy". Now I need to feel guilty for my inability to move out instead. Tell me, which situation should I tell you to not be guilt-tripped for something that is beyond my control: if I want to move out, or if I don't want to move out? I wish I could show them how it really feels by blowing my brains out with a handgun. But I doubt I'll ever get the fucking chance. Hooray

Wow that sounds terrible, I have no intention of changing your mind, but if you ever need someone to talk to you can contact me on discord (trees#8610).