Story Another lonely Friday night

[Suicide_vampire]

Yet another lonely Friday night, I'm tired of this recovery lark. I mean when do things ever get better. I keep struggling on and all I ever get is the same old situation. What's the point anymore.
I'm great when it comes to giving others advice, but myself I never seem to get there, the wave I ride is all troughs never peaks.
Just so tired

 

[Pryras]

I get you, it's way easier for me to give advice than actually apply it to myself too. Sometimes the good moments are so few and far between and what you experience feels like a continuous wave of grief.

What's keeping me here is curiosity. I don't know what's to come and I'll never know if I end it now. Sometimes I don't care and the impulsiveness runs through it but I'm holding on for something (I don't know what)

Your wave will have its peaks it's just a longer journey to get there.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

That's me too. Pretty good at advice but never listen to it. Yeah another sodding Friday night. I wish I could go out and prop up the bar somewhere.

 

[Suicide_vampire]

I get you, it's way easier for me to give advice than actually apply it to myself too. Sometimes the good moments are so few and far between and what you experience feels like a continuous wave of grief.

What's keeping me here is curiosity. I don't know what's to come and I'll never know if I end it now. Sometimes I don't care and the impulsiveness runs through it but I'm holding on for something (I don't know what)

Your wave will have its peaks it's just a longer journey to get there.

I hold out for moments of happiness it's all I get. And these moments come from going to gigs, so I book lots of gigs well in advance. It keeps me going I have gigs booked up till December this year 13 in total so far.

That's me too. Pretty good at advice but never listen to it. Yeah another sodding Friday night. I wish I could go out and prop up the bar somewhere.

No bars near me I live out in the sticks

 

[Epsilon0]

Here's me putting the kettle on and making everybody a cup of tea.

Lonely hearts' club is now open!

 

[Suicide_vampire]

Here's me putting the kettle on and making everybody a cup of tea.

Lonely hearts' club is now open!

Exactly.... I'm on the beer

 

[Deleted member 1465]

We should take it to the SS lounge and get a drink there.

 

[Suicide_vampire]

And all cry into our beer haha

 

[CuddleHug]

At least you're not sitting in a waiting room full of mentally broken people, waiting to see a doctor so you can get hospitalized like me. Been here for almost 4 hours now... Just want to go home, but I'm locked in, so what can I do? xD

What a shitty Friday night indeed. Here, have some hugs

 

[Deleted member 1465]

At least you're not sitting in a waiting room full of mentally broken people, waiting to see a doctor so you can get hospitalized like me. Been here for almost 4 hours now... Just want to go home, but I'm locked in, so what can I do? xD

What a shitty Friday night indeed. Here, have some hugs

Nooooooo what a nightmare! What happened?

 

[Epsilon0]

I copy-catted your thread, just so you know, @Suicide_vampire

:-)

 

[CuddleHug]

Nooooooo what a nightmare! What happened?

The realisation that I'm completely stuck. If I'm not going to CTB, I know I will eventually end up hospitalized sooner or later anyway. Might as well get it over with. Main goal is to try some new medicines or ECT (that scares me, though).

 

[Midnight]

I feel you ... 15-20 years and counting of this godforsaken shit. I don't think i can get any more fed up with it. Can't say i didn't try though.

Sorry to hear alot of us have been this way for so long.

 

[Suicide_vampire]

I copy-catted your thread, just so you know, @Suicide_vampire

:-)

Yes I noticed, what is it they say great minds think alike, or is it fools never differ

The realisation that I'm completely stuck. If I'm not going to CTB, I know I will eventually end up hospitalized sooner or later anyway. Might as well get it over with. Main goal is to try some new medicines or ECT (that scares me, though).

I'm approaching my psychiatrist on the 23rd of the month to ask about ECT

 

[Deleted member 1465]

The realisation that I'm completely stuck. If I'm not going to CTB, I know I will eventually end up hospitalized sooner or later anyway. Might as well get it over with. Main goal is to try some new medicines or ECT (that scares me, though).

Bless you CuddleHug. I hope it goes well for you and I'm sorry you are at that stage. At least you are being proactive and taking it on yourself. Sounds like you need a hug.

 

[Epsilon0]

@Suicide_vampire

I am definitely a fool.
Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit.

(Shakespeare, who else?)

 

[Suicide_vampire]

I'd love to just go to hospital and get help but I'm scared of what will happen, I was treated poorly last time I was in but that was about 15 years ago

 

[CuddleHug]

I'm approaching my psychiatrist on the 23rd of the month to ask about ECT

I've heard a lot of good things about it, but also some horror stories I'd rather avoid. If I do get to try it, I'll make sure to post about my experiences!

Bless you CuddleHug. I hope it goes well for you and I'm sorry you are at that stage. At least you are being proactive and taking it on yourself. Sounds like you need a hug.

What, a hug?! How DARE you?! I'm the one who should give you a hug. *hugs*

Also, sorry @Suicide_vampire for kinda hijacking your thread. I was mostly just trying to share your loneliness and misery a bit xD

 

[Suicide_vampire]

It's fine don't worry about it, threads are here for all of us. They are no one persons property

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I really do feel like there should be some sad country music playing in the background.

 

[Epsilon0]

I really do feel like there should be some sad country music playing in the background.

Sad country music from me to you.

 

[Suicide_vampire]

I really do feel like there should be some sad country music playing in the background.

Best country song title I ever heard was "There's tears in my ears from crying over you"

 

[CuddleHug]

I'd love to just go to hospital and get help but I'm scared of what will happen, I was treated poorly last time I was in but that was about 15 years ago

In my country, it seems psychiatric hospitals/wards are somewhat reliable. My experiences have varied, but overall I've been satisfied. Like, it's not a pleasant environment, but compared to wallowing in your own misery and never getting the proper help through normal channels, it can be worth it.

Edit: I'm going to stop using my phone now because I'm running low on battery and I will need it if they for some reason send me home rather that admit me. Hugs to you both~

 

[Suicide_vampire]

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I always identified with this song. Like most people I first heard of Chris via the Garth Brooks song.
I watched his son ride in the local Kaycee rodeo many years ago.
This is stone cold cowboy music with heart.

 

[oxymoron]

Yet another lonely Friday night, I'm tired of this recovery lark. I mean when do things ever get better. I keep struggling on and all I ever get is the same old situation. What's the point anymore.
I'm great when it comes to giving others advice, but myself I never seem to get there, the wave I ride is all troughs never peaks.
Just so tired

Been that way since Nov 2018.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Ahhh this makes me maudlin

 

[Suicide_vampire]

Was just thinking my ideal way to go.... First take out a large loan (there's no one left behind who would be responsible for it), fly to the states. Rent a beautiful mustang, drive from New York to Vegas... Have a crazy weekend in Vegas then on the Monday purchase a fire arm drive out to the desert with my favourite tunes, watch the sun go down then goodbye cruel world.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Was just thinking my ideal way to go.... First take out a large loan (there's no one left behind who would be responsible for it), fly to the states. Rent a beautiful mustang, drive from New York to Vegas... Have a crazy weekend in Vegas then on the Monday purchase a fire arm drive out to the desert with my favourite tunes, watch the sun go down then goodbye cruel world.

That's such a rock n roll way to go.

 

[Epsilon0]

Was just thinking my ideal way to go.... First take out a large loan (there's no one left behind who would be responsible for it), fly to the states. Rent a beautiful mustang, drive from New York to Vegas... Have a crazy weekend in Vegas then on the Monday purchase a fire arm drive out to the desert with my favourite tunes, watch the sun go down then goodbye cruel world.

That is probably one of the last things in this world I would ever consider doing.
But, good luck to you!