Another failure

[Darmok]

I tried again yesterday evening. I took a overdose of oxy to try to relax me. Then I tried to hang myself (partial suspension) early evening. Started to feel my extremities drift off, then stood up. Took some more oxy to try to relax myself.

And then I sort of lay there on the couch, neither asleep nor awake, overnight. This morning has bouts between sleeping and vomiting up yesterday's food.

And now I am back at work. I am tired as depressed. I wonder if I will succeed if I try again this evening, but without oxy this time.

 

[dinosavr]

I'm really sorry you're going through this :(

I hope you can find peace.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry u have to go through this. Partial isn't as easy as it looks. I wish you good luck with your plan. May you find peace with whatever you decide to do.

 

[Dliena]

Wishing you eternal peace and no more hurt to hurt you ever again.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you find the freedom you search for, I find it extremely cruel how it's so unnecessarily difficult to die on our own terms.

 

[Darmok]

Mad at myself because I still can't do it. I sort of start to feel tingly. And as that is setting in, I eventually just stand up. One moment I did get an actual start of something sudden that might have led to death, but I panicked and stood up Methods other than partial suspension aren't really viable for me.

I hate this. I want out. I want my life to end. I don't want any of this anymore, yet I can'tuster the fortitude and will to go through with my suicide.

I hate life. And I hate myself for being too weak to end it.