another failed attempt open to suggestions

[worstOFsociety]

I've tried ctb many many times but SI have always come in the way or I just didn't take enough pills when it comes to my OD attemps which happened a few years back before I realized how unreliable this method actually is. My last ctb attempt was like a week ago. Did a decent amount of research when it comes to drowning and made an attempt at drowning myself which clearly didn't work sense I'm here. I tried taking melatonin and alcohol in an attempt to make myself drowsy and eventually pass out in the water which worked to a degree. I mean I did become drowsy asf and nearly passed out but was just on the verge between passing out and being awake so my SI kicked in as soon as I started trying to breath in water and just ended up surfacing each time. Now I have thalasophobia (phobia of deep water areas) so I can't bring myself to throw myself into a lake with weights. I thought I would just be able to make myself breath in the water as long as my head stays under water for long enough but I underestimated my SI even tho I was in a very drowsy, confused barely awake state. So now I'm here again really frustrated with myself sense I once again didn't manage to end my miserable existence. I remember waking up after the attempt being so frustrated and pissed off at myself for still being alive and not succeeding once again. People say that survivors of ctb attempts always say tht they regret attempting but when it comes to me I just get insanely frustrated and pissed off whenever I wake up after an attempt and realize that I'm still alive. Like ffs just let me die already think I've suffered enough no?

Anyways thinking about maybe trying to figure out a way to force my head to stay under water for longer some kind of mechanism that would still allow me to do it at home but that would make me unable to lift up my head from the water successfully making my si useless. The whole reason I was going with drowning is that it isn't necessarily painful if you do it right and it's quite a quick and fairly painless death if you do it right. Other than that I was thinking using some kind of gas but the only gas I could obtain easily would be helium from a party store and I'm not sure how reliable that would be. Anyways I'm open to suggestions so please suggest-

 

[AloneInCollege]

It sounds like drowning might just not be the method for you. Personally I think when the time comes in going to use partial suspension hanging.

 

[worstOFsociety]

It sounds like drowning might just not be the method for you. Personally I think when the time comes in going to use partial suspension hanging.

Ye maybe, I'll look into partial suspension thx

 

[Amakishiyo]

Pure helium is hard to get, mostly is mixed with 20% air to prevent using it for this. So the one you mentioned probably wouldn't work.

 

[worstOFsociety]

Pure helium is hard to get, mostly is mixed with 20% air to prevent using it for this. So the one you mentioned probably wouldn't work.

Ye so I've heard really sucks how authorities feel the need to meddle in other peoples lives

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds so horrific to me failing a suicide attempt, the drowning method sounds so unbearable and difficult to succeed with. I just hate how hard it is to finally die, existing in this cruel world certainly is a punishment to me, as humans we don't deserve to suffer so much in finding ways to finally leave this world. It's incredibly unfair how painless and risk free methods are restricted for us and there are no easy answers in finding ways to successfully die but I hope that you achieve the outcome that you wish for.

 

[worstOFsociety]

It sounds so horrific to me failing a suicide attempt, the drowning method sounds so unbearable and difficult to succeed with. I just hate how hard it is to finally die, existing in this cruel world certainly is a punishment to me, as humans we don't deserve to suffer so much in finding ways to finally leave this world. It's incredibly unfair how painless and risk free methods are restricted for us and there are no easy answers in finding ways to successfully die but I hope that you achieve the outcome that you wish for.

I mean if my life continues going the way its been going for the past 5-6 years then I'll eventually jst get to the point of not caring about how painful it is as long as it works. Either way I'll succeed eventually the question is just how many attempts its gonna take. It is pretty horrific passing out thinking it's finally over and then waking up a few hours later realizing your still alive and stuck in this fcked up world.