I always hate waking up in the morning after my usual 2 hours of unconsciousness. It means I am still alive. It means another day of guilt, remorse, anxiety and hopelessness. I used to have a life and enjoy going for a walk. Little simple things .Now it's all gone. Every day is hoping for the fatal car accident, the heart attack, the stroke ... the whatever. that gives my my release from this life. I am working on some kind of induced death. Like a heart attack. So eat badly, no exercise. Sleep deprivation no problem. Then do some violent excersize perhaps? There is the problem of it not being fatal though - that is always the problem. Shit.
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