Discussion Another CTB poll

[Challu]

Honest answers are appreciated. 3 week poll. Will bump once a week.

 

[SSGoingInsane]

Since I can't choose more than one option I'll list them here:
1. Loneliness
2. Hatred of everything
3. Past decisions which lead to 4.
4. Long-term physical health problems

 

[Challu]

Since I can't choose more than one option I'll list them here:
1. Loneliness
2. Hatred of everything
3. Past decisions which lead to 4.
4. Long-term physical health problems

it's unlimited now

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case, I've never really wished to exist at all, and I view wanting suicide as being a logical response to simply just being conscious and aware. Existing is something that I despise, see as being useless and unnecessary, and of course just leads to more suffering.

I don't see any value and benefit to having to exist in this world where chance so cruelly determines everything, life in itself is something so harmful that could never be worth enduring and I don't wish to suffer in any way all for the sake of it just to inevitably deteriorate from age. I see suicide as being self care and I see it as being better to not exist regardless of the circumstances, one cannot be harmed by not existing which is why I see death as being ideal, to die would solve every problem in which there was never a need for in the first place. There is simply no peace to be found in this hellish world.

 

[Unending]

Constant mental pain.
Can't even imagine living an ideal life, let alone anything that is in the ballpark of acceptable.
Growing bitterness towards other people and inability to have relationships
Bonus: Have very few treatment prospects left.

I'm especially angry at the world and other humans today.
This is really one of those times where I'd be willing to use an opiod to calm myself down even though it's logically not a good trade off. Sometimes the pain is just that bad where there is very little I won't do for even momentary relief. I guess I'm especially desperate today as it has been extraordinarily dark. No one asked but sometimes I start typing and don't want to stop.

 

[SSGoingInsane]

In my case, I've never really wished to exist at all, and I view wanting suicide as being a logical response to simply just being conscious and aware. Existing is something that I despise, see as being useless and unnecessary, and of course just leads to more suffering.

I don't see any value and benefit to having to exist in this world where chance so cruelly determines everything, life in itself is something so harmful that could never be worth enduring and I don't wish to suffer in any way all for the sake of it just to inevitably deteriorate from age. I see suicide as being self care and I see it as being better to not exist regardless of the circumstances, one cannot be harmed by not existing which is why I see death as being ideal, to die would solve every problem in which there was never a need for in the first place. There is simply no peace to be found in this hellish world.

May I ask when and how did you end up with that stance on life? If you're comfortable with answering

inability to have relationships

Feel you on this one

 

[FuneralCry]

May I ask when and how did you end up with that stance on life? If you're comfortable with answering

I guess that my views on life are just being realistic. Suffering is inevitable in life and all that lies ahead for us is our inevitable decay from age. Of course non existence seems like the more appealing option to this.
And I just hate being trapped inside the flesh prison that is the human body, it's so incredibly unappealing because of how it can torture us. But I've always known that I'm not meant for life and I've found the thought of death to be so comforting even when I was very young. My views of nonexistence always being preferable come from my own experiences of life and also just being aware of the fact that the world truly is a hellish place. It's undeniable that life is just a futile struggle that leads to nothing and nowhere.

 

[outrider567]

Nothing to look forward to

 

[SSGoingInsane]

I guess that my views on life are just being realistic. Suffering is inevitable in life and all that lies ahead for us is our inevitable decay from age. Of course non existence seems like the more appealing option to this.
And I just hate being trapped inside the flesh prison that is the human body, it's so incredibly unappealing because of how it can torture us. But I've always known that I'm not meant for life and I've found the thought of death to be so comforting even when I was very young. My views of nonexistence always being preferable come from my own experiences of life and also just being aware of the fact that the world truly is a hellish place. It's undeniable that life is just a futile struggle that leads to nothing and nowhere.

Interesting. I don't quite agree 100% but I certainly get what you're saying.

 

[AVeryLazySloth]

Pretty good poll, would like to see what the results are in a couple of weeks.

 

[resolutory]

4 and 5 mainly. There's other reasons I could've put too, both that were included and not included in the poll, but I think those too are the main one.

 

[leavingsoon99]

I'm now in my 40s and have no hope for the future. That died in me a long time ago. I've thought about CTB since I was a child, suffering abuse at the hands of my mother and her boyfriends. I was horribly bullied throughout school. Adulthood unveiled the ugliness of life to me. I guess I was hopeful and naive all those years because I always believed in the 'better, brighter day'. Abuse will do that to you. It will make you escape into fantasy. It will cause you to see things, not as they are, but as you want them to be. Delusional living has led me to where I'm at now. I'm finally honest about my life... my truth. I'm honest with myself about how this world has treated me and how it will continue to treat me. I'm honest about humans and their nature. I'm honest about the many myths upon which the whole of human existence rests. I look at all of that, plus I take an honest look at my past. There's no future for me in this life.

 

[bloberta]

i love the world but i hate myself too much to be a part of it

 

[Sparr0w]

i answered with 2, 4, and the last one, but idk if they really cover my views?
"i want to ctb because im too lazy to work for the rest of my life." aka i find it hard to focus (dissociation, probably), dont like captalism, and want to spend the rest of my life looking at youtube and memes.
its not that i dont have anything to look forward to - im in uni, i have friends, i havent been on HRT yet or gotten into a qpr - its just that those things dont surpass my want to ctb, if that makes sense?

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Unless you end up with a lot of the good things in life, at least a few of them, it just becomes more and more torturous to hang around. For what? So, you can grow old and get get aged-related ailments that just add to your suffering of not getting anything really good out of life? And then having to deal with all of the BS alone and probably end up in a nursing home all alone. No thank you. I have enough foresight to see how this sucky movie ends. Better to make your own ending IMO.

 

[user39]

my health issues are spiraling out of control and have lost all hope

 

[Deleted member 31858]

1. Physical pain and mental illness that prevent me from having a normal life
2. I have nothing to do with the rest of my life
3. Past decisions

 

[Challu]

first week bump

 

[Challu]

second week bump

 

[Challu]

Last bump

 

[RichardFirst]

The interesting metric here is how few people have given a terminal illness as the motivation for their wishing to CTB. It seems that most people are just worn out by life, myself included.

 

[Sluggish_Slump]

The interesting metric here is how few people have given a terminal illness as the motivation for their wishing to CTB. It seems that most people are just worn out by life, myself included.

It might stem from it being a criteria that can open up the option for euthanasia and DIY CTB is not necessary

 

[redisblue]

My reasons include:
1. Suffering from a mental illness (I have major depressive disorder, there's a couple other things but this is the one that affects me most)
2. Society/family doesn't accept me (I'm transgender and have been bullied my entire life, this is probably what triggered a lot of my mental health issues)
3. Loneliness (Speaks for itself)
4. Hatred of everything (Not EVERYTHING but most things - most days just feel like a chore)

I was going to put the option of not looking forward to anything, but there are small things that I do sometimes look forward to that boost my mood. Sometimes I look forward to my future, although it's not very often. Not looking forward to much isn't a consistent enough problem to make me want to ctb.