Discussion Anniversary of my Latest Attempt

[deny_conformity]

The 30th of March marks the one year anniversary of my latest attempt, probably the closest I've been to actually being successful - I was in a coma for a week and was given two blood transfusions to survive. I'm now sort of determined to recover and was wondering how I should mark the occasion or how I should even feel about it.

On the one hand it feels morbid to do anything, but at the same time it was a big moment in my life and it feels weird not mark the occasion in some way. I was speaking to my counsellor about it and I don't even know how I feel about it. Should I be happy I survived? Depressed I wasn't successful?

I think maybe I just want certain people to reach out and say something, offer some support or words along the lines of "I'm glad you didn't manage to CTB". Deep down I know that I'm likely the only one who even registers that it's notable day. I have the day off work as "birthday leave", and in a way it's a moment like a birthday - the day I was "saved" from nearly dying and started to get the support I needed a year ago when I was spiralling out of control.

What would you do?

 

[U. A.]

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[deny_conformity]

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NDE is definitely the way I would describe it, though it's not how I thought about it until I read you describe it that way. I guess going forwards I will describe it that way so thank you for that . Now it can be a coma/NDE rather than a CTB attempt.

I might reach out on the day if no one does. There are only a couple of people I care about noting the day with me but they aren't people I feel like I could reach out to for various reasons (like one being a former mental health professional or another being my ex-wife's mother). I think it describes something about my relationships taht