Anhedonia is Scary

[CameronFrye]

I've always struggled with mental illness, but my ability to find joy in things like music, nature, exercise, food, travel, and even the hope of having things one day like meaningful friendships gave me joy and kept me going. But now nothing at all seems to bring me positive feelings, and it scares me. It started when I began taking antidepressants, and hasn't gone away. Now it's incredibly difficult to get through the days because I can't even successfully distract myself anymore. And I can't feel any hope for my future anymore either. I don't know how, or if this anhedonia will ever go away. But I can't keep living with it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand how you feel, in my case I have never wanted to be alive. I never enjoy anything. My days are very long and all I do is try to pass the time. It is all so depressing. I live a very empty existence. I am sorry that you are going though this. I wish you the best.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Yes it's horrible

 

[whatevs]

Yes, anhedonia it's certainly akin to a death sentence. What I do is cling to the meager enjoyment that some things still bring me, like a dehydrated man in the desert trying to survive with the morning dew in the rare plant.

That's my advice, digging into what still means anything to you.

 

[Crazy4u]

anahedonia is very understated. if you think your antidepressants make you feel that way, talk to your therapist. Good luck!

 

[WishfulThinker]

It's awful and my biggest reason for wishing to ctb

I was a very joyful person. Easily pleased I used to joke. I burnout, had a breakdown and am still suffer with anahedonia.
It's awful, because you do things that you know bring you happiness and yet it's not doing anything.
I hate it, it makes life very pointless.
What is the point in life if you can't be happy?

 

[☆AwaitingEntropy☆]

Ahh, I've certainly had long periods of anhedonia and it's the worst. If you're able, perhaps switching antidepressants could help ease those symptoms? My sympathies to you.

 

[Red Scare]

I've always struggled with mental illness, but my ability to find joy in things like music, nature, exercise, food, travel, and even the hope of having things one day like meaningful friendships gave me joy and kept me going. But now nothing at all seems to bring me positive feelings, and it scares me. It started when I began taking antidepressants, and hasn't gone away. Now it's incredibly difficult to get through the days because I can't even successfully distract myself anymore. And I can't feel any hope for my future anymore either. I don't know how, or if this anhedonia will ever go away. But I can't keep living with it.

That fits my own situation so well, it's almost like I could have written this myself. I know exactly how you feel... I was able to go for walks before, play a video game, try to distract myself for a while but lately it's like nothing I do is enough to distract me anymore, I'm such an anxious mess. I'm constantly feeling anxious and depressed. I can't stop thinking about how shitty my life is atm, and everything wrong that makes me want to ctb.

 

[Niirvana]

I feel the same, nothing gives me pleasure, I am about to quit my job and go back to live with my sister who is like my mother, I feel desperation overcoming me for not being the person I should be. I'm so ashamed of what I've become that I can't think of anything other than ctb. I can't live like this anymore, any human interaction gives me anxiety. I feel sorry for my family and boyfriend, but I can't go on anymore, I just want to rest in peace

 

[Forever Dead]

I have suffered from anhedonia for several years now. A Doctor once told me that if anhedonia persists for a certain length of time - depending on the individual - then the brain will eventually lose the ability to produce any of the feelgood chemicals such as serotonin etc. Basically that part of your brain dies off, and anhedonia becomes permanent and irreversible. There is however a glimmer of hope for those who are not too far gone. A few countries are researching the effects of MDMA on people with chronic depression etc, and the results look very promising. A regular dose of pharmaceutical MDMA has been shown to reboot the brain into producing serotonin etc. Not to be confused with the crap you get off drug dealers and just taken once in a while. It needs to be pure grade and done under medical supervision on a regular basis to get results. My brain is completely fucked, I find no pleasure in anything whatsoever anymore. I am a dead man walking, my mind is a corpse in a human body. I hope you can find your way out of this, it is utter torment I know.

 

[CiproKilledMe]

It started when I began taking antidepressants, and hasn't gone away. Now it's incredibly difficult to get through the days because I can't even successfully distract myself anymore. And I can't feel any hope for my future anymore either. I don't know how, or if this anhedonia will ever go away.

Sorry--are you still taking the antidepressants or have you quit and this anhedonia continues to persist?

 

[Leiden]

I've always struggled with mental illness, but my ability to find joy in things like music, nature, exercise, food, travel, and even the hope of having things one day like meaningful friendships gave me joy and kept me going. But now nothing at all seems to bring me positive feelings, and it scares me. It started when I began taking antidepressants, and hasn't gone away. Now it's incredibly difficult to get through the days because I can't even successfully distract myself anymore. And I can't feel any hope for my future anymore either. I don't know how, or if this anhedonia will ever go away. But I can't keep living with it.

I'm so sorry that you are suffering. What antidepressant were/are you on?

 

[painofzed]

I've always struggled with mental illness, but my ability to find joy in things like music, nature, exercise, food, travel, and even the hope of having things one day like meaningful friendships gave me joy and kept me going. But now nothing at all seems to bring me positive feelings, and it scares me. It started when I began taking antidepressants, and hasn't gone away. Now it's incredibly difficult to get through the days because I can't even successfully distract myself anymore. And I can't feel any hope for my future anymore either. I don't know how, or if this anhedonia will ever go away. But I can't keep living with it.

You should talk to your doctor about the antidepressants you're on. They might want to change out your meds if the current one is causing anhedonia.

 

[Red Scare]

I have suffered from anhedonia for several years now. A Doctor once told me that if anhedonia persists for a certain length of time - depending on the individual - then the brain will eventually lose the ability to produce any of the feelgood chemicals such as serotonin etc. Basically that part of your brain dies off, and anhedonia becomes permanent and irreversible. There is however a glimmer of hope for those who are not too far gone. A few countries are researching the effects of MDMA on people with chronic depression etc, and the results look very promising. A regular dose of pharmaceutical MDMA has been shown to reboot the brain into producing serotonin etc. Not to be confused with the crap you get off drug dealers and just taken once in a while. It needs to be pure grade and done under medical supervision on a regular basis to get results. My brain is completely fucked, I find no pleasure in anything whatsoever anymore. I am a dead man walking, my mind is a corpse in a human body. I hope you can find your way out of this, it is utter torment I know.

The group behind the push to make MDMA a legal therapy is a group called maps, the guy behind it is a new age nut job. He's a disciple of a discredited quack doctor named Stanislav Grof who's own wife was institutionalized after he gave her too much lsd.

The guy is a nut, and he has written about everything from past life regression, to alien abduction. And his group is the one writing the protocols that doctors who perform this mdma therapy will have to carry out. It's insane. I am amazed at the progress they have been able to make through the fda, and it's entirely because of slick political lobbying and outright skewing of statistical data to get the desired results.

I spent a lot of time reading about the background of the group but I am too exhausted and depressed to retype it all here, but suffice it to say, this is a bunch of burning man new age whackos masquerading their pseudo spiritual wares as some kind of new breakthrough therapy... for example, if a patient has a weird trip, and becomes delusional on a psychedelic, thinks they see Jesus... the therapist is supposed to encourage them to think they had a real spiritual experience. That's that kind of crap that I think could be more damaging than good. If someone has a hallucination on a psychedelic, the therapist should be there to explain that no, they didn't really see Jesus... but this new kind of therapy would encourage the patient to think they did, it's insane.

The whole theory behind this kind of therapy, is that mental illness doesn't really exist... that people become mentally ill when they are having a "spiritual crisis" (the guy behind this therapy has written entire books about this nonsense). He believes thst encouraging people to have such spiritual experiences under the infouence of psychedelics will cure them of their mental illness. When drugs were made illegal in the 70s he came up with this kind of therapy around "breathwork" but it was basically a self induced kind of hyperventilating. The therapy was discredited and he was forced to stop practicing... now his students are back with this latest rendition of his brand of "therapy", and they are pushing mdma and mushrooms as the drug of choice.

 

[MikeDeross82]

Anhedonia and depersonalisation is even scarier for me

 

[Seafoam]

That's terrible, Anhedonia usually comes in waves for me so maybe it'll hopefully pass for you too. It's still horrible and I'm so sorry you're dealing with it.

 

[CameronFrye]

Sorry--are you still taking the antidepressants or have you quit and this anhedonia continues to persist?

I'm so sorry that you are suffering. What antidepressant were/are you on?

You should talk to your doctor about the antidepressants you're on. They might want to change out your meds if the current one is causing anhedonia.

I've been off my ssri (Lexapro) and I feel better relative to how I did being on it, but the anhedonia has remained. I've always had bad reactions to ssris and Lexapro was the worst for me. My psychiatrist just prescribed me Wellbutrin since it affects the brain differently than ssris do and I haven't really noticed any effects from it besides insomnia yet, but it's still early.

 

[WhiteDespair]

@CameronFrye what is your typical day? typical week? month? year?

take a look at what you find and see if there are any areas in particular which you find lacking or cause undue stress.

those are areas to look at.

annoyingly, anhedonia can really mean that you're bored with your current activities. no one really says that. it's usually, "try to enjoy the activities that you used to like." well, what if you don't like them because you've "grown out of them" so to speak?

that is, assuming that the anhedonia is a direct result of drugs - legal or not. for anti-depressants anyway, I know they can take a while to kick in which means that the time until then can be tricky. also, I definitely feel much worse and anhedonic if I take extra sertraline.

anhedonia absolutely sucks. that feeling of being absolutely bored and uninterested in anything is torture. like wanting to go to sleep so the day and the boredom ends but it being too early to sleep. wondering why everyone else seems to have such an amazing life because they have hobbies, interests and activities, and you don't, and wondering why that's the case.

get checked for adhd. my depressive episodes stemmed from adhd, most of the time anyway. the initial excitement of a novel situation faded after a few weeks and I would lose interest and wonder why that kept happening amd why other people could maintain that consistency. and rejection sensitive dysphoria made every little error into a catastrophe.

 

[CameronFrye]

what is your typical day? typical week? month? year?

My days are extremely uneventful. I wake up an do pretty much nothing but work my retail job. I'm living in a suburban town where it's just the exact same house after house, there's no community, and you have to drive to get anywhere. I used to go to the gym most days but recently I haven't had the energy. I'd do more but I feel trapped due to financial and mental constraints.

get checked for adhd. my depressive episodes stemmed from adhd, most of the time anyway. the initial excitement of a novel situation faded after a few weeks and I would lose interest and wonder why that kept happening amd why other people could maintain that consistency. and rejection sensitive dysphoria made every little error into a catastrophe.

I think this is possible as the same happens to me. Fortunately wellburtrin is used to treat adhd as well as depression so maybe that will help.

 

[Forever Dead]

The group behind the push to make MDMA a legal therapy is a group called maps, the guy behind it is a new age nut job. He's a disciple of a discredited quack doctor named Stanislav Grof who's own wife was institutionalized after he gave her too much lsd.

The guy is a nut, and he has written about everything from past life regression, to alien abduction. And his group is the one writing the protocols that doctors who perform this mdma therapy will have to carry out. It's insane. I am amazed at the progress they have been able to make through the fda, and it's entirely because of slick political lobbying and outright skewing of statistical data to get the desired results.

I spent a lot of time reading about the background of the group but I am too exhausted and depressed to retype it all here, but suffice it to say, this is a bunch of burning man new age whackos masquerading their pseudo spiritual wares as some kind of new breakthrough therapy... for example, if a patient has a weird trip, and becomes delusional on a psychedelic, thinks they see Jesus... the therapist is supposed to encourage them to think they had a real spiritual experience. That's that kind of crap that I think could be more damaging than good. If someone has a hallucination on a psychedelic, the therapist should be there to explain that no, they didn't really see Jesus... but this new kind of therapy would encourage the patient to think they did, it's insane.

The whole theory behind this kind of therapy, is that mental illness doesn't really exist... that people become mentally ill when they are having a "spiritual crisis" (the guy behind this therapy has written entire books about this nonsense). He believes thst encouraging people to have such spiritual experiences under the infouence of psychedelics will cure them of their mental illness. When drugs were made illegal in the 70s he came up with this kind of therapy around "breathwork" but it was basically a self induced kind of hyperventilating. The therapy was discredited and he was forced to stop practicing... now his students are back with this latest rendition of his brand of "therapy", and they are pushing mdma and mushrooms as the drug of choice.

I cant comment on whether this guy is right or wrong, I can only go off what I have read. I completely agree that most of the big pharma and so-called alternative therapy institutes are full of shit, and that there is a ton of disinformation out there that is geared towards making money. I used ecstacy on a regular basis in the early 90s, when it was the really good stuff like the white doves tabs etc the high grade stuff that you cannot get nowadays. Those days were the only time in my life that I ever felt " normal ".

 

[Lostsoul333]

I'm sorry you feel this way… it's a horrible way to live each day. It could be that the antidepressants are making the anhedonia worse? I also feel the same way and loathe opening my eyes in the morning. Just wanted to tell you that you're not alone.

 

[_Minsk]

It really is, i used to distract myself till the feeling faded but if everything sucks there is not much one can do.

 

[WhiteDespair]

That routine is a killer, literally, considering...

if you can switch it up a bit that could be a good start. something as simple as watching a different movie or show works. just trying something new like that helps.

financial constraints can be lessened by choosing low or no cost activities. churches, parks, libraries are free. a search for these activities in your area can help. apps like meetup can also help. stuff is out there, just need to find it.

mental constraints, well, start something small. it's as easy as watching one 30 minute show you've been meaning to. clean one shelf. do one set. then you can keep momentum going.

otherwise, taking a hard look at the mental constraints and figuring out why can help.

suburbia does suck. everything that you stated there has gone through my head, including the typical days.

the annoying thing about community is you have to find it. it's out there.

I hope wellbutrin works for you and you can get rolling!

 

[shibo329]

I understand how you feel, in my case I have never wanted to be alive. I never enjoy anything. My days are very long and all I do is try to pass the time. It is all so depressing. I live a very empty existence. I am sorry that you are going though this. I wish you the best.

Hey FuneralCry,
I am exactly like you, never had one day in my life i wanted to live, never looked forward to the next morning. Everything is the same and I am only passing time… never feel good, but also not bad about anything…. Just empty. Lying in bed with eyes closed or sitting in the sun with my daughter is exactly the same - empty.

I am researching since 16 years and trying to find something that helps… tried everything medicine has to offer, drugs, hypnosis, meditation… always had to kick myself in the ass to do things but never got anything back.

Did you find anything so far? I am really at the end of what I can find.

Best,
Shibo

 

[Fengshuiside]

Oh boy, I really feel you, I'm in the exact same boat. I can't feel any connection to family or other people around me, can't enjoy music, absolutely no joy from anything for the last 4 years.

I feel like a ghost/zombie in a way, sort of like I have already died mentally but my body is still alive and I'm just keeping it alive, each day wondering why I'm not just pulling the plug.

 

[FuneralCry]

Hey FuneralCry,
I am exactly like you, never had one day in my life i wanted to live, never looked forward to the next morning. Everything is the same and I am only passing time… never feel good, but also not bad about anything…. Just empty. Lying in bed with eyes closed or sitting in the sun with my daughter is exactly the same - empty.

I am researching since 16 years and trying to find something that helps… tried everything medicine has to offer, drugs, hypnosis, meditation… always had to kick myself in the ass to do things but never got anything back.

Did you find anything so far? I am really at the end of what I can find.

Best,
Shibo

There is nothing that can help me, nothing ever makes me feel better. My suffering will only end when I die. I'm sorry that you are going through this and I wish you the best.

 

[shibo329]

There is nothing that can help me, nothing ever makes me feel better. My suffering will only end when I die. I'm sorry that you are going through this and I wish you the bes

Are you feeling bad? For me it is just this emptiness that is so bad… nothing i want, nothing i dont want. Drugs and stuff dont even function

 

[FuneralCry]

Are you feeling bad? For me it is just this emptiness that is so bad… nothing i want, nothing i dont want. Drugs and stuff dont even function

I always feel bad. I never want to live. Life is only suffering after all. There is nothing good about being alive.

 

[choopla]

I'm also dealing with this right now. Absolutely nothing brings me joy and I find everything meaningless or unfunny. I'm thinking it may be all the anti-depressants or drugs I've used in the past that caused this. I also have a history of seizures. Thinking of just jumping back on vyvanse.