Angry?

[Kyrok]

Miserable, yes. Depressed, no.

My drive to suicide isn't about self-hatred. It is anger about the life I lead. Anger towards those people and aspects of the world that got me here (though I no doubt also made some bad decisions).

So, I'm curious: who else out there is angry?

 

[IfHeDiesHeDies]

There was a phase when I was really angry, but that has passed now. I am at a phase of acceptance which means completely numbed out with the occasional bout of depression.

 

[Virgo]

I'm apathetic and not super emotional.

 

[Kyrok]

If you're numb or apathetic are you still suicidal, or just bored with life?

 

[Virgo]

If you're numb or apathetic are you still suicidal, or just bored with life?

Both.

 

[IfHeDiesHeDies]

If you're numb or apathetic are you still suicidal, or just bored with life?

I am both suicidal and bored of life as I am in constant pain from cancer, I am just waiting to be approved by Dignitas.

 

[Kyrok]

Never been bored. Never been apathetic. Anger, pain, resentment, bitterness consumes me.
That makes suicide hard, because it doesn't seem like enough.

 

[Circles]

I am both suicidal and bored of life as I am in constant pain from cancer, I am just waiting to be approved by Dignitas.

The mundanity of everyday life and finding meaning in between constant suffering are pathetically boring and mentally exhausting.

 

[IfHeDiesHeDies]

The mundanity of everyday life and finding meaning in between constant suffering are pathetically boring and mentally exhausting.

Quite right, add chronic pain to that and you will have a ball.

 

[Threads]

I am angry.

The injustice in this world makes me feel like this song.

 

[TAW122]

I'd say I'm angry most of the time, sometimes sad and apathetic on certain days too. I've lead a pretty shitty life in terms of emotional well-being and stuff. Never really had many friends (or at least people I'd consider 'real' friends, just fucking people who act like friends), and also never been in a relationship before. Part of my anger is also a part of my wanting to ctb but yet couldn't or due to fear of failure (either by intervention, being rescued, saved, and/or the method failing) and also due to the injustices in this world. The world is never fair and there is no fairness except for death itself.

 

[Sundayafternoon]

My anger stems from having to deal with any of this in the first place.

I get angrier because, by and large, it's agreed that my anger is not warranted.
I know it is.

ETA - While it's hard, I try not to take random assholes in the street too personally. They may very well hate their existence and feel just as trapped as I do.

 

[Kyrok]

I wonder if there are a handful of substantially different suicidal etiologies: hopeless/sad, vs angry, vs just tired, etc..
Which is most common, which is most likely to lead to successful suicide, which is recoverable.

IfHeDiesHeDies, I'm with you on the medical issues... I don't have a fatal diagnosis, but one that will in a few year leave me unable to work. Healthcare in the US is a travesty. Suicide at my doctor's office appeals..

 

[worldexploder]

Sometimes I get very angry because I want to die and have the right to. Yet society doesn't recognize it. Other times I'm too depressed to feel anger or display much of any emotions.

 

[Kyrok]

Hmmm. Perhaps anger-driven suicide is more the exception. That's why few suicidal people kill themselves to make a political point, for example.

 

[azucaramargo]

Miserable, yes. Depressed, no.

My drive to suicide isn't about self-hatred. It is anger about the life I lead. Anger towards those people and aspects of the world that got me here (though I no doubt also made some bad decisions).

So, I'm curious: who else out there is angry?

Oh Kyrok, I'm so angry, too. So, so angry. At myself, at the world, at my family, at the people who fucking abandon me (after I drove them away). You'd think the anger would be better than the sad, dispirited depression, but the anger is pretty crippling, too, I've found. I wish I had the balls to CTB. I fear I never will, though. But, yes, I'm angry, too. So, so angry. Why can't I be strong and just do it?

 

[Jodes]

I get too angry and have to disconnect from the world.

My suicide is about feeling peace - dead or alive.

 

[Shewaitsforme]

Anger has passed, definatly not bored. Maybe numb still, i dont know ive never really been an emotional person so im finding it hard to even read what im feeling let alone say. Sometimes i think im scared to letting myself feel the pain that i know is there but without going through that can a person really heal and get better. Sucks feeling like nothing is wrong but you know its there just nit what it is fully

 

[BjartNO]

No anger really. My problems are mostly either arbitrary or self caused.

 

[Kyrok]

Oh Kyrok, I'm so angry, too. So, so angry. At myself, at the world, at my family, at the people who fucking abandon me (after I drove them away). You'd think the anger would be better than the sad, dispirited depression, but the anger is pretty crippling, too, I've found. I wish I had the balls to CTB. I fear I never will, though. But, yes, I'm angry, too. So, so angry. Why can't I be strong and just do it?

I think the anger is better than the dispirited depression. Anger has done a lot of good in my life... though also a few HUGE mistakes. Anger can be crippling for sure, but it can be harnessed. I've pushed myself freaken hard through my life mostly out of anger, and when I ctb, I'd like it to be in a blaze of fury that will impact public policy.

Suicide fueled by anger: what to do with it?