Help Angry & isolated

[dxstressed]

Hi everyone,

Been inactive over the past few days. My borderline personality means I'll have a few days of being really up there and happy and I'm suddenly back down to a crippling numbness, wouldn't even call it depression as such, I just don't feel anything.

My boyfriend cheated on me the other evening and I blocked him, before he found another way of contacting me to tell me I'm a psycho and nobody will ever love me. With everything that's going on in the world, seriously considering CTB, I just want to die peacefully.

I am in the UK - any good and somewhat peaceful ways for me to CTB? I just can't take this rollercoaster of inconsistent emotions and chronic emptiness anymore, I fear with the stress that my hallucinations may come back too.

Please help... any advice is welcome.

Xoxo
Dxstressed

 

[tooStupidForExitBag]

Sad that you feel this way. I would recommend checking out the resource page, there you can find a bunch of megathreads for different ctb methods, please don't ctb on impulse however.

 

[the box is empty]

before he found another way of contacting me to tell me I'm a psycho and nobody will ever love me.

Do you live with him? Before we talk about CTB, let's start with dealing with this toxic relationship.

 

[dxstressed]

Do you live with him? Before we talk about CTB, let's start with dealing with this toxic relationship.

I do not live with him. He was a fair few years older than me too, however he was a completely different person under the influence of alcohol.

We had been together a few months, and whenever he was drunk he would call me vile names, and then tell me he was going to sleep with other men if I didn't have sex with him. He never sexually assaulted me - just thought I should mention that.

But the other night was the final straw for me, but just hearing that nobody will ever love me from the one man I want to love me has broken my heart.

 

[the box is empty]

I do not live with him. He was a fair few years older than me too, however he was a completely different person under the influence of alcohol.

We had been together a few months, and whenever he was drunk he would call me vile names, and then tell me he was going to sleep with other men if I didn't have sex with him. He never sexually assaulted me - just thought I should mention that.

But the other night was the final straw for me, but just hearing that nobody will ever love me from the one man I want to love me has broken my heart.

If you leave him what will happen to you?

 

[dxstressed]

If you leave him what will happen to you?

I ended the relationship, and in his drunk state he tried to end what I had already finished, he is blocked on everything, all social media and his number.

I feel so lost without him. Even though we were only together a few months, with my BPD I form intense relationships very fast, and I just feel so sick at the thought of him with being someone else. I can't get back with him, for my own sanity.

But I am going insane. I just want to die.

 

[the box is empty]

I ended the relationship, and in his drunk state he tried to end what I had already finished, he is blocked on everything, all social media and his number.

I feel so lost without him. Even though we were only together a few months, with my BPD I form intense relationships very fast, and I just feel so sick at the thought of him with being someone else. I can't get back with him, for my own sanity.

But I am going insane. I just want to die.

Okay, so you're not in any immediate danger from him. That's a good thing. Heartbreak is going to be harder to deal with. I wish I had an answer for you there but all I can say is I know it can be intense.

 

[dxstressed]

Okay, so you're not in any immediate danger from him. That's a good thing. Heartbreak is going to be harder to deal with. I wish I had an answer for you there but all I can say is I know it can be intense.

He isn't a big man, I'm not a big man either but I don't think he has it in him for violence. He just runs his mouth.

This is my first proper heartbreak, I just don't know what I ever did to deserve being cheated on and the little voice in my head says I deserve it and maybe I'm actually this 'psycho c**t' he thinks I am.

Not a good day :(

 

[the box is empty]

You didn't do anything. Sometimes people are just shitty.

 

[s1mplem3]

If someone has mental or physical illness it doesn't mean the person doesn't deserve to be loved. Your boyfriend is cruel, I'm sorry he cheated on you. I wish you had someone who would truly love and care about you. Information about method you can find here and if you wanna chat I'm here for you.