Venting Anger

[DetachedDreamer97]

For almost my whole life, I'm expected to keep calm, and pretend that everything's all right, to take abuse from either customers, family members, or bullies, or strangers or anyone who happens to be in my life without ever being allowed to stand up for myself. And whenever I do, it results in me being punished. So I go back to behaving like a damn prostitute fawning over their pimp. It makes me mad. But there's nothing I can really do about it. I can't talk to anyone since I know that deep down, they don't care. Maybe my counselor... but that doesn't really change the reality of it. My anger builds over time each time I deal with taking shit from others. I used to think I fear people... but I realize now that it isn't the people I fear. It's me. Because some day, I'm gonna end up going berserk, saying or doing things I would never do in my right mind. It's happened before, and it's bound to happen again eventually. I don't know how much I can take.

Had to deal with one miserable hag (a passenger) cussing me out for being sick when I went inside a cab from the doctors office. "ARE YOU FUCKING SICK?! I DON'T WANT TO CATCH YOUR SICKNESS, I'VE ALREADY RECOVERED FROM SICKNESS!!!"

I had a mask on my face.

I just stared at her and sheepishly went and moved into the back seat, while she went and got to the front. But in my mind, I was already mentally playing scenarios of telling her off, as well as decking her if she escalates. But I was fortunate to have restraint as I neither want to make a scene, or go to jail. She apologized, but still... I was fuming.

But as of now, I don't know why I'm here knowing I'd have to deal with countless people like that. I'm glad I don't have to work for some time.

I'm a literal threat to everyone. A ticking nuclear time bomb waiting to blow up. It's only a matter of time.

 

[Sensei]

I don't know your situation, but maybe it would do you good to relaeas your anger and give people a good scolding. After all, they behave badly so they deserve it.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

I don't know your situation, but maybe it would do you good to relaeas your anger and give people a good scolding. After all, they behave badly so they deserve it.

You're right. It's time I start.

 

[Dead beat dad]

For almost my whole life, I'm expected to keep calm, and pretend that everything's all right, to take abuse from either customers, family members, or bullies, or strangers or anyone who happens to be in my life without ever being allowed to stand up for myself. And whenever I do, it results in me being punished. So I go back to behaving like a damn prostitute fawning over their pimp. It makes me mad. But there's nothing I can really do about it. I can't talk to anyone since I know that deep down, they don't care. Maybe my counselor... but that doesn't really change the reality of it. My anger builds over time each time I deal with taking shit from others. I used to think I fear people... but I realize now that it isn't the people I fear. It's me. Because some day, I'm gonna end up going berserk, saying or doing things I would never do in my right mind. It's happened before, and it's bound to happen again eventually. I don't know how much I can take.

Had to deal with one miserable hag (a passenger) cussing me out for being sick when I went inside a cab from the doctors office. "ARE YOU FUCKING SICK?! I DON'T WANT TO CATCH YOUR SICKNESS, I'VE ALREADY RECOVERED FROM SICKNESS!!!"

I had a mask on my face.

I just stared at her and sheepishly went and moved into the back seat, while she went and got to the front. But in my mind, I was already mentally playing scenarios of telling her off, as well as decking her if she escalates. But I was fortunate to have restraint as I neither want to make a scene, or go to jail. She apologized, but still... I was fuming.

But as of now, I don't know why I'm here knowing I'd have to deal with countless people like that. I'm glad I don't have to work for some time.

I'm a literal threat to everyone. A ticking nuclear time bomb waiting to blow up. It's only a matter of time.

I know this feeling very well friend and I can relate entirely.
Have you considered something like boxing or running as a way to manage anger (even though it won't fix root causes)?

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

I know this feeling very well friend and I can relate entirely.
Have you considered something like boxing or running as a way to manage anger (even though it won't fix root causes)?

I shadow box often, and I Used to do a lot of running. However since I moved to a state where I'm not at all familiar to and is cold, I haven'tz

 

[TAW122]

I feel you @nixonnate32 and I too, had experienced similar things growing up and even into adulthood. While I had less of the aggressive, overt bullying (like schoolyard bullies), I had passive-aggressive, micro-aggressions bullying, as well as indirect (talking negatively behind my back) bullying and other kinds of mistreatment. I know that while I can't win all the battles or the grand war against society, I can at least take myself out which is something that I have been focused on mainly. I also feel similar rage and anger that you do too, and if it wasn't for legal consequences and I was omnipotent, I wouldn't mind giving them a little bit of "just desserts" just for them to experience the anguish and pains that they have inflicted on me throughout my life. Even in present day, I still deal with all the bullshit of society and people as well. This is a major reason as to why I am an misanthrope myself. I despise the human race so much that I am working towards checking out; basically making CTB a goal for myself. I figured that even if I can't win against them, I can (figuratively) WIN by no longer playing the game called "life" by CTB'ing.

@Sensei I agree and just one thing to add to that is yes, stand up for oneself, but be wary of not taking it too far, mainly because of legal consequences.

 

[Green Destiny]

I deal with a lot of BS everyday that gives me a short fuse with everyday people my friend. I get where you're coming from.