Venting anger towards my brother.

[synthcadia]

today my mom told me i have "anger issues towards my brother for the past year and a half and i either forgive him or cut ties"

well SORRY MOM, sorry i'm angry at him for SA'ing me as a child, SORRY MOM for him SA'ing my best friend when she was 17 and he was 21. SORRY.

and no mom, my friend was NOT "giving off the wrong signals," and even if she was, shit happening between them would be CONSENTUAL. but she was 17.

and i tried to control the anger, i tried. but shit like this, living in the same house as him, it's so difficult.

but my sa isn't as bad as my mom's ig.

also my mom doesn't understand that when she talks about SA, it triggers me and makes me dissociate. it makes me relive it. i hate it.

 

[AShipinthedark]

That sounds infinitely frustrating...

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

am sorry.i do read a lot of these posts but i don't respond. it's not that i don't care. i do and i feel bad for you. i just don't have the wisdom to make any sort of change - well except for the worse. i don't know what sa stands for but i hope you all the strength to get through this.

 

[jemetire]

am sorry.i do read a lot of these posts but i don't respond. it's not that i don't care. i do and i feel bad for you. i just don't have the wisdom to make any sort of change - well except for the worse. i don't know what sa stands for but i hope you all the strength to get through this.

SA = sexual assault

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

ty jemetire. i was just told what it was. synthcadia, i am sorry that it happened to you. i don't know if it helps to talk to a dumbass but i'm online a lot.

 

[synthcadia]

That sounds infinitely frustrating...

it honestly is. i feel like i have to suppress my feelings and just bottle everything up inside.

when my mom says shit like this, it reminds me of when my parents went through my ipad (and then phone), saw me being groomed online and me sending nudes as a child, and then their concern being my dad's job and him getting fired. or me being kidnapped. idk. and it sucks because i am extremely EXTREMELY afraid to tell people. i mean one of my friends said i made that up and then proceeded to post it onto her tiktok to her 12K followers.

it's frustrating. it's annoying. i feel like i made it up but then the flashbacks and fear that consumes me reminds me it's real. and i guess the problem is that i can't remember in full because my brain is protecting me.

my parents don't even know the worst of it. if they did they'd be mortified. unless they do, idk.

am sorry.i do read a lot of these posts but i don't respond. it's not that i don't care. i do and i feel bad for you. i just don't have the wisdom to make any sort of change - well except for the worse. i don't know what sa stands for but i hope you all the strength to get through this.

thank you choice. i appreciate it and that's also valid. i do the same thing. <3

ty jemetire. i was just told what it was. synthcadia, i am sorry that it happened to you. i don't know if it helps to talk to a dumbass but i'm online a lot.

you're not a dumbass at all. and thank you. i appreciate it, a lot. <3

 

[hellispink]

I also have an abusive brother. Went from physical when i was young, to verbal. He is a psychopath very narcissistic and my mother defends him and satanizes me for not agreeing with his abuse. Its so heartbreaking. I get you.

 

[synthcadia]

I also have an abusive brother. Went from physical when i was young, to verbal. He is a psychopath very narcissistic and my mother defends him and satanizes me for not agreeing with his abuse. Its so heartbreaking. I get you.

i am sorry he did that to you. at the same time i am relieved someone relates.

my mom downplayed what he did. he ruined a friendship between me and my friend (because he sa'ed her and wouldn't come to the house if he was there). i can't even talk to her comfortably anymore. and my mom and dad both blame (partially) me for our distance. they said he was drunk, but when i am drunk i don't take advantage of others.

i wish he was kicked out of the house. but he wasn't. and he doesn't hang out with the family. i do the dishes, i clean up, i do the chores. he forgets to do them. it's infuriating.

i've warned my close friends about him because i am genuinely scared he will do something to them.

i wish i didn't hate him. i really wish i didn't.

 

[StuntRobo]

I'm sorry that this happened to you

 

[synthcadia]

I'm sorry that this happened to you

thanks stunt. tbh my brother was not as bad as some of the grooming online.

can't get onto my MAL account without seeing my groomer on my friends list.

oh god i'm remembering. gonna wash my brain out. anyway. thanks. <3

 

[MrDarkness]

Man that's awful, humans can truly be quite vile

 

[synthcadia]

Man that's awful, humans can truly be quite vile

hi mr. darkness and yeah.

i tried being nicer to him. taking everything in my being, it feels like.

 

[brokeandbroken]

today my mom told me i have "anger issues towards my brother for the past year and a half and i either forgive him or cut ties"

well SORRY MOM, sorry i'm angry at him for SA'ing me as a child, SORRY MOM for him SA'ing my best friend when she was 17 and he was 21. SORRY.

and no mom, my friend was NOT "giving off the wrong signals," and even if she was, shit happening between them would be CONSENTUAL. but she was 17.

and i tried to control the anger, i tried. but shit like this, living in the same house as him, it's so difficult.

but my sa isn't as bad as my mom's ig.

also my mom doesn't understand that when she talks about SA, it triggers me and makes me dissociate. it makes me relive it. i hate it.

I'm terribly sorry to hear all of that. That sounds awful and incredibly dysfunctional. I think for now it would be best to cut ties (with both) and open the door to maybe reconcile later on. I think you just need to focus on you and the people that care about you now. I can't say if your mom or brother cares or not but... Right now they aren't in a place to care for you the way you deserve to be cared for.

 

[synthcadia]

I'm terribly sorry to hear all of that. That sounds awful and incredibly dysfunctional. I think for now it would be best to cut ties (with both) and open the door to maybe reconcile later on. I think you just need to focus on you and the people that care about you now. I can't say if your mom or brother cares or not but... Right now they aren't in a place to care for you the way you deserve to be cared for.

i'd cut ties if i lived by myself, but i live under their house, eat their food, have their phone plan… i'm dependent upon them. but yeah, i agree. thanks. <3

 

[kindalone]

i'd cut ties if i lived by myself, but i live under their house, eat their food, have their phone plan… i'm dependent upon them. but yeah, i agree. thanks. <3

It must be awful to be trapped like that with people that don't care or dismiss your trauma and experiences, even causing some of them. I hope you'll get out of there soon and can begin to heal.

 

[synthcadia]

It must be awful to be trapped like that with people that don't care or dismiss your trauma and experiences, even causing some of them. I hope you'll get out of there soon and can begin to heal.

it's hell sometimes. actually i tried to repress my urges to not lash out at my brother. i felt empty and dissociated, more than usual.

thanks. i'm studying abroad for 3-4 months this year so that'll be my temp escape.

it was great when i lived away from him.

 

[KAZ-2Y5]

Same situation with my mother defending my abusive brother. My brother is a psychopath.