Anger and Suicide

[couragetodie]

As I grow closer to CTB, I find myself getting angrier and pushing away my loved ones. Has anyone else experienced this? I believe it's becsuse I would prefer being mad at them before I go so the pain is less. I don't know. Tbh, I am an emotional wreck these days and tortured by my existence. Unless I am sleeping, which I do as much as I can, I am just a fucking wreck. I know that since I decided to CTB and I shut down all my productivity, I am experiencing some real mental struggles. As if the mind needs something to work on or it loses itself. I have given up. I have thrown in the towel. I basically just sleep, eat, drink, defecate. I don't want to communicate with anyone except on this forum. I just want to leave this pain and it's causing me to become really angry. Anyhow, thanks for letting me vent.

 

[Hank]

Anger can hardly be faked. If you feel anger, you are probably angry. And, since you say you think it is anger at them, because you want to reduce the pain, then I imagine it is anger at your own incapability to make things happen or change. I sometimes have the same.

Never blame others for your own responsibilities. I often have to remind myself of that to. Just try to be honest to yourself, and you probably find our why you are angry.

 

[21Neberg]

As I grow closer to CTB, I find myself getting angrier and pushing away my loved ones

I've been experiencing quite the opposite - I'm slowly getting more positive sometimes, and I hate it.

 

[couragetodie]

I think I am losing my freaking mind over this decision to ctb to be perfectly honest. I am having a hard time keeping my emotions together and it's fear. Fear of CTB that is making me feel this way. I hate this torture. My mind and my heart and my body are all going through this war.

 

[JustAboutDone]

I think I am losing my freaking mind over this decision to ctb to be perfectly honest. I am having a hard time keeping my emotions together and it's fear. Fear of CTB that is making me feel this way. I hate this torture. My mind and my heart and my body are all going through this war.

I'm glad that you've got this place to vent and say whatever you need to. Mentally it's a horrible place to be when you feel you want to ctb and you can barely do day to day stuff - yet fear of going through with the final act is clawing at you. Try and take it easy on yourself, make your mind as empty and blank as you can - watch rubbish on tv and just be for now, don't force anything xx

 

[throwaway123]

I get angry sometimes too but I quickly realize that there's no point in it. Nothings going to change. I am still going to die by suicide. It is just inevitable.