Tombadil
Member
- Nov 19, 2025
- 30
I have been off here for some time, it all has been so chaotic. I hope to write here now regularly, to vent off a bit.
I was so happy that i had found some peace, had a way to maybe get some sn, a place to die where its beautiful and cozy and a bit of money to go through with it to the end.
I told a good friend who i´ve know for very long that i´m going to find my peace. I thought about it for a long time, but it was the best. The problem was i had to kind of nudge him to get a bit of distance to me. We are so close that he would have sensed i was different, and i am. I feel so much older now. I have been loved so much by that person. Contrary to me, he had a very good life and did not really know what i was going through and the demons i could not escape. And i kind of played along, i played out the person he once loves as it was more and more fading into obscurity, thinned out by the life i lead.
So now he has some distance to me. All this was very hard, but what in this life was not hard. He even told me once that i have no future when we spoke about our very different lifes, and he said." To the ones that fall through the net, this country is relentless." which puts it mildly. I know all about it by now.
But now my Brother has kind of pulled me back for another round. It really feels that way. He also sensed i guess that i was preparing to leave and kind of asked me to stay, saying he needed me and my mother does also. And things have gotten worse for him also. I happened what always happened, what i hate so much about this country, these people here and their trivial stupidity and evilness.
He was a time off for medical reasons and when he came back, he got punished by stripping him off his workplace and degrading him to another place. He worked there for almost 20 years.
As when you are not an academic or born into these networks, you will always be the victim of these firms and people karma has made your superiors, and they never disappoint to be disgusting as shit.
This, this is what this society has made of itself, yet they speak in big works of morals and work ethic, they dare to.
Like i said to him when i heard it, every time. Every time in this country the story goes the same, you can adjust yoiur clock to it. We are a workforce sentenced to a lifetime of labour in a world that will always be to small for us ruled by ghouls that look alike, speak alike and are alike in their predictable sneakyness.
And i could not bring myself to go soon as planned. I tried, but i thought of us growing up in that environment, and how i had not known that he also was traumatized.
He sounded so lost, like me. I see him learning to live again after the youth we had, throwing punches at the walls for hours, and then later in the dojos.
So i slept a long time, and then dragged myself out of bed. I felt like a machine that had been slowly shutting down itself trying to reverse the process a bit.
So now i am preparing to stay a little while more. Instead of finding the peace i longed for. I tell myself that it wont be long. That i will find a way to support him until its better and then go.
All this does not mean i will not order my sn tomorrow as planned to find out if the seller will scam me. If not, it will be usable for a while.
I wish we had never come here. I mean into this world. I hate all this so much. Reasonably speaking, this is a fucking hellhole for people like us. Cant even die in peace.
I was so happy that i had found some peace, had a way to maybe get some sn, a place to die where its beautiful and cozy and a bit of money to go through with it to the end.
I told a good friend who i´ve know for very long that i´m going to find my peace. I thought about it for a long time, but it was the best. The problem was i had to kind of nudge him to get a bit of distance to me. We are so close that he would have sensed i was different, and i am. I feel so much older now. I have been loved so much by that person. Contrary to me, he had a very good life and did not really know what i was going through and the demons i could not escape. And i kind of played along, i played out the person he once loves as it was more and more fading into obscurity, thinned out by the life i lead.
So now he has some distance to me. All this was very hard, but what in this life was not hard. He even told me once that i have no future when we spoke about our very different lifes, and he said." To the ones that fall through the net, this country is relentless." which puts it mildly. I know all about it by now.
But now my Brother has kind of pulled me back for another round. It really feels that way. He also sensed i guess that i was preparing to leave and kind of asked me to stay, saying he needed me and my mother does also. And things have gotten worse for him also. I happened what always happened, what i hate so much about this country, these people here and their trivial stupidity and evilness.
He was a time off for medical reasons and when he came back, he got punished by stripping him off his workplace and degrading him to another place. He worked there for almost 20 years.
As when you are not an academic or born into these networks, you will always be the victim of these firms and people karma has made your superiors, and they never disappoint to be disgusting as shit.
This, this is what this society has made of itself, yet they speak in big works of morals and work ethic, they dare to.
Like i said to him when i heard it, every time. Every time in this country the story goes the same, you can adjust yoiur clock to it. We are a workforce sentenced to a lifetime of labour in a world that will always be to small for us ruled by ghouls that look alike, speak alike and are alike in their predictable sneakyness.
And i could not bring myself to go soon as planned. I tried, but i thought of us growing up in that environment, and how i had not known that he also was traumatized.
He sounded so lost, like me. I see him learning to live again after the youth we had, throwing punches at the walls for hours, and then later in the dojos.
So i slept a long time, and then dragged myself out of bed. I felt like a machine that had been slowly shutting down itself trying to reverse the process a bit.
So now i am preparing to stay a little while more. Instead of finding the peace i longed for. I tell myself that it wont be long. That i will find a way to support him until its better and then go.
All this does not mean i will not order my sn tomorrow as planned to find out if the seller will scam me. If not, it will be usable for a while.
I wish we had never come here. I mean into this world. I hate all this so much. Reasonably speaking, this is a fucking hellhole for people like us. Cant even die in peace.
