Venting And I thought I will finally get help

[BridgeJumper]

You might remember my thread about checking myself into treatment. My eight suicide atttempts the day before admission, best friends ctb and complete lack of sleep were the last straw. But of course no place that will help me wants to take me in :D Should have learned that 7 years ago. The only place that would take me was inpatient, it was either that or gtfo back home. The place is nice, clean and with paintings on the walls and staff that actually cares, but its just an ordinary psych ward. I dont know what I was hoping for. The only thing they do here is movies and crosswords, no therapy work. 2 talks with a psychologist over the last 2 weeks. They took my ink pens away so I dont hurt myself, but left me a disposable razor. Limited the time Im allowed to paint because it takes focus off therapy, even though art is my only outlet and theres no therapy here. Got put on the same old med combo that doesnt work except for getting me high as a kite. Im actually grateful they dont work, but dont have any side effects that would make me even more suicidal. Its like placebo. They try alternative treatments here, like ect, brain implants and ketamine infusions, so I asked for a chance to try them. Nope. Ive been depressed for 13 years. Its so bad that I cant shower, eat or leave my bed, and Im too weak to walk. Cant sleep because of nightmares, and I wish I died in my sleep everyday. But I dont qualify, and some stupid woman whos all smiles does.
I get nothing out of being here, its a joke. I told them Ill implicate them all in my note. Write down their names, write that I was on the verge of suicide and they wouldnt help me. Then Ill jump and leave the letter and they will have some fun time in a dark room with the cops. My last final act of revenge
Im done. Thanks for listening.

 

[LittleJem]

Fucking hell. No words for what you are going through. Are you in the UK or US? Fuck them for not trying ECT etc on you.

I wish I knew something that would help - I have tried various things, but none of them have helped me: Kratom, Ayahuasca. Have they tried you an on MAOI as apparently MAOIs can be better for treatment resistant stuff. I've put two links below.

Truth is I am bedridden with much less than the shit and hell you are going through. I wish depression was a bit more like terminal cancer and just had an end date on it.

MAO inhibitors: An option worth trying in treatment-resistant cases

Fears of hypertensive complications, drug-food interactions, and other side effects discourage many psychiatrists from prescribing MAOIs. The authors urge readers to rediscover these drugs, especially for treatment-resistant depressions and related disorders.

www.mdedge.com

PsychoTropical Research by Dr Ken Gillman

PsychoTropical Research - Critical independent evaluations in psycho-pharmacology

psychotropical.com

 

[Sensei]

I spoke to a psychiatrist who was very frank. He said that if he would get ill himself, he'd request ECT without hesitating a second. I does seem to work on both unipolar and bipolar depressions.