And how about me... should *I* commit suicide?

[make1wish]

I'm new and somehow excited to write my first post, selfishly all about me, and hoping some of you are bored enough to read it and respond...

I guess I'm at the place where I feel I can no longer delay, where I need to go forward.
What partially stops me is I wish this weren't true, I wish things were different and living were possible.
That makes me wonder if I have a wish to die strong enough to go thru with suicide...

My situation is partly because of the huge huge huge debt I accumulated (credit cards, medical debt, student loans).
The debt has repercussions.
My current debt isn't ridiculous. But I have zero savings.
Conceivably in 4 years or so I could pay the debt down (excluding student loans) to a manageable amount.
But this timetable means no other expenses could come up that might eat away at the debt payments.

I'm a 44-year-old guy. I took some professional chances, several failed.
But now I love what I do for work. It's not high-paying though, and I live in an expensive area of the country.
Some of the problems that consume me are for the next few years and beyond all my extra income will go to paying down debt.
the best hope I have is that maybe when I'm 48 I can finally start saving. It won't be much savings, because like I said my career isn't something people get rich doing.

During this all-extra-earnings-goes-to-debt period, I can't afford to date. I'm single, the past couple of years of intense suicidality has left me utterly isolated.
Add to this I've always had trouble meeting people. I've got really low self esteem and hate myself.
I wish it were different and could be with someone.
Knowing that in all likelihood I'll always be alone -- because I can't afford to date (and where I live, and my age, you need money to get to know someone) and even if I could I still hate myself and realize that's not attractive -- is another reason I want to die.
And these next 5 years at least, of never doing anything but paying off all debt is what I now face, and will continue to face alone. ANd it pisses me off that something about money is a thing that has done me in.
Before there's any "Go make more money! advice," that's not possible.
If anyone feels after reading this story that suicide does NOT make sense, I welcome what you have to say, pr whatever anyone has to say.

 

[HadEnough1974]

Sounds to me like it's the fear of being alone than a money issue. Money would help for sure, easier to go out, date, mingle. I understand how you feel.

 

[squirtsoda]

Not gonna say whether or not suicide is warranted in your case, but I can relate with you on all counts except I hate my job, and I'm nowhere near 4 years of getting out of debt lol. I feel your pain buddy.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

I want to say now that I support you on whatever path you take, you are the only person who will understand your own pain better than anyone, who am I to judge. I'm not gonna sit here and tell you to keep working harder but rather just support you on whatever path you want to take, I hope the best for you (:

 

[HadEnough1974]

But to answer your question, should you commit suicide. That's not for anyone here to decide. You are the "decider in chief".

 

[LordHector]

Cheers! Might be difficult to find enoy while paying debts, but consider making good friendships. These are never expensive. Cheap housemeetings, Just walking over the park, buying some fries and Cheap soda are the best plans when correct People are Met. You dont sound like someone who wants do end himself, in fact you have already calculated Your way out so youre still not hopeless. Remember ctb is an personal choice, once you feel unbearable, dont hesitate. But thats only for when sure of it.

 

[Heady_Cerebrum]

If you're of sound mind I don't think it's anyone's place to say you should continue to live a life you're not happy with. I was in a similar situation and decided to claim bankruptcy, it helped my financial situation and my self esteem not having collectors always trying to get ahold of me. If not bankruptcy are you able to apply to have your loans restructured? Most financial institutions want to get their money back and are willing to work with debtors so that they can continue to receive money. It isn't in their best interest to outright decline a request to restructure.

Have you looked into these things? Have you talked to a financial counsellor? They are not the same thing as a financial planner, they usually have a counselling background and know of financial programs, as well as being able to help with other money issues like budgeting.

 

[Ghost2211]

Hello, and welcome. It seems you have been putting logical rational thought into things, I respect that. I'm sorry to hear money is such a confining and limiting element in your life. It is hard to spend all your time earning money only to give it away and not enjoy it. It is sad how financially centered dating is, and I can see how that strains socializing.

You said find reasons for you not to die? Well... it does sound like you make enough money to live, and you will have time to save for retirement before you get too old. You can socialize for free with groups like this, and for that matter you can meet people through dating sites. Not everyone is hung up on money, and you can do free dates like the park and beach. Is a pet an option? Sometimes animals can be better friends and room mates than humans.

Another thing is we can help you feel cared about and valued, and since you know how if feels to be at a low point you can help others that also need a friend that cares. Having purpose can help ones self worth.

 

[issyishere]

It's really your choice to decide since this is the most important decision you can make. If you really want opinions then from what you described I'd personally say no I don't think your situation is grim enough to warrant suicide, dating on the internet exists now and there's plenty of people looking and even when you're done paying off your debt. you'll have a job you love like you said and can finally get on with your life and begin finding love. It seems as though you fear ending up alone. The odds are in your favor though. Finding someone is a numbers game and you'll probably end up finding someone. But ultimately the choice is up to you. I don't know what you're feeling or what you're going through. we'll support you either way

 

[goomsoom]

the best part about this community is we don't tell what you should do. Its always your choice what matters.

I can relate to you on some level, working your ass off doing something you don't like and then it is never enough.

 

[Soul]

If you love your work, that's a huge gift compared with being stuck in a position one hates, and/or being unable to enjoy anything. And there are other ways to meet people than dating: volunteering, joining a club related to something you love, walking a dog, etc.

As @HadEnough1974 said, you're the decider in chief; no one else is in a position to assess whether or not your life is worth living. To me it sounds like you don't want to die. But you're the one who knows.

x

 

[Polka]

Look at the bigger picture and see that you are not missing out on much. Relationships are very risky for a man right now. Statistically speaking if the divorce does not get you then the cheating will. If you are looking for happiness and/or validation from a woman then this is a recipe for disaster. They want a man confident in himself not dependent on them.

With effort you can work on yourself and take on the odds of modern dating from a position of strength.

Dating has to be cheap in order to weed out the gold diggers. If she is not happy with a coffee then you know she is there for an income stream and there is limited sexual attraction. If she is into you then she will be happy with a walk in the park.

 

[make1wish]

Sounds to me like it's the fear of being alone than a money issue. Money would help for sure, easier to go out, date, mingle. I understand how you feel.

Yes, you hit that nail on the head. Thank you for that, HadEnough1974

I want to say now that I support you on whatever path you take, you are the only person who will understand your own pain better than anyone, who am I to judge. I'm not gonna sit here and tell you to keep working harder but rather just support you on whatever path you want to take, I hope the best for you (:

When I read your reply I smiled. It's so radical but true.

Cheers! Might be difficult to find enoy while paying debts, but consider making good friendships. These are never expensive. Cheap housemeetings, Just walking over the park, buying some fries and Cheap soda are the best plans when correct People are Met. You dont sound like someone who wants do end himself, in fact you have already calculated Your way out so youre still not hopeless. Remember ctb is an personal choice, once you feel unbearable, dont hesitate. But thats only for when sure of it.

You're definitely a super-wise lord, thank you for reading my first post and seeing what's more of my truth, beyond those words I wrote

If you're of sound mind I don't think it's anyone's place to say you should continue to live a life you're not happy with. I was in a similar situation and decided to claim bankruptcy, it helped my financial situation and my self esteem not having collectors always trying to get ahold of me. If not bankruptcy are you able to apply to have your loans restructured? Most financial institutions want to get their money back and are willing to work with debtors so that they can continue to receive money. It isn't in their best interest to outright decline a request to restructure.

Have you looked into these things? Have you talked to a financial counsellor? They are not the same thing as a financial planner, they usually have a counselling background and know of financial programs, as well as being able to help with other money issues like budgeting.

Hi Heady_Cerebrum. Yes, I started exploring those options a few years back. Helped a ton. Bankruptcy isn't something I can afford (filing and attorney fees).. though truth is I haven't looked into it in in as much depth as required to really learn what those costs might be... I've thought of handling the process on my own, if it's possible according to the law to do without a law degree. But I'm guessing it means a lot of effort and time I don't really have to get it done in a reasonable amount of time. Plus the emotional "tax" of it. Plus, to my mind (only, obviously) bankruptcy is on my way to suicide not as a road to living. though I don't consider it that way for anyone else :)

 

[faust]

Hello!
I think it would be very useful to read all the laws about bankruptcy, to weigh all the pros and cons in your country. That can improve your financial situation.
What about relationships, you have a good opportunity comparing to people who have money. The more money you have the higher possibility of meeting a woman which will calculate your money. Just try to find a woman with interests like yours, who does not like shopping much, comfort, etc. It is harder nowadays, but you can be sure about her intentions. A cup of tea drank together with you and a film watched at your home will grab more of her attention than countless roses and noname expensive presents. And if you make a present for her with your own hands, she will love that.
It is your choice to live or to die. Just wanted to give you some advices in case you decide to stay.
☮ ☮ ☮

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Financial problems and not being able to find romance, love are really heavy issues and especially when they both compound on you. I don't blame you for wanting to CTB (in fact, just about any reason is valid as what breaks one person may not break another, vice versa). At any rate, I hope you are able to find peace in whatever you choose to do.

 

[Wayfaerer]

We're somewhat alike, although instead of fiscal issues I have unpleasant chronic health issues and being <30. If I were in your position? I personally wouldn't but that's only based of what you've little posted.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

If something in your own thoughts is stopping you , then I'd say it's not time to go. But only you can make that decision.

Debt sucks. It can feel crippling. But it's just paper moving around. It can't actually hurt you , although it can make living very difficult.

Until I married, I lived similarly: low-paying job, high cost-of-living area, lots of bills and student loans.

I feel like I should mention that I met my husband online when I was 35 and got married at 38. It's not too late for you to meet someone. We had no money back then and are still paying a fortune to his ex-wife, but we're making it work somehow.

It seems that you are willing to cut others a ton of slack that you can't see for yourself. Why should you accept less?

 

[k75]

I can't decide for you if your reasons are valid. Only you know for sure what you can and cannot live with. And I understand the pressures of needing to pay off your debt, and needing to do it as soon as possible, but you have to be a little more flexible, I think.

You've got to budget yourself a little spending money. Spending every single extra penny on the debt is not a sustainable plan. It's like forcing yourself to only eat lettuce and nothing but lettuce for the next four years no matter what. You couldn't live like that.

Maybe you could actually set a budget amount and stick to that. You could afford to date a little bit that way, if you wanted. Although, it might be better to hold off on dating and relationships right now while you're going through this and try for friendships instead. Baby steps. Either way, there's lots you can do that doesn't even cost much.

But being isolated and not letting yourself have any fun or spend a little bit of money is basically like trying to live in permanent anhedonia. That's barely living, and it's not going to help you want to not die for sure. Life needs a reward system. Otherwise there's no incentive to go on.

I don't see anything in your story that's not overcomeable. So if you'd like to give life a chance, maybe consider a slightly different approach. Give yourself permission to live a little. Your current plan is pretty soul-crushing, in my opinion, and I don't think anybody could really survive that for a long.