I think this metaphor isn't that fitting for me. I am horrible at math. I am not as bad in reading social interactions. My friends might say something else. I have the tendency to overthink them.
I am on the autism spectrum and people like me struggle to read social interactions intuitively. It is more a rational evalution with logic. I am pretty sure there is something missing with this approach. Or a huge tendency for false positives. Especially me with my past psychoses. There is also the risk to see people as means. Or to see social interactions as strategy exercises. This can be really stressful. I had many social interactions in the past months where there was like a duel in predicting behavior.
The best example is with my former therapist. She tried to ruin me. I always considered her quite incompetent. And maybe I showed this a little bit too much. I think this can be the consequence of wanting to be an autitic smartass. Though, as a therapist she should be able to deal with that. Or at least not announcing that she will write lies in my medical records as revenge. It was like a battle of wits with mind games. Actually, she if she was smart she could have fucked me over so fucking hard. But her whole approach was stupid as fuck. She just could have wrote something really damaging in my medical records as a side note. Instead she announced it to me. I replied something well that's not the truth. And in the conversations she sort of implied this doesn't matter they won't believe you with your conditions. Something like that was always a horror scenario for me. This is something a self-aware person with past psychosis fears. But I already played such scenarios in my head quite frequently. I had to go into offense. I replied to her well therapy is now over. And I demand from you a written report why the therapy abruptly ended today. She was really angry about that. I reversed the game. I also told her that I document my whole life and that I am also documenting all therapy sessions so when she invents lies I can prove them to be lies. A smart person would have said. The situation is sort of risky for me. I should abstain from taking revenge. I hoped she wouldn't invent lies then. But obviously she was dumb enough to write them in her report. And I am dependent on welfare and social programs, she knows of my past suicidality and that my life hinges on it. Someone rational could have anticipated that I will go to an all-out war against her. At the start she could have obliterated me. I had absolutely nothing in my hand. Her first mail after the argument was full of lies. She became arrogant. She sent me a mail with the intention to make me pay for the therapy session. I called my health insurance and could prove what she says was a lie. This made her nervous. And she stumbled from one mistake to the next. Later I demanded the protocolls of the therapy sessions. And there were anachronisms that I can prove mixed with lies about the therapy and my motivation for the therapy. My key evidence is sort of a smoking gun. I am waiting for the outcome of my complaint. I read the chamber of therapists is often biased in favor of therapists. My therapist also called my psychiatrist and in a manipulative way she wanted to get her on her side. And partly she was successful in that. I had an appointment with my psychiatrist and she repeated the narrative of my therapist. From what my psychiatrist described my former therapist seemed to be in panic. The truth is she manipulated medical records. And she knows if I can prove that this could have devastating consequences for her. In the exchange with my psychiatrist there was an undertone that I am an inconvinient patient and that this might be bad for our relationship. My psychiatrist said the behavior of my therapist wouldn't be too unsual and that I was pressuring her too much. I looked her in the eyes and told her. Well if she did nothing wrong she can send me the original files of the session protocolls with the meta data and everything is fine. Maybe this is all a misunderstanding. It isn't like she had anything to hide. And well in this moment my psychiatrist realized. This panic of my former therapist only makes sense if she is guilty. And man she is guilty as fuck. Honestly, making all these decisions was stressful as fuck. And I had to take a lot of emergency medication in this time period. I knew if I become paranoid or even i my behavior could be interpreted as paranoid this would ruin my credibility irreversibly. And it felt like a high stake game. I used artifical intelligence to analyze my and her mails. And there was a lot of data to analyze and with AI I got an overview. AI did a lot of mistakes. But I double and triplechecked everything. Sometimes even more often. And I talked with patient counsellors and they were pretty impressed by my formulations. I also sent my complaint to a woman from an ethics organization so that AI didn't just invent shit. I think the AI chatbots were quite good for getting feedback. But it was very heterogeneous between the different models. To that time they said gemini would be the best model in the market. The advantage was. Gemini doesn't care how long a passage or answer is. It took my input and kept my original sentences in a slightly more formal tone. But still too emotional for a law text. I trusted chatGPT the most. It often made my input more abstract with a stronger emphasis on a neutral tone that isn't that easy to contest. Maybe my text was too mild in its formulation but all the people I gave the text thought it was pretty good. And there was a coherent logic in my text in contrast to her texts full of lies.
I think there are high risks with AI chatbots. And they can be an echo chamber. I can say the gemini feedback on health is a disaster it is always assuming the worst and makes fears worse. I think you have to be pretty self-aware when using chatbots. You have to reflect on your emotional state, why you are using which formulations and which biases you have. Using them can lead into a hellhole. But I think if you use them correctly you can benefit from them a lot. I read a German newspaper article today that was very good at differentiating between smart and stupid usage of AI chatbots. And from my experience I can agree with what they hypothesized. In the end I am not a law expert. And there is the advantage with the complaint that I am not liable for formal mistakes. They don't expect from you to be a lawyer. The text probably isn't perfect. Maybe it is like a text from a bachelor student with mistakes from time to time. But still I think the text always sounded way better than my original text where it was obvious that I was melting of rage and how much I was affected by all of this.
The AI feedback can help me to understand social interactions better. I often see patterns where there are none. One issue with psychosis patient. I am too certain of what is going on in other people's minds. I am also too certain of past events and in how they should be interpreted. I re-watched Death Note recently. And the series is full of mind games that would never work out in real life because life is way too contingent to predict the next 25 steps your enemy will do. There is always the factor of unpredictability. And this is also a flaw in my thinking. I envision the future also my future as too deterministic. The way I think is highly dependent on my emotional state. And there is like a cycle of worrying. And it isn't rational how my worrying changes the topics in such a high pace. My thinking is rather a way to cope with omnipresent high anxiety and rumination. The AI feedbacks helps to regulate me. One could say I am manipulating my own emotions. But I don't think I like answer that simply calm me down with no empirical evidence. The explanation is very important to me. But you need at least some trust in the models that you are using. At the same time you shouldn't fully trust them and always question the answers. It is still a high-wire act. But with psychosis, autism and bipolar you have so many cognitive biases that feedback can be really helpful. At the same time the feeback can reinforce anxiety. Another reason why I also ask real life friends. But AI is patient without boundaries and sometimes my rumination becomes really absurd.
I am on the autism spectrum and people like me struggle to read social interactions intuitively. It is more a rational evalution with logic. I am pretty sure there is something missing with this approach. Or a huge tendency for false positives. Especially me with my past psychoses. There is also the risk to see people as means. Or to see social interactions as strategy exercises. This can be really stressful. I had many social interactions in the past months where there was like a duel in predicting behavior.
The best example is with my former therapist. She tried to ruin me. I always considered her quite incompetent. And maybe I showed this a little bit too much. I think this can be the consequence of wanting to be an autitic smartass. Though, as a therapist she should be able to deal with that. Or at least not announcing that she will write lies in my medical records as revenge. It was like a battle of wits with mind games. Actually, she if she was smart she could have fucked me over so fucking hard. But her whole approach was stupid as fuck. She just could have wrote something really damaging in my medical records as a side note. Instead she announced it to me. I replied something well that's not the truth. And in the conversations she sort of implied this doesn't matter they won't believe you with your conditions. Something like that was always a horror scenario for me. This is something a self-aware person with past psychosis fears. But I already played such scenarios in my head quite frequently. I had to go into offense. I replied to her well therapy is now over. And I demand from you a written report why the therapy abruptly ended today. She was really angry about that. I reversed the game. I also told her that I document my whole life and that I am also documenting all therapy sessions so when she invents lies I can prove them to be lies. A smart person would have said. The situation is sort of risky for me. I should abstain from taking revenge. I hoped she wouldn't invent lies then. But obviously she was dumb enough to write them in her report. And I am dependent on welfare and social programs, she knows of my past suicidality and that my life hinges on it. Someone rational could have anticipated that I will go to an all-out war against her. At the start she could have obliterated me. I had absolutely nothing in my hand. Her first mail after the argument was full of lies. She became arrogant. She sent me a mail with the intention to make me pay for the therapy session. I called my health insurance and could prove what she says was a lie. This made her nervous. And she stumbled from one mistake to the next. Later I demanded the protocolls of the therapy sessions. And there were anachronisms that I can prove mixed with lies about the therapy and my motivation for the therapy. My key evidence is sort of a smoking gun. I am waiting for the outcome of my complaint. I read the chamber of therapists is often biased in favor of therapists. My therapist also called my psychiatrist and in a manipulative way she wanted to get her on her side. And partly she was successful in that. I had an appointment with my psychiatrist and she repeated the narrative of my therapist. From what my psychiatrist described my former therapist seemed to be in panic. The truth is she manipulated medical records. And she knows if I can prove that this could have devastating consequences for her. In the exchange with my psychiatrist there was an undertone that I am an inconvinient patient and that this might be bad for our relationship. My psychiatrist said the behavior of my therapist wouldn't be too unsual and that I was pressuring her too much. I looked her in the eyes and told her. Well if she did nothing wrong she can send me the original files of the session protocolls with the meta data and everything is fine. Maybe this is all a misunderstanding. It isn't like she had anything to hide. And well in this moment my psychiatrist realized. This panic of my former therapist only makes sense if she is guilty. And man she is guilty as fuck. Honestly, making all these decisions was stressful as fuck. And I had to take a lot of emergency medication in this time period. I knew if I become paranoid or even i my behavior could be interpreted as paranoid this would ruin my credibility irreversibly. And it felt like a high stake game. I used artifical intelligence to analyze my and her mails. And there was a lot of data to analyze and with AI I got an overview. AI did a lot of mistakes. But I double and triplechecked everything. Sometimes even more often. And I talked with patient counsellors and they were pretty impressed by my formulations. I also sent my complaint to a woman from an ethics organization so that AI didn't just invent shit. I think the AI chatbots were quite good for getting feedback. But it was very heterogeneous between the different models. To that time they said gemini would be the best model in the market. The advantage was. Gemini doesn't care how long a passage or answer is. It took my input and kept my original sentences in a slightly more formal tone. But still too emotional for a law text. I trusted chatGPT the most. It often made my input more abstract with a stronger emphasis on a neutral tone that isn't that easy to contest. Maybe my text was too mild in its formulation but all the people I gave the text thought it was pretty good. And there was a coherent logic in my text in contrast to her texts full of lies.
I think there are high risks with AI chatbots. And they can be an echo chamber. I can say the gemini feedback on health is a disaster it is always assuming the worst and makes fears worse. I think you have to be pretty self-aware when using chatbots. You have to reflect on your emotional state, why you are using which formulations and which biases you have. Using them can lead into a hellhole. But I think if you use them correctly you can benefit from them a lot. I read a German newspaper article today that was very good at differentiating between smart and stupid usage of AI chatbots. And from my experience I can agree with what they hypothesized. In the end I am not a law expert. And there is the advantage with the complaint that I am not liable for formal mistakes. They don't expect from you to be a lawyer. The text probably isn't perfect. Maybe it is like a text from a bachelor student with mistakes from time to time. But still I think the text always sounded way better than my original text where it was obvious that I was melting of rage and how much I was affected by all of this.
The AI feedback can help me to understand social interactions better. I often see patterns where there are none. One issue with psychosis patient. I am too certain of what is going on in other people's minds. I am also too certain of past events and in how they should be interpreted. I re-watched Death Note recently. And the series is full of mind games that would never work out in real life because life is way too contingent to predict the next 25 steps your enemy will do. There is always the factor of unpredictability. And this is also a flaw in my thinking. I envision the future also my future as too deterministic. The way I think is highly dependent on my emotional state. And there is like a cycle of worrying. And it isn't rational how my worrying changes the topics in such a high pace. My thinking is rather a way to cope with omnipresent high anxiety and rumination. The AI feedbacks helps to regulate me. One could say I am manipulating my own emotions. But I don't think I like answer that simply calm me down with no empirical evidence. The explanation is very important to me. But you need at least some trust in the models that you are using. At the same time you shouldn't fully trust them and always question the answers. It is still a high-wire act. But with psychosis, autism and bipolar you have so many cognitive biases that feedback can be really helpful. At the same time the feeback can reinforce anxiety. Another reason why I also ask real life friends. But AI is patient without boundaries and sometimes my rumination becomes really absurd.
