Discussion An Unscheduled Life

[Joey]

Do I want to live an unscheduled life?

The answer is complex and dangerous. It goes past social norms to accept a child free life—embracing nature instead of fighting it. What if we just accept what nature has offered and run with it?

I think about this a lot. What if things were reversed? What if it was the norm to not have kids? Why do some others chase it so much to follow a certain life script? How much of what we are doing is because it's the normal thing to do?

How many aspects of life are being controlled by a social norm?

We go to college or work, then we date, then we pick one and get married, then we have children, then you have big family feasts on holidays until you die. It's all so scheduled, isn't it?

No, I don't mean "scheduled" in reference to our daily bullshit, I mean scheduled in the grand scheme of life. I've recently understood a new idea; one that goes beyond being devastated by the loss of a "social norm scheduled life".

What if the greatest decision we ever make is to chose to accept what nature gave us instead of fighting it? What if, by doing this, we have a better, more fulfilling life than we ever would have, had we decided on having the "scheduled" life. Maybe kids are not all they are cracked up to be. You can't pick them- what if they turn out to be ass holes?

What if. What if we decided on, "no kids because nature said no AND so did we."

What if, at the end of our journey in life we write about all we experienced? We write a book to inspire others to embrace or even choose, an unscheduled life.

It's strange the pangs I get in my gut when I feel passionately positive about having a kid. It's almost like a Coveted and holy concept. Must. Have. Children. Supposed. To.

But I feel excitement when I think about saying "no", because that's not a typical life. It has the potential to be an extraordinary life— full of adventure, travel, Hobbies, sleep, and doing things I want to do.

Recognizing how insignificant we are in the grand scheme of the universe is the most powerful tool in my mental arsenal. After we die, life goes on. Enough lineage passes and our names get lost in a history thats ever growing EVEN IF you have kids. What's the point? Thousands of years have passed and people have died and we don't know 99.9% of their names. What does it matter what we did while we are here?! We are vastly insignificant in the scheme of the universe. Time will pass along just the same whether or not you pass genetics on to an offspring. What the fuck does it matter if we have kids?!?

AND We won't know what happens after we die because we are dead.

Also, the world may be going to shit. Is it selfish to try so hard to bring a being into existence just to pick up the pieces of a scary broken world?

I would be very happy leading a life of child free adventures with a good friend. Making it our purpose to enjoy and see as much as we can and to share it with the world, or with no one. Lucky for some of us, it can only change our life course. No matter what, we do every part of this life thing, together.

Should we or I choose the unscheduled life?

 

[Deleted member 1465]

In principle I'm with you. Following the way things are, what you call nature, is going to yield the easiest results in life.
However, I don't understand how you equate this with not having offspring.
Nature's sole imperative is to create new life and care for that life until it is old enough to create more new life.
This is a universal response to entropy and is at the heart of the forces behind nature, otherwise porn wouldn't be the most popular thing on the internet.
How does not having children equate to aligning oneself with the patterns of nature?

 

[GravityUtilizer]

How does not having children equate to aligning oneself with the patterns of nature?

The way I would look at it is the fortunate side of being a species with a highly evolved brain is that we can see through nature's trap? For although we may feel the imperative, ultimately we know that there is no future for any one person or indeed species, given a long enough timescale.

Basically I vote yes. Choose the unscheduled life.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I would say that just because we can, doesn't mean we should. I'd apply that to all manner of things, including procreation, for we live in a world of burgeoning population and destructive technology.
I believe advancement should be modulated with understanding.
I agree with you, but your attitude is uncommon, and not one that the consensus will follow.

 

[timf]

Rather than "scheduled" you may mean "scripted". Any culture provides its members from childhood with expectations and roles that are expected that can and even should be filled. These are often called social constructs. They can be useful in presenting oneself to the larger society. However, they can also be constrictive.

Most people find ways to work their own individuality into a construct so that they can operate within cultural acceptance as well as afford themselves the freedom for self-expression.

Some people desire children because they anticipate the affection a child can give only to be disappointed with the natural selfishness of children. Some desire children because they anticipate having an environment they can control only to be disappointed that this is seldom the case.

Most scripted roles are just as poorly fleshed out in detail as a role written in a play. It only approximates the reality of life. If one is to marry and have children, the life of a family can bring such complexity that poor understanding or preparation can bring much sorrow.

In general, a more successful approach to family life is to structure it around a philosophy or religion that advocates the relinquishment of selfishness. Alternatively, one can have a modern hectic life where each person in the family has their own friends, tasks, and interests, and the home is more like a boarding house with little interaction of residents.

You are going to have to write the script for you own life. You may wish to include elements from the larger culture. However, it never seems to work well to live the idea someone else has for your life.