Story An accidental death

[itsbigbraintime]

Hey guys, I'm new to the site, and I figured I'd share a recent experience with you since I really can't tell anyone else in my life about it.
So I had been thinking about ctb for a while and then I found this forum and I was so grateful. I didn't know there were actual peaceful ways out. I had planned on going out by hanging anyway, so I read up on partial suspension because that seemed less painful (it was). I set everything up in my closet, and just kinda left it there for a few days. See, I have a fascination with death even on good days, so one night I decided to see if I could get the placement of the rope on my neck right to where I start to pass out. I had done it before but I was just kinda like "fuck it lets do it again". Anyway, I threw the loop around my neck, and put my weight on it. Normally, I'd start feeling my body going numb and my hearing start going all stuttery and stop, but this time was kind of a weird combination of me going "No, I'll go a couple seconds longer", and I don't know, just kind of getting distracted by a thought in my head. So yeah, I let it go too long. My next memory was coming to with my body spazzing the fuck out. and I'm pretty sure I knocked something over because my roommates dogs were barking. I managed to regain a little control of my arms and get the ligature off of my neck, but it was still pretty scary. I was actually more scared of being caught in the attempt than I was of actually dying. Overall, I've got mixed emotions about the whole thing, and there's no one I can really tell. So yeah. Thanks for reading and excuse my horrible storytelling skills.

 

[GinaIsReady]

Wow - that's really interesting! Thanks for sharing and your storytelling skills are great.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

That's amazing! Do you think you actually died and came back? Do you feel normal?

 

[Sensei]

You write that you have mixed emotions about the experience. I don't know your whole situation, but don't you think this might mean that deep down inside, you want to and should give life one more shot? Admittedly, it's not my business, but may I ask what it is that makes you feel that you must die?

 

[itsbigbraintime]

You write that you have mixed emotions about the experience. I don't know your whole situation, but don't you think this might mean that deep down inside, you want to and should give life one more shot? Admittedly, it's not my business, but may I ask what it is that makes you feel that you must die?

Well, you're right really. Especially after that experience, I decided that I'd give things another shot and that's what I'm doing now. I guess it's just nice to know that if things are horrible again, and impossible to get out of, I've got a way out.

That's amazing! Do you think you actually died and came back? Do you feel normal?

Nah, I don't think I actually died, but I think if I had it would have been pretty similar to what I was already experiencing. I don't believe in an afterlife, so I think it would've just been more nothing. And yeah, I feel normal all things considered. Just taking things a day at a time.

 

[Deathbydemo]

I find your story incredibly interesting and glad you shared it with us. I'm glad you have decided to give life one more shot. All the best.