Feel the exact same way. I fear getting a full time job because I don't want to spend the rest of my life working, coming home still depressing, sleeping, then waking up to do it all over again until I die, because we all know I'm never gonna be able to retire in this society that bleeds you dry and leaves you one missed paycheck away from being homeless or starving. At the same time, my father and stepmom treat me more like shit than their daughter for not having a job, even when I tell them I'm trying. Talking to them makes me realize how useless I actually am, and I usually feel the most like CBT-ing after talking to them. It's to the point I can't even talk to them about anything thats not job search-related. I'll do everything I can think of to at least not rot in bed all day and no matter what they don't care. They don't even care I tried to CTB only 3 months ago, even though they fully know.