Am I weak and covard by wanting to ctb?

[Emilia1012]

I suffer a lot, can barely get out of bed everyday. I have pretty serious problems but I know people with worse problems don't ctb.
I am thinking if it makes me just weak and covard? I wish I was wiser and stronger
My dad told me today that I cry all days "looking for sympathy". But it isn't true, I cry a lot everyday because I suffer a lot and can't help crying

 

[Weary Soul]

In my view, CTB is one of the most difficult things anyone can do, weak? Not IMO.

Personally at my age, I have found that life is a rollercoaster with ups and downs, and ultimately, if you can self-reflect it will make you wiser and stronger if you live through the hard times; however, if you cut that short, well that wisdom and strength you seem to want will be lost.

Please know that this is not intended as encouragement to end your life; it is just my viewpoint. As others have said here, please try any and all available treatments before making such a drastic decision - a decision that there is no turning back from.

I am so sorry, you seem to be hurting so badly.

<3

 

[All Things Must Pass]

Of course not.

 

[nopointofliving]

I feel you. I'm sorry for your pain.

Nope, you aren't a coward or weak person. Not at all. Crying means there are many unresolved issues within and you try to express that by crying. It isn't your fault that life has been unfair to you. Don't hold your tears, cry whenever you feel to. Crying and sleeping a lot can help you to cope with the pain. I wish you all the best. Hugs

 

[BlankUser]

No, you're not weak or a coward. People who say such things don't know what real suffering is. In fact, I wish these toxic positive people who judge us could live with our problems at least for a month. I wonder what would they say then...

 

[Emilia1012]

In my view, CTB is one of the most difficult things anyone can do, weak? Not IMO.

Personally at my age, I have found that life is a rollercoaster with ups and downs, and ultimately, if you can self-reflect it will make you wiser and stronger if you live through the hard times; however, if you cut that short, well that wisdom and strength you seem to want will be lost.

Please know that this is not intended as encouragement to end your life; it is just my viewpoint. As others have said here, please try any and all available treatments before making such a drastic decision - a decision that there is no turning back from.

I am so sorry, you seem to be hurting so badly.

<3

Thank you so much. Yes I am hurting so badly I can't even describe it. if I had a button now that I could press and die ,I would do that right now.

 

[RedHarlequin]

You don't cry because you want attention. I have been crying a lot in the past couple of months too and I know it is just a thing a person does for release when everything is too much. You probably feel trapped and helpless, I'm really sorry you're in this position.

 

[Emilia1012]

You don't cry because you want attention. I have been crying a lot in the past couple of months too and I know it is just a thing a person does for release when everything is too much. You probably feel trapped and helpless, I'm really sorry you're in this position.

Yes exactly, I feel trapped and helpless . I had some simple health issues but because of some doctors error I am in a worse condition now :( It hurts so much that It had to happen to me

 

[RedHarlequin]

Yes exactly, I feel trapped and helpless . I had some simple health issues but because of some doctors error I am in a worse condition now :( It hurts so much that It had to happen to me

Is it a physical condition?

 

[Emilia1012]

Is it a physical condition?

Yes exactly. I had physical problem to be cured by simple surgery, which went bad.. and left me with problems. I regret everyday going through that surgery but how could I know if would go wrong? :(

 

[RedHarlequin]

Yes exactly. I had physical problem to be cured by simple surgery, which went bad.. and left me with problems. I regret everyday going through that surgery but how could I know if would go wrong? :(

Yes it's not your fault, you couldn't have known it :(

 

[sadlife11134]

My personal opinion is that if you have kids it would very very selfish. Cause then you're gonna make them go through the same thing you went through. I wouldn't do it if I had kids. I won't have kids though cause I don't trust myself.

Other than that no there's nothing "cowardly" about committing suicide. People who don't understand us say that cause they can't relate.

 

[blue_muse]

Makes you brave, to be willing to face the unknown via CTB. It's your Dad who's the coward because he's got to try kicking you down further.

 

[FuneralCry]

No, and there should be more acceptance towards ctb. People shouldn't be forced to suffer in this life, it is inhumane. There is too much stigma towards it and a peaceful death should be a basic human right. There is nothing wrong with crying, sometimes there is only so much one human being can take.

It isn't cowardly, people who say that haven't suffered themselves so they cannot comprehend what it is like to want to leave this earth. It actually is really hard to die due to our survival instinct stopping us from going through with it. It actually requires a lot of courage. I wish you the best.

 

[WornOutLife]

Of you're not.
However, most normal people will tell you that you are.

It seems they think it's very easy to ctb and run away from everything. They just have no idea what a hell being on our minds can be...

I just ignore those people and don't talk about ctb and my depression with anyone except for you all.

 

[Emilia1012]

Thank you all so much, you are wonderful and compassionate people. I decided to try keep being alive right now for my parents, I guess I love them more than myself

 

[Weary Soul]

On the one hand, I so totally respect you and your choice because I think it is important to take loved ones into consideration. (I have none so it is moot for me - they all abandoned me).

Suicide can (I say can - not always) cause such a cascade of negativity and impact others in horrific ways for generations.

IMO, It is never something to take lightly.

However, that being said, what a price to pay; the pain you must be enduring. I am so sorry!

I have experience pain so severe that I begged for death. So I do understand.

<3

 

[Emilia1012]

On the one hand, I so totally respect you and your choice because I think it is important to take loved ones into consideration. (I have none so it is moot for me - they all abandoned me).

Suicide can (I say can - not always) cause such a cascade of negativity and impact others in horrific ways for generations.

IMO, It is never something to take lightly.

However, that being said, what a price to pay; the pain you must be enduring. I am so sorry!

I have experience pain so severe that I begged for death. So I do understand.

<3

I wish I had no people that love me. Then I could just ctb and end my suffering. Otherwise it is so hard. My life is hell lately and I have to continue living for others ,because just thinking of their suffering makes me cry instantly

 

[Weary Soul]

I suspect that the people who abandoned me (family members and my ex who almost killed me and will be going to jail soon for repeated DUIs) will be sad - but I know they will be sad for themselves - not for me and the end of my existence.

So in a way it will impact them, just not as you are describing.

Sending you many warm, gentle hugs of comfort your way.

 

[Emilia1012]

I suspect that the people who abandoned me (family members and my ex who almost killed me and will be going to jail soon for repeated DUIs) will be sad - but I know they will be sad for themselves - not for me and the end of my existence.

So in a way it will impact them, just not as you are describing.

Sending you many warm, gentle hugs of comfort your way.

I am so sorry that family abandoned you and of what your ex did , I am glad he is going to jail.

I just imagined that If someone I love ,for example my dad, suffered a lot and wanted to ctb, I would be very devastated but I would understand and want to end their pain too.

I am sending you many warm hugs too xx

 

[Weary Soul]

As hard as it would be to bear, I agree with you. If I saw a loved one suffering so badly, I would not put my wants or needs above theirs. I would hope for peace for them - no matter the cost to me

 

[Emilia1012]

As hard as it would be to bear, I agree with you. If I saw a loved one suffering so badly, I would not put my wants or needs above theirs. I would hope for peace for them - no matter the cost to me

Exactly. Years ago my grandfather was dying of cancer and suffering a lot, Even I cried many tears and I still miss him so much, I felt relief when he finally died and stopped suffering.

 

[sm20]

I suffer a lot, can barely get out of bed everyday. I have pretty serious problems but I know people with worse problems don't ctb.
I am thinking if it makes me just weak and covard? I wish I was wiser and stronger
My dad told me today that I cry all days "looking for sympathy". But it isn't true, I cry a lot everyday because I suffer a lot and can't help crying

Ctb takes a lot of courage, everyone can feel certain about what happens after death but when you actually get ready to attempt it feels scary anyways. There's also the fear of failure and what you'll have to live with if you do, there's no bravery in suffering day in day out for no reason. It's only brave if you're doing it for someone else like your parents and not wanting them to deal with your death.

Edit: I read the replies and saw that what I was talking about with staying alive for family is what you're doing. You're a good person and easily better than me.