Self-identified retard here. The more I learn about myself the more I realise how much of a role emotions play into my cognition, almost to the point that EQ has supplanted IQ in what I deem important. I don't think my IQ is high, I've never had an inclination to maths which seems to be the best indicator for high IQ, but my EQ has always been terribly low. Emotional dysregulation, low mood, low concentration, self hate, mind-blanking and experiencing identity death when in the vicinity of other humans, all these factors feed into each other to birth this suicidal conglomerate. I could never finish a book too, unless I'm on my vyvanse. In fact there's lots of things I can do when my mood is high that I couldn't do otherwise.
There are worse forms of stupidity to have than retardation, if by retarded you just mean slow, like a slow processing speed. I may be slow but I'm extremely mentally flexible with the paradigms I can take on, the conceptual lenses I wear. Seeing how bereft a lot of normal people are in this quality is quite terrifying tbh, it can even seem like a form of psychosis they have at times. Being not-retarded is mostly a performative thing anyway, it's so worshipped as a quality because it aides biological and social survival so well, which aren't inherently valuable things. Ben Shapiro is a good example, a fast talker but an absolute slave to his childhood indoctrination, just look at his commentary on the Gaza war war for a talking squawking illustration of psychosis. Just look at the worldwide reaction to transgenderism, these people are utterly mindbroken and terrified at the realization that reality is so much more powerful, dynamic and transcendental than they could ever hope to grasp, they make up little conceptual human-models and use them as bubbles to live inside of to protect themselves from the all engulfing uncertainty that is actual reality. Also look at the disgusting rampant anti-Indian racism that plagues the internet, and just how much the people partaking in it actually see themselves as justified. I don't see how one can't be aware of the underlying structure of the human mind and what it's doing, instead of getting lost in the content, these people would've been the same people justifying slavery.
Anyways sorry for hijacking your thread with that rant. Do you have ADHD by any chance OP? Have you tried for a diagnosis and prescription of medication for it? Pretty much all my problems stem from my identity of being too stupid to be happy, but getting on vyvanse pretty much cured my functional depression for a few years and helped a little bit in my social avoidance, I was able to start communicating with other people again. I'm quite tolerant to it now but it still helps me do anything that isn't bedrotting when I do decide to take it. In fact I doubt I would've even had the drive to create an account here if I wasn't on amphetamines. Though it's not wholesome advice, suggesting you become reliant on a drug to potentially solve your issues, I have no idea if I'll start having issues from using it down the line.
