Am I the only one?

[Wooshe]

I feel so alone. Honestly the so reason why I asked to join is so I can ask this question. Am I the only one who doesn't regret their suicide attempt? I'm going to try and keep this short and sweet so here I go. It's hard for me to rember the details but What I do rember is a few days after I got my wisdom teeth pulled out, I had only taken one or 2 of the 20 I had (I think). So, I figured I could finally CTB. And I swear I did, and I promise I'm not trying to glorify it. But it was perfect, I could feel each breath escaping. My eyes becoming anvils and become too heavy to even squint. I asked myself one question do I really want this. And every part of my sole agreed. Just to prove it to myself I picked up my phone and called 911, just to put it down and wait for the end. I rember literally feeling a wave of euphoria going up and down my body like a wave. Started at my feet and slowly grew to my stomach. And when it got to my heart, I couldn't open my eyes. And when it got to my brain, I saw a black dot. It was so tiny so far away it looked like it was in Jupiter. But it slowly got bigger and closer, next thing I saw was the dot rushing me like a bullet train and covered my entire vision. And I jolted awake. This repeated 6 more times before the last time I closed my eyes. It was covering everything but a slim silhouette of my vision like an eclipse. And it was black I never seen anything like it. Even when I close my eyes to sleep and there is no light, I still can't believe that what I am seeing is black, it just looks gray to me. I don't rember much, but I woke up in the back of an ambulance the paramedic telling me how lucky I was to be alive. And how easy I have it and over all being so mean. I was told I died, and everything I look back at that moment I just can't help but feel happy, I got what I wanted for a second. In that moment I felt different. It didn't feel like I was sleeping. I feel like I know what its like to die. And its everything I wanted. Its pure bliss. Its nothing, you font feel anything.

But what gets me is when I hear about other people's suicides, they always say they regret it. And how they never want to do it again. But if someone told me they could give me more pills and this time it will work. I will probably take it. I just feel like I'm the only one who doesn't regret it.

TL:DR I attempted CTB and Feel like I succeeded for a moment. But contract to everyone else I don't regret it am I the only one?

 

[Fwompje]

I think most people on this forum only regretted not succeeding before. Some people attempt because they are in a situation they want out of, they might regret attempting then. They wouldn't join a suicide form. There are some who recover after from here though. I think there are many people where who don't mind failing, they just attempt again.

 

[ExistHarm]

this is beautiful OP thank you for sharing. i hope we all can experience such a peaceful transition

 

[Wernove]

I feel so alone. Honestly the so reason why I asked to join is so I can ask this question. Am I the only one who doesn't regret their suicide attempt? I'm going to try and keep this short and sweet so here I go. It's hard for me to rember the details but What I do rember is a few days after I got my wisdom teeth pulled out, I had only taken one or 2 of the 20 I had (I think). So, I figured I could finally CTB. And I swear I did, and I promise I'm not trying to glorify it. But it was perfect, I could feel each breath escaping. My eyes becoming anvils and become too heavy to even squint. I asked myself one question do I really want this. And every part of my sole agreed. Just to prove it to myself I picked up my phone and called 911, just to put it down and wait for the end. I rember literally feeling a wave of euphoria going up and down my body like a wave. Started at my feet and slowly grew to my stomach. And when it got to my heart, I couldn't open my eyes. And when it got to my brain, I saw a black dot. It was so tiny so far away it looked like it was in Jupiter. But it slowly got bigger and closer, next thing I saw was the dot rushing me like a bullet train and covered my entire vision. And I jolted awake. This repeated 6 more times before the last time I closed my eyes. It was covering everything but a slim silhouette of my vision like an eclipse. And it was black I never seen anything like it. Even when I close my eyes to sleep and there is no light, I still can't believe that what I am seeing is black, it just looks gray to me. I don't rember much, but I woke up in the back of an ambulance the paramedic telling me how lucky I was to be alive. And how easy I have it and over all being so mean. I was told I died, and everything I look back at that moment I just can't help but feel happy, I got what I wanted for a second. In that moment I felt different. It didn't feel like I was sleeping. I feel like I know what its like to die. And its everything I wanted. Its pure bliss. Its nothing, you font feel anything.

But what gets me is when I hear about other people's suicides, they always say they regret it. And how they never want to do it again. But if someone told me they could give me more pills and this time it will work. I will probably take it. I just feel like I'm the only one who doesn't regret it.

TL:DR I attempted CTB and Feel like I succeeded for a moment. But contract to everyone else I don't regret it am I the only one?

What amaze me, is the hapiness you felt, would say that you never felt happier ?

 

[Wooshe]

What amaze me, is the hapiness you felt, would say that you never felt happier ?

There is only one recurring moment I can say I felt even close. And it's when I ride my motorcycle Like a mad man going 110 and above. Witch I just assume is because I could die at any moment. So, I don't even think that counts as to me at lest they are the same feeling.