Venting am i the loneliest person alive

[Nessus]

Lots of people post stuff on here about losing someone to death or losing friends or going through a breakup. And it just pains me to hear all the time because have they ever thought about what it feels like to never have had those things in the first place to be able to lose. I would much rather have a relationship and them die a horrible traumatic death than have no relationship to begin with.

My whole life people have pitied me , even my own mum said to me if she was me she would have killed herself ages ago. Ive never had any real friends and connections with people growing up. My earliest memories of when i was in nursery (i was apparently sent to nursery before i was 3 years so im not sure what age this was) is just feeling depressed ,left out, feeling like ill never be a normal person like the others. Apparently i used to sit in the corner and watch everyone else play without me.. why ? i have no fucking clue whats wrong with me or why i was born like this. My earliest memories are dark and such an intense feeling of sadness as if though it came from a past life and i was so young to be experiencing this.

It only went downhill from there. I have wasted my entire teenage years being on the edge of suicide but never actually doing it, just continuing to suffer more. I never had any friends at school and when i came home my family constantly emotionally abused me. The only brief friendships I made was when I was in a psychiatric ward when I was 17 , but they have all lost contact now. I am now nearly turning 19 and my only wish is that i can redo my whole life. The supposed "best years your life" were for me, i cant even describe with words what it was like for me. I dont want to even think about it.

 

[CannotAnymore]

I am now nearly turning 19 and my only wish is that i can redo my whole life.

Your life is just getting started! You can redo your life and be anything you want. You don't have kids or responsibilities or friends. Who do you want to be?

19 is SOOOO young... (I'm 37)..... The only good years I had were in my early 30's..... You are just getting started.

 

[FuneralCry]

Living really is so painful and it sounds like you have suffered a lot. I'm sorry that you have to endure so much pain, it is such an unfair life. I wish you the best.

 

[Gaga786]

Im 19 as well and I relate to your post. I have been lonely all my life ; I would sit alone in break and just wander around whilst seeing all my classmates enjoying life with their friends. Even in college, I sat alone during all my breaks. Life really sucks and I felt like there was a problem with me, My whole school life years were terrible. Even now I can barely make any friends. Just today, a girl from my class who I befriended and to whom I have always been kind to unfollowed me on instagram and removed me as follower. I can never ever make friends in life

 

[ShellofmyFormerSelf]

People are so difficult. It's rare to find a friend that truthfully cares. I'm sorry you had to be so isolated in your life. I know how that feels, from the age of 4 I learned what rejection felt like. My teenage years I spent locked away in my bedroom, isolated and depressed.

So I can understand that pain. Just know it isn't your fault. Sometimes life just is this way. But it was never your fault.

 

[Rational man]

I think loneliness is subjective. We can feel lonely amongst friends and in.relationships..You appear to have people labelling you. I had people like that. I moved on.

 

[September5th]

Don't know, bro. To lose someone is also such a pain in the ass. Both scenarios suck, really.

 

[Efilismislife]

Funny you post this. Since i was 7 when i was being taken away by my psychopath family ive been abused, tortured they ruin my life whole life, everything, making me sick incurable diseases physically&mentally sufferings almost everyday, depressed, i have no friends. Nothing.

i lost hope in everything therefore i stop caring about being lonely anymore thats not what hurt me the most not even the top 5 things that hurt me


"Even in a suicide community i cant relate. People still have and think about company, people who are dear to them/people who still care about them

I cant relate to any of that i dont know what its like to have that"

Lots of people post stuff on here about losing someone to death or losing friends or going through a breakup. And it just pains me to hear all the time because have they ever thought about what it feels like to never have had those things in the first place to be able to lose. I would much rather have a relationship and them die a horrible traumatic death than have no relationship to begin with.

My whole life people have pitied me , even my own mum said to me if she was me she would have killed herself ages ago. Ive never had any real friends and connections with people growing up. My earliest memories of when i was in nursery (i was apparently sent to nursery before i was 3 years so im not sure what age this was) is just feeling depressed ,left out, feeling like ill never be a normal person like the others. Apparently i used to sit in the corner and watch everyone else play without me.. why ? i have no fucking clue whats wrong with me or why i was born like this. My earliest memories are dark and such an intense feeling of sadness as if though it came from a past life and i was so young to be experiencing this.

It only went downhill from there. I have wasted my entire teenage years being on the edge of suicide but never actually doing it, just continuing to suffer more. I never had any friends at school and when i came home my family constantly emotionally abused me. The only brief friendships I made was when I was in a psychiatric ward when I was 17 , but they have all lost contact now. I am now nearly turning 19 and my only wish is that i can redo my whole life. The supposed "best years your life" were for me, i cant even describe with words what it was like for me. I dont want to even think about it.