Am i the crazy one for wanting to give my previous Psychiatrist a piece of myself(skin and blood)

[jawdropped123]

My mental health is obviously declining again, but i have Borderline Personality Disorder and i have a huge attachment with my previous therapist (non sexual). And i just wished she can have a piece of me. I want to cut a junk of skin on my stomach with a blade and then put a little bit of blood in a ziplock bag and give it to her. Because that way she can have a piece of me forever. It just a really obsessive thought ive been having for a couple of days, and im just gonna do it.

 

[deadbidaylight]

I really would advise against doing this. She will be horrified. I don't know if there could be legal ramifications for an act like this or not, but I wouldn't risk it. This is not an act of endearment. Can you write her a nice note instead?

 

[DrJ3llyf1sh]

I'm not going to judge you, but maybe a small jar with just the blood in it and make it into a necklace? How will they even preserve the skin otherwise?

 

[Michi_Violeta]

You will traumatize a good therapist forever and good mental health professionals are a rarity, it'd be like chopping a unicorn's horn. Please, think of other ways of expressing your appreciation for her.

 

[jawdropped123]

I really would advise against doing this. She will be horrified. I don't know if there could be legal ramifications for an act like this or not, but I wouldn't risk it. This is not an act of endearment. Can you write her a nice note instead?

But she will not have s piece of me if i wrote a note. I have written a note before but it felt like something that will be forgotton. I just want her to know the pain i would go thru simply because i adore her so much. I would die for her. And thats the message im trying to send. But i dont want any police involved again. Ive been involved with police three times already.

I'm not going to judge you, but maybe a small jar with just the blood in it and make it into a necklace? How will they even preserve the skin otherwise?

A little bit of blood in a tiny jar is not a bad idea. But i will not feel any pain if i do that. Atleast not for too long. If i do something bigger, it will hurt more and the memory of that scar will stay forever. I will forever remember the pain a went thru to give her a piece of me.
I

You will traumatize a good therapist forever and good mental health professionals are a rarity, it'd be like chopping a unicorn's horn. Please, think of other ways of expressing your appreciation for her.

I will try. But i cant get the thought out of my head.

 

[fallingtopieces]

Please don't do this. Police may very likely end up getting involved. Almost definitely.

 

[jawdropped123]

Please don't do this. Police may very likely end up getting involved. Almost definitely.

will i get arrested?

 

[divinemistress36]

You dont want to end up in the funny farm. Maybe just draw her a picture and send it to her

 

[Whale_bones]

I just want her to know the pain i would go thru simply because i adore her so much. I would die for her. And thats the message im trying to send. A little bit of blood in a tiny jar is not a bad idea. But i will not feel any pain if i do that. Atleast not for too long. If i do something bigger, it will hurt more and the memory of that scar will stay forever.

Surely if you'd go through pain for her, you'd put in the effort to resist doing something that you know will make her feel awful.

If this was about her at all, wouldn't you be considering her thoughts and feelings, rather than how it makes you feel? Shouldn't giving her good feelings be the important thing, rather than giving you a memory you want?

Caring about someone and wishing good things for them means thinking about their thoughts and feelings, not just your own.

 

[Michi_Violeta]

But she will not have s piece of me if i wrote a note. I have written a note before but it felt like something that will be forgotton. I just want her to know the pain i would go thru simply because i adore her so much. I would die for her. And thats the message im trying to send. But i dont want any police involved again. Ive been involved with police three times already.

A little bit of blood in a tiny jar is not a bad idea. But i will not feel any pain if i do that. Atleast not for too long. If i do something bigger, it will hurt more and the memory of that scar will stay forever. I will forever remember the pain a went thru to give her a piece of me.
I

I will try. But i cant get the thought out of my head.

I get it, some thoughts are a bitch to get rid of, but trust us: you'll be achieving the exact opposite of what you want. Police isn't the problem here, although you probably could get a restraining order for that, the problem is how you bad will make someone feel when it can be completely avoided.

 

[DrJ3llyf1sh]

A little bit of blood in a tiny jar is not a bad idea. But i will not feel any pain if i do that. Atleast not for too long. If i do something bigger, it will hurt more and the memory of that scar will stay forever. I will forever remember the pain a went thru to give her a piece of me.

TW - cutting


Just had to get that out of the way because i don't want to trigger anyone on accident. One time I cut myself with an eyebrow razor. I saw white. Still have the scar, no stitched required and i just held it closed until bleeding stopped. If you want a permanent reminder this is a bit of a less traumatic way then sending skin... and I'm not judging you, but only do it as some sort of last resort so you don't freak them out too bad.

 

[jawdropped123]

You dont want to end up in the funny farm. Maybe just draw her a picture and send it to her

I do not want to go there for a 4th time

TW - cutting


Just had to get that out of the way because i don't want to trigger anyone on accident. One time I cut myself with an eyebrow razor. I saw white. Still have the scar, no stitched required and i just held it closed until bleeding stopped. If you want a permanent reminder this is a bit of a less traumatic way then sending skin... and I'm not judging you, but only do it as some sort of last resort so you don't freak them out too bad.

Ok thank you. I will think about this

Surely if you'd go through pain for her, you'd put in the effort to resist doing something that you know will make her feel awful.

If this was about her at all, wouldn't you be considering her thoughts and feelings, rather than how it makes you feel? Shouldn't giving her good feelings be the important thing, rather than giving you a memory you want?

Caring about someone and wishing good things for them means thinking about their thoughts and feelings, not just your own.

Youre right

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Would it work for you if she didn't know what it was? Such as, put a tiny piece of you inside a nice locket (like jewelry) and glue it shut? It wouldn't need to be expensive. But if you want her to know.... then, she might not go for that. Probably, definitely, not.

 

[CravingPeace]

This is a sure-fire way to get a restraining order placed on you. You will also 100% get sent to a high-security psych ward with very little chance of ever being free again. If you care about her so much, why would you want to terrorize her like this? Your motives are not based in reality. This is quite literally an evil thought process.

 

[jawdropped123]

This is a sure-fire way to get a restraining order placed on you. You will also 100% get sent to a high-security psych ward with very little chance of ever being free again. If you care about her so much, why would you want to terrorize her like this? Your motives are not based in reality. This is quite literally an evil thought process.

Im not evil i swear call me crazy but never evil. I love her i would never do anything to hurt her but i need to feel the pain i just need to.

Would it work for you if she didn't know what it was? Such as, put a tiny piece of you inside a nice locket (like jewelry) and glue it shut? It wouldn't need to be expensive. But if you want her to know.... then, she might not go for that. Probably, definitely, not.

A tiny piece wont hurt enough i want to cut atleast 3 cm of skin. Ive also been watching to many gore videos on watchpeopledie.tv so thats probably another reason

 

[Michi_Violeta]

Im not evil i swear call me crazy but never evil. I love her i would never do anything to hurt her but i need to feel the pain i just need to.

Those can be two separate things. You can cause yourself pain —not ideal, but hey, we've all done it so can't judge— and IN A COMPLETELY UNRELATED AND SEPARATE ACTION get her a nice gift or write/draw something for her that will have the intended effect: showing her your appreciation.

 

[jawdropped123]

Those can be two separate things. You can cause yourself pain —not ideal, but hey, we've all done it so can't judge— and IN A COMPLETELY UNRELATED AND SEPARATE ACTION get her a nice gift or write/draw something for her that will have the intended effect: showing her your appreciation.

But than i cant relate the pain with her anymore the pain has to be one with the person. So we can be one together. Now maybe im just totally going into a psychosis right now again so im just going to try to not act on my urge

 

[deadbidaylight]

But than i cant relate the pain with her anymore the pain has to be one with the person. So we can be one together. Now maybe im just totally going into a psychosis right now again so im just going to try to not act on my urge

I think that is for the best. Are you able to go to crisis in emerg before you do something impulsive?

 

[Michi_Violeta]

But than i cant relate the pain with her anymore the pain has to be one with the person. So we can be one together. Now maybe im just totally going into a psychosis right now again so im just going to try to not act on my urge

I think we can all agree that, for most of the matters that gather us here, it's better not to act on our urges. It's alright man, we all have intrusive thoughts, but in a case like this it's necessary finding a way to channel them in a way that doesn't hurt others.

 

[SecretDissociation]

Don't do it! I think her having you as a patient is already good. I know you sometimes have an FP and all you want to do is just cling and attach, but sometimes someone else's connection to you is conceptualized differently to your own. Also, if you do this, police will get involved because you're quite literally giving a bio-hazard to someone, and the message can come across really bad (think threat). And also, you might end up institutionalized and you don't want to grow resentment in your heart. Why don't you try verbalizing this feeling to your therapist?

Finally, the last thing anyone would want you to do is hurt yourself for them.

 

[Whale_bones]

So we can be one together. Now maybe im just totally going into a psychosis right now again so im just going to try to not act on my urge

I think it shows strength and smarts to not act on the urge, and you've taken in what people have said here, which is awesome. Like @Michi_Violeta said, a lot of us here understand the urge to SH, but that can be channeled in ways that don't harm others. And we're here for you to help ride out or distract from the urge.

 

[jawdropped123]

I think that is for the best. Are you able to go to crisis in emerg before you do something impulsive?

Not really but i would likely call them first

I think we can all agree that, for most of the matters that gather us here, it's better not to act on our urges. It's alright man, we all have intrusive thoughts, but in a case like this it's necessary finding a way to channel them in a way that doesn't hurt others.

Yes thank you

Don't do it! I think her having you as a patient is already good. I know you sometimes have an FP and all you want to do is just cling and attach, but sometimes someone else's connection to you is conceptualized differently to your own. Also, if you do this, police will get involved because you're quite literally giving a bio-hazard to someone, and the message can come across really bad (think threat). And also, you might end up institutionalized and you don't want to grow resentment in your heart. Why don't you try verbalizing this feeling to your therapist?

Finally, the last thing anyone would want you to do is hurt yourself for them.

I will try verbalizing it in our next session. I just hope its not too late by then.

I think it shows strength and smarts to not act on the urge, and you've taken in what people have said here, which is awesome. Like @Michi_Violeta said, a lot of us here understand the urge to SH, but that can be channeled in ways that don't harm others. And we're here for you to help ride out or distract from the urge.

Thank you sm
If i end up doing it would it be ok to post on this platform?

 

[Whale_bones]

Thank you sm
If i end up doing it would it be ok to post on this platform?

You can come here for support with SH (post TWs and put images under a spoiler) but this isn't the place to display things that harm others, at all. Sending her something like that would be harming her, so if you acted on that then no, this wouldn't be the place for showing it. For both your sake and her sake though, I hope you can continue to fight or distract from the urge.

 

[IMAFRAIDDAVE]

I understand the thought completely as someone else with BPD. I think you should really try hard not to give into any compulsive thoughts like that but of course this disorder is terrible and even if you try your best it seems impossible.
Even if you do end up cutting off any flesh, try putting measures in place beforehand so you cannot give it to your old therapist

 

[sanction]

You mentioned she is your "previous" psychiatrist. What caused it to end in the first place?

Do you think it has something to do with the current thoughts and behavior you're experiencing in accordance?

In my opinion, I would 100% advise not to do it. Will freak her out, although she may be a trained professional in this area

But in general, that sounds like something freaky, and most people don't really swing that way

I have a feeling you will scare her away, and just make things worst. I would advise control your emotions and not take this step

As you are moving this relationship from professional to personal, while the personal seems one sided

In reality, she probably has many clients. It's just her job only. Don't get emotionally attached, otherwise you will just fall into a trap. Not worth it

 

[hopeless-believer]

It's a really sick fixed/intrusive thoughts process, and you really need to get help and not act on this. This isn't what love is, and if you are linking pain with it you're putting yourself and your therapist in a very dangerous position.

I know BPD can be difficult, and your past may have you seeking love in the wrong places but these urges and thoughts and desires are not normal or okay. They aren't love. Wanting someone to know and feel your pain is selfish and beyond cruel. You really need to reach out and get help and not hurt the person that is trying to help you.

They are a professional, they are open to hearing your struggles, but you are breaking their trust and hurting them if you act on any of this. It could quite rightly get you sent to an institution or jailed and it will likely traumatise the therapist for life. Noone could ever perceive giving skin and blood to someone else as anything other than sick and evil and cruel. If that's your intention get help, please.

You can have dark compulsions and thoughts and it's okay to need help but to want someone to share your pain and sickness under the guise and gimmick of love, it's so wrong, words can't express.

Please get help, write and journal your thoughts, stay away from the sick suicidal TV sites, get professional help for this, and find coping strategies that won't hurt someone.

Kindest,

 

[jawdropped123]

It's a really sick fixed/intrusive thoughts process, and you really need to get help and not act on this. This isn't what love is, and if you are linking pain with it you're putting yourself and your therapist in a very dangerous position.

I know BPD can be difficult, and your past may have you seeking love in the wrong places but these urges and thoughts and desires are not normal or okay. They aren't love. Wanting someone to know and feel your pain is selfish and beyond cruel. You really need to reach out and get help and not hurt the person that is trying to help you.

They are a professional, they are open to hearing your struggles, but you are breaking their trust and hurting them if you act on any of this. It could quite rightly get you sent to an institution or jailed and it will likely traumatise the therapist for life. Noone could ever perceive giving skin and blood to someone else as anything other than sick and evil and cruel. If that's your intention get help, please.

You can have dark compulsions and thoughts and it's okay to need help but to want someone to share your pain and sickness under the guise and gimmick of love, it's so wrong, words can't express.

Please get help, write and journal your thoughts, stay away from the sick suicidal TV sites, get professional help for this, and find coping strategies that won't hurt someone.

Kindest,

Ok thank you i will speak to my psychiatrist about this

You mentioned she is your "previous" psychiatrist. What caused it to end in the first place?

Do you think it has something to do with the current thoughts and behavior you're experiencing in accordance?

In my opinion, I would 100% advise not to do it. Will freak her out, although she may be a trained professional in this area

But in general, that sounds like something freaky, and most people don't really swing that way

I have a feeling you will scare her away, and just make things worst. I would advise control your emotions and not take this step

As you are moving this relationship from professional to personal, while the personal seems one sided

In reality, she probably has many clients. It's just her job only. Don't get emotionally attached, otherwise you will just fall into a trap. Not worth it

It ended because i got homeless and i had to move back to the Caribbean

 

[JesiBel]

Maybe a rose/flower and a small lock of hair (since it's a part of you) would be prettier.

 

[Linda]

My mental health is obviously declining again, but i have Borderline Personality Disorder and i have a huge attachment with my previous therapist (non sexual). And i just wished she can have a piece of me. I want to cut a junk of skin on my stomach with a blade and then put a little bit of blood in a ziplock bag and give it to her. Because that way she can have a piece of me forever. It just a really obsessive thought ive been having for a couple of days, and im just gonna do it.

Can't you just give her a lock of your hair? It would be easier on you, and probably more acceptable to her.