Venting am i really this dumb?

[YEAR2050]

I dont have any friends (yeah very original, i know), especially since i dropped out of school. when i was in school i would at least be around other humans. i thought i hated it, but now i kind of miss it. i was lonely before, but its gotten so much worse. i never leave my house. the only form of irl social interactions i have is with a friend over snapchat. went to school with her 4 years ago and we've been talking on/off since.

Idk what came over me, but i thought "lets try what my therapist has been suggesting for ages" and i started opening up to her. i talked to her about how i wanted to cbt and what method and she just called me pathetic.

but is she wrong? not really. why is some loser messaging her about his suicidal ideation? for attention? guidance?... she is right, i am a pathetic idiot who deserves nothing more than to exist in this meaningless void we call life.

 

[GasMonkey]

What's your method?

 

[FuneralCry]

That person just sounds so insensitive to me, I personally wouldn't see it as being the best idea opening up about wanting to die as so many people aren't supportive, it's awful how humans are so cruel.

 

[アホペンギン]

I dont have any friends (yeah very original, i know), especially since i dropped out of school. when i was in school i would at least be around other humans. i thought i hated it, but now i kind of miss it. i was lonely before, but its gotten so much worse. i never leave my house. the only form of irl social interactions i have is with a friend over snapchat. went to school with her 4 years ago and we've been talking on/off since.

Idk what came over me, but i thought "lets try what my therapist has been suggesting for ages" and i started opening up to her. i talked to her about how i wanted to cbt and what method and she just called me pathetic.

but is she wrong? not really. why is some loser messaging her about his suicidal ideation? for attention? guidance?... she is right, i am a pathetic idiot who deserves nothing more than to exist in this meaningless void we call life.

First of all, you're not pathetic. The only one who is pathetic is your so called "therapist" instead of helping you, she just completely dismissed how you feel and called pathetic. Therapists are supposed to be understanding, yours isnt, get a new therapist, she's not gonna be reliable if you ever intend to get better. I mean, its fine to open up to your therapists but be careful about it. Your therapists might even be crazy enough to send you to the psych ward or something if they consider you as a mentally unstable person for opening up about how you want to ctb. Now, about you, many people would think you're opening up about how you want to kys for attention. This is true, its the societal norm. People were taught to look down on people who wanted to end their lives. They say that someone who wants to ctb and tells people about it doesn't have the guts to do it and is an attention seeker but once they do it, their views change. This is also a norm. You are not opening up about your problems for attention, i can assure you that. Your therapist is just crazy. Get a new one. Your feelings should not be invalid to anyone, especially your therapist.

 

[heavyeyes]

If I were you I would look for a new therapist. You aren't pathetic for having suicidal ideation. Many people do for one reason or another. You aren't a sore loser for messaging her about this either. That's literally her job and you trusted her enough to be honest. What she said is insensitive, unprofessional, and a violation of trust imo.

 

[anhed0nia]

That's totally maddening. I wonder what your therapist had to say when you reported back. "Open up to your friends" sounds like perfectly reasonable, if generic advice, but it's easy to assume too much about how that will go. A lot of people are intensely dogmatic about suicide, as you're well aware, but no matter what this person's ethics are, calling you "pathetic" is really nasty and sadistic. There's no call for that. It sucks that you had to experience this, but they're in the wrong, and maybe ending the friendship will be a kind of dodged bullet. I hope you can make some new connections soon.

 

[YEAR2050]

What's your method?

leaning towards partial hanging, no pun intended

 

[bedhead_baby]

I understand. I was pulled from school after elementary and never went out and made friends. From 10 to 17 I was inside almost 24/7, and it didn't bother me then, but it absolutely bothers me now. I didn't do anything as a kid or teen (no friends, vacation, rebelling, etc.). There was one person I began talking to at 17/18, and I couldn't stop from bringing up how much I wanted to die and expressing my hopelessness, and that was the end of that relationship (I don't blame them, they needed to move on and do what was best for them).

I don't have any advice. I just want you to know I understand, and you're not pathetic. What's pathetic is the way society expects everyone to be happy-go-lucky and pretend isolation doesn't damage your brain. If you had suicidal tendencies or ideation before, isolation will amplify that by a million. You deserve to be here and be happy just as much as anyone else.

 

[Elle]

Hugs

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I know what it feels like to be alone, too. The only interaction I have with other human beings is when I go to the grocery or other stores. It doesn't really matter that much anymore. Most people suck anyway. I just need to get to where I need to be, anyway, and get out of this place.

 

[theboy]

You are not stupid. It's a false thought.

 

[nuke family]

i wouldnt say she is a bad person but she isnt a good friend. i dont have much advice tbh. but if i opened up to my friends i would be cut off and they would think of me as some emo dumbass. but i still love em cuz they can be good friends at times. deep down they are good people, even if they have a different viewpoint on suicidal people than me.

 

[jar-baby]

She doesn't sound like a friend at all to me. We all have different circumstances. We all have different psyches. We all have different breaking points. That it's you in this situation and not her, is just a matter of chance. So no, OP, you're not pathetic. People who'd respond to a "friend's" active suicidal ideation with an insult are the pathetic ones.