Help Am I really suicidal if I'm being honest about my feelings?

[Breadbfra]

I've recently engaged up a fight with a psychologist who asked me "why do you wanna die and why haven't you reached a psychiatric centre?" (Lmao I don't really have words, and when I told the association about this message they replied with "there's nothing wrong he's just asked you something").
I was being open with friends about my suicidal thoughts and I got a message by a friend saying "guy XY killed himself and he wasn't being honest, he was shy and didn't tell about his intentions, so you're at a lower risk, plus you're a woman so there's many more chances you'll survive after an attempt"
At this point: Are you honest about how you feel? Yes, no? What do you think?
I am honestly so exhausted by the world outside of this forum.

 

[Slate128]

Jesus that's so infuriating. If psychologists think wanting to die is a mental disorder, why wouldn't you try to find one?

I wouldn't worry about honesty, you seem like you're genuine.

All the shit that happens to us for expressing how we feel - I would never voluntarily do it for attention, it's not worth it.

 

[Breadbfra]

Jesus that's so infuriating. If psychologists think wanting to die is a mental disorder, why wouldn't you try to find one?

I wouldn't worry about honesty, you seem like you're genuine.

All the shit that happens to us for expressing how we feel - I would never voluntarily do it for attention, it's not worth it.

Believe me I'm in such pain I'm basically bedbound. I've bought my SN and it's been a screaming for help. But I'm getting tired of these responses.

 

[mapletree]

Yeah, it's why I've joined this forum and have stopped talking about it, even though I'm still on the fence and am thinking about it as more of a long term (months) thing rather than an acute thing, and for very specific reasons. But, I've found if you're a woman and you mention this topic at all whatsoever even in a very boring and non-acute way people do not react uh well, it seems to turn into a weird game of chicken where you get called manipulative or attention seeking and the weird back and forth of not being taken seriously and as soon as I saw the conversation drifting in that direction I shut that down right away, don't have time for that. I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I've recently engaged up a fight with a psychologist who asked me "why do you wanna die and why haven't you reached a psychiatric centre?" (Lmao I don't really have words, and when I told the association about this message they replied with "there's nothing wrong he's just asked you something").
I was being open with friends about my suicidal thoughts and I got a message by a friend saying "guy XY killed himself and he wasn't being honest, he was shy and didn't tell about his intentions, so you're at a lower risk, plus you're a woman so there's many more chances you'll survive after an attempt"
At this point: Are you honest about how you feel? Yes, no? What do you think?
I am honestly so exhausted by the world outside of this forum.

I guess I see what your friend may have meant about being lower risk due to your honesty/reaching out. It seems like a lot of people die by suicide because they feel like a burden, and they feel worthless. I guess the thought process is, once a person reaches a point of no return (like suicide), they'll give up on trying to talk about themselves anymore because, well, why bother?

I think people should be taken seriously no matter what, and reaching out doesn't mean you're not as serious or in as much pain. To me, it just means you're being brave. It's difficult and scary to reach out, yet you're doing so. For what it's worth, I'm proud of you and hope you can continue to seek help. You deserve to have someone listen to you and take you seriously.

 

[Superdeterminist]

I'm confused, what's the question? Are you asking if we're honest about our feelings when talking to others?

 

[Breadbfra]

I'm confused, what's the question? Are you asking if we're honest about our feelings when talking to others?

I'm sorry, english isn't my native language and it's difficult to explain myself properly. The fact is: I get told I'm not "suicidal enough" because I try to get help, and italians apparently think that if you reach for help then you're only "attention seeking". Can you really be compared to the ones who decise to ctb and be quiet about their intentions, in terms of severity?

I guess I see what your friend may have meant about being lower risk due to your honesty/reaching out. It seems like a lot of people die by suicide because they feel like a burden, and they feel worthless. I guess the thought process is, once a person reaches a point of no return (like suicide), they'll give up on trying to talk about themselves anymore because, well, why bother?

I think people should be taken seriously no matter what, and reaching out doesn't mean you're not as serious or in as much pain. To me, it just means you're being brave. It's difficult and scary to reach out, yet you're doing so. For what it's worth, I'm proud of you and hope you can continue to seek help. You deserve to have someone listen to you and take you seriously.

Honestly I don't think he meant what you mean. He said that "he was REALLY suicidal because he actually did it without talking about it when you're speaking about that and suicidal people don't do that"

 

[mapletree]

I'm sorry, english isn't my native language and it's difficult to explain myself properly. The fact is: I get told I'm not "suicidal enough" because I try to get help, and italians apparently think that if you reach for help then you're only "attention seeking". Can you really be compared to the ones who decise to ctb and be quiet about their intentions, in terms of severity?

Statistically the best predictor of whether someone would be at risk for a successful attempt are past previous attempts (or so ive been taught). If the only people who succeeded or who were "serious" were the stoic "ideal", romanticized cases who selflessly never bothered anyone about it or made any fuss before quietly seeing themselves out...it doesn't seem like that would hold up? This is USA so maybe its vastly different in Italy

 

[Superdeterminist]

I'm sorry, english isn't my native language and it's difficult to explain myself properly. The fact is: I get told I'm not "suicidal enough" because I try to get help, and italians apparently think that if you reach for help then you're only "attention seeking". Can you really be compared to the ones who decise to ctb and be quiet about their intentions, in terms of severity?

I see. No, I don't think you can be compared to others like that, and I think that attitude is just disgusting, especially in a professional setting. My experience with a psychiatrist was similarly hopeless. I think that psychiatry as a practice needs a major overhaul, because right now it seems horribly flawed.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I'm sorry, english isn't my native language and it's difficult to explain myself properly. The fact is: I get told I'm not "suicidal enough" because I try to get help, and italians apparently think that if you reach for help then you're only "attention seeking". Can you really be compared to the ones who decise to ctb and be quiet about their intentions, in terms of severity?

Honestly I don't think he meant what you mean. He said that "he was REALLY suicidal because he actually did it without talking about it when you're speaking about that and suicidal people don't do that"

I get what you mean. I just figured it may be worth exploring a more positive interpretation *just in case?* but tbh I agree with you. I can't imagine telling a friend that, personally. It seems so dismissive, and I'm sorry you werd treated like that.

 

[mapletree]

I think that people have a very weird romanticized view of what a "good" or "valid" s******* person looks and acts like and it always seems to suspiciously conform with the other social expectations of said group of people, so I'm inclined to think that the people you talked to, are pardon me, full of shit and projecting their romantic cognitive schemas onto you

 

[Silver]

Generally it's viewed that people who talk about suicide are less likely to do it than those who don't. I suppose it depends on where you are on your journey. Personally I talked a lot more about it to online friends when I was in the do I/ don't I stage, than when I decided to do it. I stopped talking about it then in case they got suspicious and tried to stop me. I only talk about it on this site now.

some people do just decide on suicide and then do it. Others talk about it first, maybe if they want help. Just because you're talking about it, doesn't mean you are not serious. Besides which, you are the best judge of how you are, not other people.

 

[DyingAlf]

I think that everybody is different & deals with thoughts/feelings/intentions in different ways.
I have talked about wanting to die and suicide plans in the past, I think I just wanted to be listened to/heard/understood. I usually wasn't asking for help, & made serious attempts around that time.
A couple of times I was asking for help and I clearly stated that I wanted help but when I wasn't asking for help I often stated that too, but have been told by some mental health professionals (& others) that I was "attention seeking" &/or "not serious".
I sometimes talk about suicidal thoughts & feelings in a general sort of way now but will never again tell anybody when I have plans or am actively suicidal (except possibly on here).

 

[Breadbfra]

Statistically the best predictor of whether someone would be at risk for a successful attempt are past previous attempts (or so ive been taught). If the only people who succeeded or who were "serious" were the stoic "ideal", romanticized cases who selflessly never bothered anyone about it or made any fuss before quietly seeing themselves out...it doesn't seem like that would hold up? This is USA so maybe its vastly different in Italy

I have had two attempts before. Planning for tonight.

Generally it's viewed that people who talk about suicide are less likely to do it than those who don't. I suppose it depends on where you are on your journey. Personally I talked a lot more about it to online friends when I was in the do I/ don't I stage, than when I decided to do it. I stopped talking about it then in case they got suspicious and tried to stop me. I only talk about it on this site now.

some people do just decide on suicide and then do it. Others talk about it first, maybe if they want help. Just because you're talking about it, doesn't mean you are not serious. Besides which, you are the best judge of how you are, not other people.

The point is: I've never expressed "I want to ctb this night" I just said I'm severely Sdal. I think about it often, just that, then I dismiss everything. Back to my first attempt, one person said me "people who talk aboute suicide aren't the one who actually do it", two hours later I was in the ER.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I think the label of suicidal isn't helpful. It's extremely arbitrary, it doesn't have a meaning that everyone can agree on. I think more helpful questions would be: Am I contemplating suicide or not? How serious is my intention to suicide or to live?

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I think the label of suicidal isn't helpful. It's extremely arbitrary, it doesn't have a meaning that everyone can agree on. I think more helpful questions would be: Am I contemplating suicide or not? How serious is my intention to suicide or to live?

Ooh, good questions and insight.

 

[Breadbfra]

I think the label of suicidal isn't helpful. It's extremely arbitrary, it doesn't have a meaning that everyone can agree on. I think more helpful questions would be: Am I contemplating suicide or not? How serious is my intention to suicide or to live?

Yes but also no. I get what you're saying, but I meant: "If I could shot myself right now I'd do it, but I don't do it because of my friends and family and girlfriend. I also reached for help and talked openly about how I feel, is my case less dangerous in terms of ctb-ing compared to someone who doesn't speak about his sdal intentions and actually ctbs?"
(Speaking in another language is hard mate, sorry)

 

[Lone_Gray_Wolf]

I completely get it and more often than not I'm harsh with myself for being completely aware of what's happening, being kind of open and know a lot of what's going on inside of me. The fact that I know what's wrong makes me question why haven't I fixed it yet. But at least I'm the one telling me that. In your situation are others in general; they are commuting a mistake and is believing that just because someone is aware and open doesn't want to end it all. If u asked for help is because u needed it, gosh damnit. Why can't they get it?. Not that difficult. And they just make everything worse at the end.

Anyways, sorry u had to go through all of this and wish u luck on what's next!

 

[Life_and_Death]

yeah, just about everyone knows i have disorders and am suicidal. that doesnt make anyone less suicidal. suicidal is how you feel about something when things get to much, the way people handle it is different for everyone.

 

[Breadbfra]

Anyways thank you for your kind replies. :)

 

[catsarecool]

I've told a few close friends that I'm actively suicidal while also making sure that they know I'm set on it and they can do nothing to "fix" this. They don't know the details like what method or if I have a date etc. And the closer I'm getting to CTB I've stopped opening up just to spare them from any additional pain as I kinda regret opening in the first place thanks to guilt.

It's infuriating how if you die without telling anyone its stuff like "I wish they had told me" "I would have been there for them" but if you do tell people you're seen as an attention seeker. There is such a stigma in being suicidal and a lot of the time what people say when it comes to these situations doesn't align with their actions when it actually happens.

 

[IsThisTheEnd?]

If you seek help you may be desperate and some people it has never even crossed there mind to commit suicide and can't understand but if your desperate enough and thought of suicide then you should be able to get help.