Help Am I in the wrong for not wanting a guy to kiss me?

[obei]

So today I went on a first date with a guy I met on tinder.
in messages I said the first date is just get to know and nothing else. He said okay.
So literally not even half an hour into a date he kissed me, and I went on with it not wanting him to feel bad, but I said jokingly something like haha I said no kissing on a first date and he said haha well I guess were progressive.
He kissed me a few times before, like full on make out with tongue and everything and I went on with it too scared to say anything. Idk like everyone here thinks its not such a big deal, they didnt say that but from their words I feel they think that. But I really feel like shit rn. Like I try to have a normal life but I cant.
Am I in the wrong here?
Is this normal and Im just overreacting?

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Am I in the wrong here?

Nope. The fact that you didn't speak up doesn't matter because you established s clear boundary beforehand.

 

[Seered Doom]

Honestly? Good on you for setting the boundary. You have standards and it only shows that you're willing to keep yourself safe and not rush things. I'd say you're very much in the right.

 

[obei]

Honestly? Good on you for setting the boundary. You have standards and it only shows that you're willing to keep yourself safe and not rush things. I'd say you're very much in the right.

But should I have set that boundary in the first place? Is it wrong to expect that?

 

[loneliness0]

B.o.u.d.a.r.i.e.s

Okey, first of all he broke your boundaries if you told before hand no things like kissing. You are not in wrong.

However it sounds like you might work on that when someone is breaking your boundaries you don't need be polite or not make them feel bad. Express your anger and even yelling or leaving would be appropriate, have to think if hitting would be okey but very possibly. Fuck him not feeling bad lol

 

[prim]

So today I went on a first date with a guy I met on tinder.
in messages I said the first date is just get to know and nothing else. He said okay.
So literally not even half an hour into a date he kissed me, and I went on with it not wanting him to feel bad, but I said jokingly something like haha I said no kissing on a first date and he said haha well I guess were progressive.
He kissed me a few times before, like full on make out with tongue and everything and I went on with it too scared to say anything. Idk like everyone here thinks its not such a big deal, they didnt say that but from their words I feel they think that. But I really feel like shit rn. Like I try to have a normal life but I cant.
Am I in the wrong here?
Is this normal and Im just overreacting?

hes being a creep, try to stay away from him if you can.

 

[loneliness0]

But should I have set that boundary in the first place? Is it wrong to expect that?

You don't need to ask yourself if your boundaries was fair, they always are. You need ask yourself if you was firm enough with your boundaries.

 

[OreosAndDeath]

You were a victim of SA, you made it clear you didn't want it beforehand. Whether that is "normal" or not isn't relevant.

Plus I think not kissing on the first date is completely reasonable? In today's society a lot of people seem to assume meeting from a dating app is this big deal and should lead to other things (not that there's anything wrong with that) but it doesn't entitle people to just do whatever they please to others.

 

[L0nely]

You clearly told him your intentions towards first date, he crossed the boundaries. You're absolutely not in the wrong. I understand how you feel. Many times I set boundaries and guys don't want to listen and for some reason I just go along out of fear of them getting upset and hurting me or to simply don't hurt their feelings. Makes me feel like crap every time. But in the end you have to remember that it's not your fault that you feel this way and you did nothing wrong there.

 

[Seered Doom]

But should I have set that boundary in the first place? Is it wrong to expect that?

This was a first date. Besides, you did admit to saying "no kissing on a first date" word for word, so it was expressed. He should've listened with his ears instead of his dick.

 

[L0nely]

He should've listened with his ears instead of his dick.

THIS

 

[Seered Doom]

Literally, I'm saying this as an AFAB trans person (FtM) who's had SA done onto them as well. You deserve to have your boundaries respected and not just disregarded. Instead of thinking with his penis, he needs to think with his brain.

 

[tiger b]

Very unpleasant, very disgusting.

Kissing on first dates does happen, has always happened, it isn't necessarily good or bad, but surely a very clear green light must be given by both parties.

You've been well within your right to have walked off. Maybe the situation or your personality made that very difficult. The trouble is, by going along with it some men would see that as an acceptance, like you really wanted to deep down. Which is a nonsense. You did set the boundaries, clearly.

Semantics, but I wouldn't have even used the term 'first date'. It can put silly ideas in certain people's minds. Sounds though that's irrelevant in his case, as he clearly has a 'gameplan'.

Don't get me wrong, it's 100% his fault. I hope he apologises and learns (presuming he's a decent person, which may not be the case). It's not up to you to be his teacher. We all make mistakes but that was certainly deplorable on his part.

 

[godsseepiestsoldier]

You set up clear boundries before and after each time and he decided to violate that. Dudes a creep tbh. Honestly id say it was SA. Its not ur fault at all in any way this guy just just took advantage of you. So sorry this happened to you. Also not kissing on the first date is a very reasonable boundry and normal boundry a lot of ppl have.

 

[obei]

Now I feel so uncomforatble even when my dad (hes a great person and loves me dearly) kissed me on forehead and hugged me in a similar way that guy did… why the hell did I accept all this, why

 

[tiger b]

Now I feel so uncomforatble even when my dad (hes a great person and loves me dearly) kissed and hugged me in a similar way that guy did… why the hell did I accept all this, why

Do not give yourself a hard time over this!

What's happened has happened, unfairly to you, and doesn't define you as a person, or some generalisation of your future romantic life.

Things happen and we react to them at the time in different ways. On a different day we could react differently. Hindsight is really fucking easy.

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

kiss on the forehead is innocent. not sure how you let the full on tongue thing. don't be scared. 'no' means no! it's your body. you have every right to go with with your feelings.

 

[MBG]

So today I went on a first date with a guy I met on tinder.
in messages I said the first date is just get to know and nothing else. He said okay.
So literally not even half an hour into a date he kissed me, and I went on with it not wanting him to feel bad, but I said jokingly something like haha I said no kissing on a first date and he said haha well I guess were progressive.
He kissed me a few times before, like full on make out with tongue and everything and I went on with it too scared to say anything. Idk like everyone here thinks its not such a big deal, they didnt say that but from their words I feel they think that. But I really feel like shit rn. Like I try to have a normal life but I cant.
Am I in the wrong here?
Is this normal and Im just overreacting?

If he does not agree to no physical intimacy on first date, do not go out with him. If he agrees but then still tried he obviously does not respect your wishes and end the date immediately and do not date him again.

Life was much simpler when fathers protected their daughters from men who would push too fast. Not only are fathers not present to physically protect their daughters, they do not even vet the men first (as if modern mothers and daughters would tolerate that). Women have been "liberated" from the love and protection of their fathers ("The Patriarchy"). Congratulations. Enjoy…. /sarc

Tinder. What more need be said….

I miss the 1950s….

 

[Engström]

You did nothing wrong. He disrespected your boundaries and the whole "I guess we're progressive" bit - ugh. Hopefully it was the first and last date.

I'm sorry this happened @obei

 

[Sprite_Geist]

No you are not in the wrong. I feel uncomfortable when somebody tries to even hug me - anyone. You, too, are also allowed to feel uncomfortable with physical contact such as kissing which could be considered a step further.

 

[Worndown]

That was a creep.