Help Am I being selfish?

[l0sing]

Am I being selfish for wanting to ctb?

I know many of you have already made comments that I need to be strong and recover for my childrens sake. But I recently confided in someone who also made me feel like I'm being selfish for dealing with my pain in my own way. I recently got told it's not fair to make people live with the loss of me and also leaving the person who's caused this most recent spell, feeling like it's their fault.

Is is selfish of me to want to ctb because of the pain others have caused me? They get to live on happy even though they know they have caused this pain and expect me to live with it.

I'm not perfect and know I've caused hurt to others in some ways and that's also fuel for wanting this, knowing if I had dealt with other things earlier I wouldn't have pushed people away. People are to blame for me feeling like this but I am also to blame for this as well.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't see wanting to ctb as being selfish as all, it's a personal choice and after all it's your life so only you know what is best. Existing really is so tiring and I know that it's hard to carry on living when you suffer. Some people really are so cruel and to me it's terrible the way that many people treat others. I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief from your suffering.

 

[anxiety cat]

Your pain and trauma is yours and yours only. I think it's selfish and cruel for anyone to tell you how you should be handling your feelings. Giving advice is one thing but trying to make you feel bad for having SI is another. They are not in your shoes. They are not caring that pain so who are they to call you selfish for feeling the way you do!

BTW, I don't think you are selfish. It sounds like you are in an extreme amount of pain and just want it to stop. Having people that rely on you(like kids) makes that really complicated. Trust me I know…

I am here if you need to talk

 

[chloramine]

I don't know enough to judge what actions you take (and I'm not super comfortable labelling people as selfish or unselfish based off this stuff). The desire to die definitely is not selfish. That's an emotional reaction to pain and suffering. Nothing more. It's usually hard on kids when their parents ctb and it's traumatic. I don't think that automatically makes a decision selfish, but it's something to keep in mind. Whatever you decide, I think it's best that you have an accurate understanding of what your decision means on a wider scale. I'm sorry you're stuck between breaking points and (from my understanding) trying to do right by your kids. That's a tough situation without an easy answer.

 

[l0sing]

I don't see wanting to ctb as being selfish as all, it's a personal choice and after all it's your life so only you know what is best. Existing really is so tiring and I know that it's hard to carry on living when you suffer. Some people really are so cruel and to me it's terrible the way that many people treat others. I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief from your suffering.

Your kind words never go unnoticed

Your pain and trauma is yours and yours only. I think it's selfish and cruel for anyone to tell you how you should be handling your feelings. Giving advice is one thing but trying to make you feel bad for having SI is another. They are not in your shoes. They are not caring that pain so who are they to call you selfish for feeling the way you do!

BTW, I don't think you are selfish. It sounds like you are in an extreme amount of pain and just want it to stop. Having people that rely on you(like kids) makes that really complicated. Trust me I know…

I am here if you need to talk

It's like when they tell me that all it does it make me feel worse and feel more of a burden. I know it would cause my children pain but I know they would also be cared for but who's there to care for me? No one.

I don't know enough to judge what actions you take (and I'm not super comfortable labelling people as selfish or unselfish based off this stuff). The desire to die definitely is not selfish. That's an emotional reaction to pain and suffering. Nothing more. It's usually hard on kids when their parents ctb and it's traumatic. I don't think that automatically makes a decision selfish, but it's something to keep in mind. Whatever you decide, I think it's best that you have an accurate understanding of what your decision means on a wider scale. I'm sorry you're stuck between breaking points and (from my understanding) trying to do right by your kids. That's a tough situation without an easy answer.

Thank you