Help am i being selfish in wanting to CTB

[lonelyAusM51]

Hi...I an new year been lurking for a few days...

I am 51 and have recently separated from my wife after 23 years of marriage which has totally blindsided me. My wife was my best friend and my entire life and I now feel completely abandoned, I am extremely lonely and depressed and cannot get these bad feelings out of my head - this is not the 1st time I have been suicidal but I have managed to deal with these feelings in the past but I am so overwhelmed this time that I cannot see any other way out... I have already written my suicide note and have researched the method I am going to use its just a matter of purchasing the materials and testing everything - I even have a date in mind being 8/11/23 (our wedding anniversary) but not sure I can even wait until then. I just want the pain to go away, there are alot of unresolved things that still need to be dealt with but I don't have the will or motivation to deal with them - am I being selfish in wanting to CTB before resolving things? thanks for taking the time to read this...

 

[AntHills]

I'm much younger than you, but in a very similar situation. Most people only act in their own self interest, and the fact that you're considering whether or not you're being selfish in the face of the decision to end YOUR OWN life tells me that you probably have a lot more empathy than most people. I really hope your life turns around and you find love in something else. You deserve better.

 

[Amidaa]

I'm sorry to hear that you have to go through this, i never had that kind of relationship in my life. so to have lost what you once had must be miserable feeling.
i don't really think wanting to ctb is a selfish act, after all it is how you feel wanting to resolve the suffering inside you. people just say that it is selfish can't just accept that is the path you wanna take but if you feel like you need to resolve stuff before you go seek peace maybe you should do that first so you can be truely at peace with yourself. and who knows by doing that first you will have a change in mind and find something to ease your pain again.

 

[FuneralCry]

Nobody is obligated to continue existing here, we all have our right to die, to me the cruel and selfish thing would be expecting someone to stay here when they wish to be free, it's a personal decision deciding when to leave.

 

[lonelyAusM51]

I'm much younger than you, but in a very similar situation. Most people only act in their own self interest, and the fact that you're considering whether or not you're being selfish in the face of the decision to end YOUR OWN life tells me that you probably have a lot more empathy than most people. I really hope your life turns around and you find love in something else. You deserve better.

thanks I appreciate your kind words - I just feel so lost and I really cant see any other option other than CTB, I dont know how to rebuild my life at 51 after I have given everything (emotionally) to my marriage. I cant see myself trusting anyone again...

I'm sorry to hear that you have to go through this, i never had that kind of relationship in my life. so to have lost what you once had must be miserable feeling.
i don't really think wanting to ctb is a selfish act, after all it is how you feel wanting to resolve the suffering inside you. people just say that it is selfish can't just accept that is the path you wanna take but if you feel like you need to resolve stuff before you go seek peace maybe you should do that first so you can be truely at peace with yourself. and who knows by doing that first you will have a change in mind and find something to ease your pain again.

I'm sorry to hear that you have to go through this, i never had that kind of relationship in my life. so to have lost what you once had must be miserable feeling.
i don't really think wanting to ctb is a selfish act, after all it is how you feel wanting to resolve the suffering inside you. people just say that it is selfish can't just accept that is the path you wanna take but if you feel like you need to resolve stuff before you go seek peace maybe you should do that first so you can be truely at peace with yourself. and who knows by doing that first you will have a change in mind and find something to ease your pain again.

thanks for your reply - I thought I had a vision of what life would be like and was looking forward to living it but am just so sad and depressed now, that I don't see any other outcome! I am not sure anything could ease the pain i am feeling and CTB just seems like the only option...

 

[mouseteacup]

Perhaps it's selfish to wish to be free of this world, but everyone needs to be a little selfish — this is something I strongly believe. You have a right to choose what to do with your life, and that includes the decision to end it or keep going.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Suicide can never be selfish because it's your own personal decision when you want to leave this world. It's also up to you whether you want or let me better say whether you are able to resolve things. After you left existence in this world those things will also remain here but are free.

Whatever you decide which way you want to go I wish you all the best and I hope you find peace!

 

[Eudaimonic]

I don't think CTB is (usually) selfish. I think Sarah Perry makes many solid arguments against its purported selfishness and immorality.