Am I a piece of sh*t?

[Stepheng7287]

I was planning to CTB in January but the thoughts of hurting my mother and father is putting me off majorly. See, my grandfather on my mother's side is in a nursing home and doesn't really have much time left. My mother suffers from depression and it makes it worse that she can't see him due to Covid. I can't imagine what my death would do to her. Should I let this put me off? Am I a POS for even thinking of killing myself? I just can't take this life anymore. I know for a fact I won't be able to put up with it until my parents are gone. They'd get over it eventually, right?

 

[drwt]

No. If your mom has depression she might even do it herself. If you don't believe me, look up stories of parents that lost their kids. They grief for them for their whole life. Grief hurts a lot, I lost someone and I know.

But it's your life. You don't owe anything to anyone. She pretty much forced you into this world against your will and it's your right to do whatever you want with it.

 

[Gromit-CTB]

Sorry to hear you feel this way OP. Is there anyone you can speak to about the way you feel. This is a safe place you can vent how you feel without judgement

 

[Nymph]

You definitely aren't a pos. People are gonna be hurt by a suicide no matter what but that's how it is. A lot of ppl have relatives and when it comes to ctb you kinda have to forget about them. They obviously aren't gonna support you in the decision and if you think you tried all help and therapies and ways to get better and see no better option then it's fine. You have been brought here against your will so now you at least have a right to die or live

 

[sadworld]

It will definitely hurt your parents but they are the ones who brought you into this world, so it's completely fine if you want to leave.

You love your parents, which is a good thing but I understand that it can make everything harder. I'm sorry.

Sending hugs

 

[WornOutLife]

You never know what might happen.
Those who love you will surely be sad and more depressed than they were before but your mother or one of them CTB? I think it's too extreme but it's still a possibility.

In my opinion, you have to be selfish and leave your feelings aside if you really wanna CTB.
That's what I'll do at least. I know my father will be the unhappiest person on earth if I die but well, I just hate this world and really need to "turn off" my mind and body.