Am i a bad person for wanting peace

[1234dave]

am I bad for wanting to ctb.

I am in psyc med withdrawal as a result I cannot take any meds as my nervous system as crashed.

I've got bipolar 1 and I cycle mania to depression 2 times a day. I can feel my mood changing by the minute sometimes. I'm on an endless cycle of dopamine, either going up or down. It is so fucking bad. I know this has been caused by the med use and probably alcohol. I just need and want this to end. I'm ctb by partial hanging over the weekend. The only good thing about this condition is that I loose inhibitions easily and feel hanging should be easy in this state.

I'm under watch. After I've been checked at night I'm jumping out my window and heading for the woods. I will leave suicide note on bed and tell parents to ring police. I'll have 8 hours to do it.

how does this sound?

 

[wildcatfour]

What kind of "watch" are you under? Who looks after you right now?

 

[1234dave]

parents

 

[Rocky M]

No, you're not a bad person for this

 

[1234dave]

god im so excited about doing it

feels like one last mission

 

[Lifeisatrap]

god im so excited about doing it

feels like one last mission

The most difficult mission of all. I too am constantly being monitored by parents since my failed attempt. Making it more difficult. It sucks so bad . Good luck and hope you do find peace.

 

[Armadillo]

Don't feel bad for yourself, there's nothing ineherently wrong in wanting to end your own suffering.

Good luck, hope you'll find peace one way or another.

 

[1234dave]

The most difficult mission of all. I too am constantly being monitored by parents since my failed attempt. Making it more difficult. It sucks so bad . Good luck and hope you do find peace.

can you not escape by window at night?

 

[Lifeisatrap]

can you not escape by window at night?

No, that won't be possible for me unfortunately lol. I have to wait for parents to leave.

 

[1234dave]

No, that won't be possible for me unfortunately lol. I have to wait for parents to leave.

well good luck anyway

 

[Lifeisatrap]

Thanks, same to you!

 

[Empty Smile]

I know the feeling of being monitored. My brother and his wife has been watching me like a hawk since I've been released. Now I'm just playing it cool and waiting until they let their gaurd down. Once that happens, I will head for the woods and board the bus.

 

[Schopenhauer]

You're not a bad person. You have a right to dispose of your own life as you see fit. We shouldn't be forced to live for anyone else's sake.

 

[Trashcan]

You're not a bad person. It's only natural to want to escape suffering.

 

[longingforrelease]

I have gained so much from this site but foremost is the truth that all human beings have a right to end suffering that they have come to believe is no longer something they can endure.

 

[Paulsmith]

No your not a bad person. Everyone has the right to live and everyone has a right to die if they want to. In the end it's your body no one else's.

 

[worldexploder]

Not at all The bad ones are the ones who keep you from obtaining peace.