Venting Always messing things up and being yelled at

[d3j3ct3dl0s3r05]

My existence honestly just feels like some cruel prolonged joke. I've always been incredibly messy, forgetful, and disorganised and that's generally been a reason for me to be derided and mistreated by others. I'm used to getting yelled at or physically assaulted for my many shortcomings. Do you know how much it fucking sucks to constantly be called "useless" or told that I lack "common sense"? Had to quit my job due to the same sentiments being echoed by coworkers. It's all just made me realise that I'll never escape this. My utter incompetence and chronic retardation is integral to who I am as a person and there's nothing I can do to change it except, of course, CTBing myself. No amount of bogus therapy and toxic positivity will ever make me palatable to society. I'm sick of being treated like a criminal and manipulative when I fuck things up (as per usual) as if I do it on purpose. I'm supposed to be the older sibling but since I'm so unbelievably incompetent, I don't get treated like one and my younger sister does (and imo does a better job) and it's beyond embarassing, I feel like an embarrassment to my family, culture, the universe etc. I don't know what's fucking wrong with me. I don't know why I do the things I do. I don't know why I am the way I am. I deserve to be executed for my awfulness. I will never cease to be a burden in the lives of others until I commit the unthinkable. Dropped my phone like an idiot on the bus whilst writing this God. I cannot wait to exit.

 

[SexyIncél]

Ridiculous they treat you so poorly. Not helpful nor effective

You don't deserve to be executed. No, humanity does — it apparently thinks it must execute itself with nukes, climate change, etc. When we have enough to all live lives of leisure/passion

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through and what you feel. I relate so much to this post in ways I can't describe.

 

[undecided]

That's very sad that your family treat you so disrespectfully. Do you suffer with learning difficulties? Have you been diagnosed with anything, or haven't your parents ever bothered to get a diagnosis for you?

 

[CrazyDiamond04]

I feel the same way often. It's awful how people will treat their fellow man. It seems people completely lack perspective and empathy in many cases.

 

[d3j3ct3dl0s3r05]

That's very sad that your family treat you so disrespectfully. Do you suffer with learning difficulties? Have you been diagnosed with anything, or haven't your parents ever bothered to get a diagnosis for you?

I've suspected autism or ADHD for a while since, despite everything, I used to be a massive nerd and into academic stuff. I say "used" because nowadays I just sleep, cry and smoke + dropped out in my final year so not actually the picture of academic excellence rn

I feel the same way often. It's awful how people will treat their fellow man. It seems people completely lack perspective and empathy in many cases.

Yeah it's a pretty rubbish feeling (also random but cool pfp and is your username a Pink Floyd reference?)

I'm so sorry for what you're going through and what you feel. I relate so much to this post in ways I can't describe.

Glad to know I'm not alone in this but also sad to know another living being has to experience the agony of feeling like you're not enough and like a failed connection in the circuit board that is society</3

 

[undecided]

I've suspected autism or ADHD for a while since, despite everything, I used to be a massive nerd and into academic stuff. I say "used" because nowadays I just sleep, cry and smoke + dropped out in my final year so not actually the picture of academic excellence rn

Yeah it's a pretty rubbish feeling (also random but cool pfp and is your username a Pink Floyd reference?)

Can I ask how old you are? Can you self refer for a diagnosis and subsequent treatment? It's never too late, especially if you're very young. I'm sorry that your parents didn't recognise your differences and seek help for you.

 

[CrazyDiamond04]

Yeah it's a pretty rubbish feeling (also random but cool pfp and is your username a Pink Floyd reference?)

Thanks! Yeah, my username is a Pink Floyd reference lol.

 

[d3j3ct3dl0s3r05]

Can I ask how old you are? Can you self refer for a diagnosis and subsequent treatment? It's never too late, especially if you're very young. I'm sorry that your parents didn't recognise your differences and seek help for you.

Currently 18 and although a diagnosis would have a good chance of helping me, executive dysfunction and social anxiety makes it difficult for me to try again since I had referral papers before but my mother stole it. So for now, I've just taken it all as a sign to