First here is my story.
For all my life I have been dependent on family. For the past 30 years it was my brother. Last year he died of a cardiac arrest in his sleep. I've been able to stay in the room we are renting by selling stuff he had in storage. But now that money has run out and I am likely to be evicted very soon.
Last week or so I drank an entire bottle of sleeping aid. I think it was 354ML size, and each dose of 30ML contained 50MG of diphenhydramine. So that was about 600MG total of diph. and I took two more pills of Unisom SleepGels. So about 700MG total of diph. I then drank an entire bottle of wine.
Tried to go to sleep and after a while I could tell it was having an effect. I would close my eyes and I could feel my heart beating strangely. I had somewhat labored breathing, especially exhaling. My legs would twitch from time to time. But I don't think I got any sleep at all that night. When I did leave my bed I was wobbly.
But all the while I was laying in bed all I could think of was if my heart stopped would it hurt. I was hoping to just fall asleep and die in my sleep, just like my brother.
So now I'm thinking of either hanging myself, but all I have is a yellow nylon rope. Or I could use my dads old gun, but the thing is that the bullets date back to at least the 1970's. It's a 22. Thing is I can't test it around here since others live here and I live close to a school too. So if the school heard the gunshot, well all hell would break loose. And I'm sort of scared to even try shooting myself in the head because I have no idea if the bullets would do the trick.
My brother and I were homeless before, but back then we lived out of the car and he had a job. But now I'm facing being homeless all by myself. And I'm 52 years old. I'm not physically able to walk very far. I have no ID. I honestly don't think I'll last very long at all. Needless to say that I'm very depressed and have been for over 6 months now.
So I have three possible ways.
1. Hanging
2. Gunshot to the temple.
3. Jumping into a cold pond.
Any thoughts?
For all my life I have been dependent on family. For the past 30 years it was my brother. Last year he died of a cardiac arrest in his sleep. I've been able to stay in the room we are renting by selling stuff he had in storage. But now that money has run out and I am likely to be evicted very soon.
Last week or so I drank an entire bottle of sleeping aid. I think it was 354ML size, and each dose of 30ML contained 50MG of diphenhydramine. So that was about 600MG total of diph. and I took two more pills of Unisom SleepGels. So about 700MG total of diph. I then drank an entire bottle of wine.
Tried to go to sleep and after a while I could tell it was having an effect. I would close my eyes and I could feel my heart beating strangely. I had somewhat labored breathing, especially exhaling. My legs would twitch from time to time. But I don't think I got any sleep at all that night. When I did leave my bed I was wobbly.
But all the while I was laying in bed all I could think of was if my heart stopped would it hurt. I was hoping to just fall asleep and die in my sleep, just like my brother.
So now I'm thinking of either hanging myself, but all I have is a yellow nylon rope. Or I could use my dads old gun, but the thing is that the bullets date back to at least the 1970's. It's a 22. Thing is I can't test it around here since others live here and I live close to a school too. So if the school heard the gunshot, well all hell would break loose. And I'm sort of scared to even try shooting myself in the head because I have no idea if the bullets would do the trick.
My brother and I were homeless before, but back then we lived out of the car and he had a job. But now I'm facing being homeless all by myself. And I'm 52 years old. I'm not physically able to walk very far. I have no ID. I honestly don't think I'll last very long at all. Needless to say that I'm very depressed and have been for over 6 months now.
So I have three possible ways.
1. Hanging
2. Gunshot to the temple.
3. Jumping into a cold pond.
Any thoughts?
