Venting Alone

[hopelessbeing]

I mean I have family around and a few friends but I feel this distance between them. It's like I'm not really here I feel a disconnect from most things in my life. It's like I'm not really here I'm just observing life in a way, not participating. Since I keep the depth of my mental health struggles to myself I feel even more alone. I know this is my doing but I don't feel I can share my troubles with family and friends for fear of being a burden on them. This leaves me with a massive feeling of loneliness I'm finding hard to deal with. Then again a part of me thinks this is all I deserve. To be alone forever.

I think I should die to make everything right. To stop being the burden that I am. I know it will upset people at first but as the time goes on it will get easier for them I am sure. I'm sure they will see it coming anyway. I just can't see me continuing.

I've struggled with depression and anxiety for the best part of 10 years. I find it debilitating. I can't function properly. I don't really leave the house, I have no social life, no job, no purpose, no future. I just feel like I'm just barely existing this isn't the life I want. I've tried to improve my situation by engaging with my mental health team, but in reality they don't have any answers. Every time I have an appointment I just leave with a heavy sense of hopelessness. I know it only ends when I am no longer here.

I think I've settled on a method. I think I will try hanging, partial at first and if I have no success I will have to try full suspension and find the courage to kick the chair. I've also thought of jumping I know a multi storey car park near me which I think is high enough to do the job.

So yeah sorry for the long rant I just can't keep all this in my head on my own.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand that it's hard to carry on existing when you suffer so much. Living really is so painful and none of us should ever have to endure such misery. I envy those with the courage for hanging, I have never attempted before as I would fear something going wrong. Suicide really should be easier. I hope that you find freedom from your situation and I wish you the best.

 

[hopelessbeing]

I understand that it's hard to carry on existing when you suffer so much. Living really is so painful and none of us should ever have to endure such misery. I envy those with the courage for hanging, I have never attempted before as I would fear something going wrong. Suicide really should be easier. I hope that you find freedom from your situation and I wish you the best.

I've tried partial many times before but I can never get it right even after a minute or so I still don't pass out I just feel an uncomfortable pressure in my head.

 

[Lauriso]

I get you. I also feel very alone in my struggle. Alone in a dark room fumbling for a switch to make things alright. I really, really don't want to kill myself. But I feel existence is pushing me closer and closer to the edge. I've shared how I feel with family, friends and therapist, but just like you found no answers. :(

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I mean I have family around and a few friends but I feel this distance between them. It's like I'm not really here I feel a disconnect from most things in my life. It's like I'm not really here I'm just observing life in a way, not participating. Since I keep the depth of my mental health struggles to myself I feel even more alone. I know this is my doing but I don't feel I can share my troubles with family and friends for fear of being a burden on them. This leaves me with a massive feeling of loneliness I'm finding hard to deal with. Then again a part of me thinks this is all I deserve. To be alone forever.

I think I should die to make everything right. To stop being the burden that I am. I know it will upset people at first but as the time goes on it will get easier for them I am sure. I'm sure they will see it coming anyway. I just can't see me continuing.

I've struggled with depression and anxiety for the best part of 10 years. I find it debilitating. I can't function properly. I don't really leave the house, I have no social life, no job, no purpose, no future. I just feel like I'm just barely existing this isn't the life I want. I've tried to improve my situation by engaging with my mental health team, but in reality they don't have any answers. Every time I have an appointment I just leave with a heavy sense of hopelessness. I know it only ends when I am no longer here.

I think I've settled on a method. I think I will try hanging, partial at first and if I have no success I will have to try full suspension and find the courage to kick the chair. I've also thought of jumping I know a multi storey car park near me which I think is high enough to do the job.

So yeah sorry for the long rant I just can't keep all this in my head on my own.

I know exactly how you feel. You've been in this hole much longer than I have but I share your sense of helplessness. I used to enjoy being the life of the party… Nothing worse than being a bummer. I would rather not exist. What's the point?

 

[hamvil]

I mean I have family around and a few friends but I feel this distance between them. It's like I'm not really here I feel a disconnect from most things in my life. It's like I'm not really here I'm just observing life in a way, not participating. Since I keep the depth of my mental health struggles to myself I feel even more alone. I know this is my doing but I don't feel I can share my troubles with family and friends for fear of being a burden on them. This leaves me with a massive feeling of loneliness I'm finding hard to deal with. Then again a part of me thinks this is all I deserve. To be alone forever.

I think I should die to make everything right. To stop being the burden that I am. I know it will upset people at first but as the time goes on it will get easier for them I am sure. I'm sure they will see it coming anyway. I just can't see me continuing.

I've struggled with depression and anxiety for the best part of 10 years. I find it debilitating. I can't function properly. I don't really leave the house, I have no social life, no job, no purpose, no future. I just feel like I'm just barely existing this isn't the life I want. I've tried to improve my situation by engaging with my mental health team, but in reality they don't have any answers. Every time I have an appointment I just leave with a heavy sense of hopelessness. I know it only ends when I am no longer here.

I think I've settled on a method. I think I will try hanging, partial at first and if I have no success I will have to try full suspension and find the courage to kick the chair. I've also thought of jumping I know a multi storey car park near me which I think is high enough to do the job.

So yeah sorry for the long rant I just can't keep all this in my head on my own.

I totally get you and I am really sorry for your situation. I never manage to keep connection with other people. I hope you manage to feel less alone one way or another. A lot of love.

 

[gimzero]

Imagine have nobody without job and with chronic illness and with some unfinished matters.

 

[chloramine]

I very much get that. It's a special flavour of isolation when you technically have people, but nobody knows anything. I don't think anyone deserves to be alone. It's awful and, with how our brains are wired, downright cruel. I very much believe you don't deserve any of this. Feel free to vent or whatever here- that's what it's for. Hopefully it can help you feel a little less alone even if it can't solve other problems.