Just to preface I'm high on ket rn so if this post makes no sense that's why
I've ordered SN and have a plan and tonight I was gonna talk to my friend about it bc I wanted to try reaching out for help a few more times before I commit to CTB but her partner is also having a suicidal crisis rn (something must be going around) and I can't exactly expect her to deal with 2 suicidal people at once
I haven't seen my other friend since I moved house and I ended up going off on her earlier even though I know she's also just in a dark place right now and now she's not returning my calls
Oh and the first friend and her partner actually met through me and I thought said partner might be someone I could actually be with but no he was just using me to get to her of course because I'm just a fucking mess and no-one would ever actually like me for me
I just want to knock back my SN but I know it wouldn't work properly bc I've eaten recently and I don't have my anti-ementics yet
Every night lately is just a reminder of how alone I really am what's the point in trying to ask for help I've wasted all my opportunities people are bored of me being suicidal it's become the normal might as well just fucking do it already
Idk this post is a mess I just feel so alone rn the only thing stopping me from CBT'ing tonight is I have commitments next week and I don't want to let them down and my father is in the house so I would probably be caught before I succeeded anyway
I don't want to hurt my family but I can't carry on like this after my commitments are over I'm doing it but I'll hang around here till November I guess
I'm not really looking for advice or anything just grateful I at least have this forum to post my incomprehensible drug fuelled rants to lol.
I've ordered SN and have a plan and tonight I was gonna talk to my friend about it bc I wanted to try reaching out for help a few more times before I commit to CTB but her partner is also having a suicidal crisis rn (something must be going around) and I can't exactly expect her to deal with 2 suicidal people at once
I haven't seen my other friend since I moved house and I ended up going off on her earlier even though I know she's also just in a dark place right now and now she's not returning my calls
Oh and the first friend and her partner actually met through me and I thought said partner might be someone I could actually be with but no he was just using me to get to her of course because I'm just a fucking mess and no-one would ever actually like me for me
I just want to knock back my SN but I know it wouldn't work properly bc I've eaten recently and I don't have my anti-ementics yet
Every night lately is just a reminder of how alone I really am what's the point in trying to ask for help I've wasted all my opportunities people are bored of me being suicidal it's become the normal might as well just fucking do it already
Idk this post is a mess I just feel so alone rn the only thing stopping me from CBT'ing tonight is I have commitments next week and I don't want to let them down and my father is in the house so I would probably be caught before I succeeded anyway
I don't want to hurt my family but I can't carry on like this after my commitments are over I'm doing it but I'll hang around here till November I guess
I'm not really looking for advice or anything just grateful I at least have this forum to post my incomprehensible drug fuelled rants to lol.
