Spaceman Spiff
I just want out
- May 27, 2024
- 9
Ever since I tried to CTB in March, I have been staying with one of my sons. It was a condition of my release from the hospital. I have been putting on the cheerful mask and saying all the right things and behaving the right way. Tomorrow I will be moving into my own apartment. I am pretty sure that the minute I'm alone i will start obsessing about CTBing. I'm already obsessing. I really would rather just get it over with. I made the decision more than a year ago. I offered my wife an opportunity to double down on my life insurance, you only have to hold the policy 5 years to beat the suicide clause. 5 years I would continue to live as if everything is cool the one day i would "have a tragic accident" and even if they determined the suicide the wife and kids would be fucking rich. So here I am pretending to buy the Okie Doke, I will probably be dead by Tuesday