Funny story. Being viewed as rational and intelligent seems to be something that's very subjective to the receiving audience. My son's father tried to get me committed on Saturday morning I was detained after they did a welfare check while I was sleeping, based on reports that I had a propane tank that I was intending to use nefariously. I told them I did not have a propane tank at all let alone an intention to use one. Which was 100% true, as it was Nitrogen. They asked to check my apartment and I declined to give them access. So they consulted a crisis center for an over the phone evaluation and they recommended I be detained specifically because I would not let them have access to my apartment to invalidate the claim. (First off since when is it illegal to have a propane tank anyhow?) I was taken to hospital one to be medically cleared, then transferred to a psychiatric hospital. My 72 hour hold was suppose to start ticking tomorrow. (As weekends and holidays do not count) However, I was released Sunday night after my first conversation with the psychiatrist.
She started the conversation in the most Freudian lean ever. "Let's start at the beginning, how was your life growing up? Was your father around? How did that make you feel?" Etc. it was the most rudimentary kind of analysis ever, and I calmly interrupted her and said plainly, let's not waste each others time. These are my current stressors, these are my current coping skills and mechanisms that I utilize. I have great metacognition and I process trauma cleanly. I am not depressed or anxious in the traditional ways you would like to label me as. What I have would be more of an existential exhaustion and a lack of meaning making grounded in lucid observation than any kind of maladaptive chemical or emotional coping problem. My "anxiety" stems from a red lining nervous system as a matter of wiring and not fear of fear or thoughts that are pesky, I have been wired this way my entire life and it has zero to do with my thought process, it is more nervous system dysfunction/autonomic storms and I manage it well via cognitive override and certain things that support my nervous system when it is overstimulated. I have often thought about suicide at various points across the last 8 months, not because I am incapable of enduring my life, as I am very capable of it, rather I have thought about it because the balance sheet is coming up insufficient for reasoning to endure for endurances sake via logical analysis while accounting for all perspectives. This isn't a thought brought about via crisis in a temporary or situationally dependent way. Respectfully, I am not in crisis as you would define it, and there is nothing you can offer me that changes the balance sheet that I haven't already carefully analyzed and considered. I have not acted on it as of yet, but regardless of whatever treatments you would deem potentially useful, with all due respect, you cannot erase my worldview to suit yours when it is grounded in reality and common sense, not with cbt, not with medications, and certainly not by institutionalizing me to force feed me information I already utilize heavily in my everyday life. Keeping me here only serves to knock down any protective factors and life stability that I continuously uphold. Which of course further factors into my careful accounting on benefit/risk of enduring to endure. If you have nothing to offer me besides risking my job, finances, and housing, by keeping me from upholding those aspects and you do not have anything to add to my robust skillset, or a non addicting medication that will magically change the fact that I am in pain daily from an unrelenting disease that is incurable, or a way to mitigate the fact that I need to work 2 FT jobs to support my own existence while in that pain, then I would imagine that therapy, regardless of scope isn't going to be of any benefit, and declaring me crazy for having very rational thoughts just because they are not socially acceptable seems to be counterintuitive to helpful and is actually harmful in the context of removing me from the very real work of managing my life. I was not actively in an attempt to end my life, I was sleeping for work, and this is all based upon a call you recieved, as such I am not in an imminent crisis situation requiring your "protection". I do not believe you have grounds to hold me.
She went and deferred for about an hour or two and came back telling me I was being discharged.
I cannot say that I thought it would go that way, as I did the exact opposite of what would be the usual approach to the situation, but it did feel a bit validating. Meanwhile, my tank, regulator/flowmeter and hose magically disappeared from my apartment while I was at the hospital and I now have a pissed off ex who is completely miffed about me being released.
Side note, after approximately 7 hours with the same officer going through that process, he told the hospital staff that I am the most cooperative involuntary commitment he has had in all his 10 years and put in his report that I did not appear suicidal in any way.
I am home, it wasn't a horrific experience. Almost a mini vacation in a way, outside of the fact that it was a very expensive vacation I did not choose and could not afford.
She started the conversation in the most Freudian lean ever. "Let's start at the beginning, how was your life growing up? Was your father around? How did that make you feel?" Etc. it was the most rudimentary kind of analysis ever, and I calmly interrupted her and said plainly, let's not waste each others time. These are my current stressors, these are my current coping skills and mechanisms that I utilize. I have great metacognition and I process trauma cleanly. I am not depressed or anxious in the traditional ways you would like to label me as. What I have would be more of an existential exhaustion and a lack of meaning making grounded in lucid observation than any kind of maladaptive chemical or emotional coping problem. My "anxiety" stems from a red lining nervous system as a matter of wiring and not fear of fear or thoughts that are pesky, I have been wired this way my entire life and it has zero to do with my thought process, it is more nervous system dysfunction/autonomic storms and I manage it well via cognitive override and certain things that support my nervous system when it is overstimulated. I have often thought about suicide at various points across the last 8 months, not because I am incapable of enduring my life, as I am very capable of it, rather I have thought about it because the balance sheet is coming up insufficient for reasoning to endure for endurances sake via logical analysis while accounting for all perspectives. This isn't a thought brought about via crisis in a temporary or situationally dependent way. Respectfully, I am not in crisis as you would define it, and there is nothing you can offer me that changes the balance sheet that I haven't already carefully analyzed and considered. I have not acted on it as of yet, but regardless of whatever treatments you would deem potentially useful, with all due respect, you cannot erase my worldview to suit yours when it is grounded in reality and common sense, not with cbt, not with medications, and certainly not by institutionalizing me to force feed me information I already utilize heavily in my everyday life. Keeping me here only serves to knock down any protective factors and life stability that I continuously uphold. Which of course further factors into my careful accounting on benefit/risk of enduring to endure. If you have nothing to offer me besides risking my job, finances, and housing, by keeping me from upholding those aspects and you do not have anything to add to my robust skillset, or a non addicting medication that will magically change the fact that I am in pain daily from an unrelenting disease that is incurable, or a way to mitigate the fact that I need to work 2 FT jobs to support my own existence while in that pain, then I would imagine that therapy, regardless of scope isn't going to be of any benefit, and declaring me crazy for having very rational thoughts just because they are not socially acceptable seems to be counterintuitive to helpful and is actually harmful in the context of removing me from the very real work of managing my life. I was not actively in an attempt to end my life, I was sleeping for work, and this is all based upon a call you recieved, as such I am not in an imminent crisis situation requiring your "protection". I do not believe you have grounds to hold me.
She went and deferred for about an hour or two and came back telling me I was being discharged.
I cannot say that I thought it would go that way, as I did the exact opposite of what would be the usual approach to the situation, but it did feel a bit validating. Meanwhile, my tank, regulator/flowmeter and hose magically disappeared from my apartment while I was at the hospital and I now have a pissed off ex who is completely miffed about me being released.
Side note, after approximately 7 hours with the same officer going through that process, he told the hospital staff that I am the most cooperative involuntary commitment he has had in all his 10 years and put in his report that I did not appear suicidal in any way.
I am home, it wasn't a horrific experience. Almost a mini vacation in a way, outside of the fact that it was a very expensive vacation I did not choose and could not afford.
