All my previous posts on here were bullshit. This is real.

[onlyforever1]

Not to put too fine a point on it. So I've been here before, mental anguish blah blah bpd blah blah trans blah blah. It's all bullshit. I had a great life, albeit with a chronic medical condition.

Well because the universe fucking hates me in July I attempted a procedure to help alleviate that chronic condition. I've been in agonizing pain ever since. The procedure gave me an infection, I've basically had a UTI for six months straight.

This is real. This is above a 5/10 pain almost every day. And yet no one is willing to let me go. I just want the dignity that any other terminal patient would get, I want to die surrounded by the people I love. But no, because of this I have to skulk around and be constantly told how many people love me and how I'll surely get better this time, surely this doctor, this antibiotic is the one I just need to give it more time.

How much time, I am ask? No one will answer. That's not for them to decide, they say.

This is real. All that bullshit from before, that's all just bullshit. I had a good life and I destroyed it. All I want is to be treated with the dignity any other terminal patient would get and instead I'm going to have to blow my head off all alone.

 

[Lamentice]

I don't understand this kind of extreme mental blockade with death that other people project on everyone else despite horrific suffering & low quality of life.

 

[onlyforever1]

I don't understand this kind of extreme mental blockade with death that other people project on everyone else despite horrific suffering & low quality of life.

One of these friends was the person who gave me the link to this forum! And yet she's not willing to let me go. I don't want to die, I'll be totally 100% honest. I'm fucking terrified of dying and I don't want to leave my friends and my mom. But I'm not getting better. And I just need to know there's a way out.

I'm sad about all the things I'll never get to do or experience. I really really do not want to die. But I can't live like this.

 

[Lamentice]

I'm sad about all the things I'll never get to do or experience. I really really do not want to die. But I can't live like this.

I'm sorry, I hope you can get an outcome soon that gives you some peace. </3

 

[madwoman]

I relate a bit. Dealing with a chronic issue that I've tried multiple things and it's only getting worse and it's the driving reason for me wanting to end my life. I can't live like this either. I used to feel better about life and thinking everything was going to be okay and that I'm going to do all these things I wanted to but yeah that's all gone. I too wish I could die peacefully getting closure with friends and family and not being alone at the end and not being scared. I'm sorry for what you are going through too

 

[carfemtanyl]

Why don't the doctors give you pain meds and multiple antibiotics at once?
Sure, your colon will be fucked for some time but that's a lot better than your current state.