LenkaX
Maybe there is a hope!
- Aug 14, 2020
- 366
I'm 37M and I have been suicidal since my 21. But I can't kill myself. I was very close to CTB few times but every time my survival instinct was stronger than me.
I have a terrible """life""" of mental illness and crippling social isolation. After my mom will die, I will be probably homeless.
All the few people I know are pro-lifers, I've never talked directly with anybody who is suicidal like me.
Although I was raised in atheistic family, I strongly believe that there will be some punishment if I do CTB. So there is this survival instinct + the thought that something even worse would come. I believe that everything has its purpose. If you look on the human body, it's a wonder how intelligent it is. Not only cognition, but all the aspects of our biology. I believe that my suffering may have some consequences from past lives. I don't want to believe this, I want to be an atheist and just kill myself with the thought that every dead is the same and there is nothing after it. But we can't change our deeply rooted thoughts.
So as I see it, I will continue to suffer this existence, hoping that I will not wake up, day after day. I will continue to suffer all the passive rejections of other people. Especially women are very good at it. They will reject every guy that they perceive as weird or lame or ugly. This unpleasant and deteriorating state of social isolation may last for another 30 years, I really don't want to suffer all this!
I'm hopeless and helpless. I just want to die, that's all. If there was an option of euthanasia, I would go to it immediately. Yes, euthanasia would be the only option for me.
I have a terrible """life""" of mental illness and crippling social isolation. After my mom will die, I will be probably homeless.
All the few people I know are pro-lifers, I've never talked directly with anybody who is suicidal like me.
Although I was raised in atheistic family, I strongly believe that there will be some punishment if I do CTB. So there is this survival instinct + the thought that something even worse would come. I believe that everything has its purpose. If you look on the human body, it's a wonder how intelligent it is. Not only cognition, but all the aspects of our biology. I believe that my suffering may have some consequences from past lives. I don't want to believe this, I want to be an atheist and just kill myself with the thought that every dead is the same and there is nothing after it. But we can't change our deeply rooted thoughts.
So as I see it, I will continue to suffer this existence, hoping that I will not wake up, day after day. I will continue to suffer all the passive rejections of other people. Especially women are very good at it. They will reject every guy that they perceive as weird or lame or ugly. This unpleasant and deteriorating state of social isolation may last for another 30 years, I really don't want to suffer all this!
I'm hopeless and helpless. I just want to die, that's all. If there was an option of euthanasia, I would go to it immediately. Yes, euthanasia would be the only option for me.
