3ndmym1sery
Member
- Aug 26, 2023
- 34
the idea of just bleeding to death is so appealing to me. it must be the most peaceful feeling ever, to know its all going to be over soon, and that this is your end. your life's end. they wont let me kill myself, theyve hidden all the knives from me, and even though i know theyre in the fucking cabinet i still cant kill myself with them because these fuckers wont let me. theyll do anything and everything to keep me alive. they have no empathy for me at all, they just want me to be in this room in their house and not in a grave, because im their daughter. my dad is terrible to me, unless im sitting in my room quietly and not bothering anyone. the second i open my mouth he starts yelling at me to get me to shut up and go back to my room and leave him alone and write or something. "shut the fuck up and go do whatever it is you do!!" he yelled at me this one time because i asked him to give me my sim back because it was new years and i was thinking maybe i could start posting videos to youtube this year talking about my life, just venting. he took my sim away, and my phone away, and gave me my moms old phone that doesnt support a sim because he doesnt want me talking to people after he found out i have online friends. he thinks the reason i tried to kill myself is because "people on the internet told me", he thinks im that fucking stupid. my mom isnt any better. she treats me like a literal toddler, all she cares about is feeding me, and wants me to "laugh and be normal" and keeps saying i should get back on the meds, the same meds that made me lose my memory, my ability to read and write, the same meds that made me lose control over my own body, the same meds that made me lactate. shes extremely stupid and will listen to anything anyone tells her, especially doctors. shes completely incapable of questioning things people tell her. some doctor whos never even met me told her im schizophrenic, she believed him. some other doctor told her i have bpd, she believed him. whatever pills they kept prescribing me she kept giving me. they told her the mental hospital takes good care of me she believed them. some relative she has told her to take me to this psychiatrist her husband is friends with and she did. she has the mind of a 2 year old. she cant communicate like an adult, all she can do is just sit there fucking laughing in my face making fun of me while simultaneously judging me for not laughing with her. shes a total idiot. and im stuck with these two fucked up stupid people with no escape. for as long as i can remember all ive wanted to do was escape. i made a picture about that a year ago too, ill attach the picture to this post. i just want to leave
