Venting All alone

[Flume]

To say I'm alone is not even beginning to cover it. Even if someone said that I'm important to them I would just call them a fucking liar, my trust in EVERYONE is just gone. And I can't relate to anyone either... not my family, not my friends, not even all of you on this site. As the years go on this just gets worse and worse, I can only imagine how fucking bad it would be some years from now. Unless I meet the love of my life or win the literal lottery real soon then it's just over, I just can't deal with this any longer. My first suicidal thought was 10 years ago... back then I actually had hope that things would change. Well I was wrong, I should've just done it back then to spare me all this pain.

Whenever my relatives find out, they may be in shock. But none of them will ever think about how fucking hard this is. Would anyone of them ever do it? No, none of them wouldn't even come close. The thing that sucks the most is that I'll be the guy that takes the fall. I'll will be called sick in the head and whoever finds out will put the blame on me and not themselves. Worse of all no one will ever fucking understand why I did what I did, no one will ever get it. All this pain inside for all these years will be for nothing.

I really wish that I were never born at all.

 

[Eternal Pessimist]

I've been seriously thinking about suicide for about 8 years now and I also wish I had done it back when I first started thinking about it. I would have spared myself a lot of pain if I had done it earlier. I am also frustrated that in the end all of this pain will have been for nothing really. Nothing good has come out of all this suffering.

I don't think that there is anything I could write or say that would fully communicate to my relatives why I want to do this. But in a way that's the case with every emotion and experience. We can try to empathize with others but we can never experience what they have experienced and can never truly see the world through their eyes. We are trapped inside our minds and when it comes to relating to others at most we can just reflect on our own experiences and hope that it's close enough.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

Once you've lost trust in people you can never really go back. I've learned this the hard way.
Everyone I've once considered a friend has hurt me in a disgustingly evil way.
Why was I not good enough? Why did I have to lose myself so young? Why did no one notice when I was screaming for help?
This feeling is something I've been struggling with for almost 8 years now. It sucks when everyone else around you is having fun while you can only be a silent spectator behind the invisible glass. My loneliness became unbearable since I moved away from my family. I don't want to suffer like this anymore and it's only going to become worse with age.
Why did everyone leave...
Why did everyone leave...

 

[jgm63]

Very sorry to hear of the pain everyone on this thread is expressing.
Be patient. Things are going to get better.
If not in this lifetime then it will be in your afterlife or next life.
So there are good things coming to you.....

 

[RealLostSoul]

Once you've lost trust in people you can never really go back. I've learned this the hard way.
Everyone I've once considered a friend has hurt me in a disgustingly evil way.
Why was I not good enough? Why did I have to lose myself so young? Why did no one notice when I was screaming for help?
This feeling is something I've been struggling with for almost 8 years now. It sucks when everyone else around you is having fun while you can only be a silent spectator behind the invisible glass. My loneliness became unbearable since I moved away from my family. I don't want to suffer like this anymore and it's only going to become worse with age.
Why did everyone leave...
Why did everyone leave...

THIS! Except that I have been screaming for help but no one could. I am all alone in this warzone.

 

[SlackJim]

I really hear what you say about no one getting it, I wonder what people will think, and I know no one will every truly comprehend my whole self. I wish I could let the people closest to me live one day in my mind just to know what its like.