RussianRoulette
Member
- Oct 17, 2023
- 10
Today I just made 26 years, I didn't celebrate my birthday , rather I mourned it because I realized my current state of living, despite having a master and already on second and working as a teacher with a full career ahead I don't have any hope in life. Due to my past trauma and depression , I have found a solace into watching adult content, due to constant dopamine hits to numb the pain, and recently ,and I say recently because I started at 23 , I got into alcohol , since I desired to try a drug which would replace adult content, having invested a good amount of time into this stuff. I was pretty shut in as a kid and going to the gym for 6 years doesn't help either, I'm in relatively good shape with a decent diet, but my alcohol took a deep toll into my health , and I tried nofap regarding my porn addiction but every time I dived into deeper and weirder content, recently having met some really fucked up individuals which willingly dragged me down even further into the depth of my mental illness, deepening myself into anxiety . My therapist didn't help me at all, I really feel the need to tell this to someone who basically shares my problems. I had suicidal thoughts for 4 years now but in the last one it really intesified with my alcoholism , I never had a partner nor much friends to do things with so I always find myself just binging on booze. I feel like a monster and I think the only way out is to end it all .
Any thoughts on this ? Or similar experiences ?
Any thoughts on this ? Or similar experiences ?