Alcohol/Substance Abuse Megathread

[Hecubaa]

Hi all! I couldn't find a megathread for those of us for whom alcohol or other substance addiction has been a big contributing factor to how we ended up wanting to CTB so I thought I'd start one. While it does not need to follow any structure similar to AA, I thought I'd introduce myself in order to encourage others to do so.

I'm Hecuba and, according to most people who know me IRL, I'm an alcoholic. I don't view myself as one but I do recognize that alcohol has ruined many things in my life. I still drink most days. I also have almost no impulse control so I'm prone to overusing other substances when I have access to them. I'm currently at a point where I go back and forth between wanting to CTB and wanting to recover.

 

[swankysoup]

My goodness i can relate. I drink daily too, even though i try to keep the amounts small. I have no idea how much alcohol is affecting me mentally other than some obvious symptoms. Also idk if it's even possible to recover after your brain has adjusted to drinking. I do think about recovering too, i miss the clarity of mind of being sober.

 

[Hecubaa]

My goodness i can relate. I drink daily too, even though i try to keep the amounts small. I have no idea how much alcohol is affecting me mentally other than some obvious symptoms. Also idk if it's even possible to recover after your brain has adjusted to drinking. I do think about recovering too, i miss the clarity of mind of being sober.

I feel you. I probably have between 3-12 drinks a day, depending on the day. Been like this for at least 3-4 years now. I hate being drunk but, for some reason, having a drink gives me a weird sense of comfort and calms me down.

 

[swankysoup]

I feel you. I probably have between 3-12 drinks a day, depending on the day. Been like this for at least 3-4 years now. I hate being drunk but, for some reason, having a drink gives me a weird sense of comfort and calms me down.

Yeah, and it's very hard to quit when you are alone and have nothing else to do really.

 

[ConfusedClouds]

I'm probably similar in that on paper I would set off all the alarm bells, but on my side it feels like active decisions and controllable and minor.

For me, its the warming comforting feeling of the after taste has been my big draw lately.

For a few reasons I've been sober for coming up to 2 weeks. Need to keep myself squeaky clean for the short term. Will be glad for things to settle down and be safe to allow myself a drink again.

 

[Hecubaa]

I'm probably similar in that on paper I would set off all the alarm bells, but on my side it feels like active decisions and controllable and minor.

For me, its the warming comforting feeling of the after taste has been my big draw lately.

For a few reasons I've been sober for coming up to 2 weeks. Need to keep myself squeaky clean for the short term. Will be glad for things to settle down and be safe to allow myself a drink again.

I'm proud of you for being fully sober for two weeks. I would also like to go sober for a little bit maybe starting Nov 1st! So, if you want to support each other in being sober for a bit, please let me know!

 

[n0exit]

I've been sober for 4 and a half long and awful years. I can't physically drink anymore - my body can't keep it down. And it was never my drug of choice anyway, opiates were. And I dont ever have the $$ or the connections. I attempted a couple times via heroin and would have been successful but I wasn't really planning properly back then. I was forced to get sober and while I do have conflicting feelings about relapsing, if someone offered me some dope, I would say yes in a heartbeat. But I know I'd feel somewhat guilty. I do not miss the lifestyle that came w drinking and using heavily, but I have so many chronic physical illnesses (the reason I started using to begin w) and it is hell to be in constant pain 24/7, w no relief and no end in sight.

 

[Hecubaa]

I've been sober for 4 and a half long and awful years. I can't physically drink anymore - my body can't keep it down. And it was never my drug of choice anyway, opiates were. And I dont ever have the $$ or the connections. I attempted a couple times via heroin and would have been successful but I wasn't really planning properly back then. I was forced to get sober and while I do have conflicting feelings about relapsing, if someone offered me some dope, I would say yes in a heartbeat. But I know I'd feel somewhat guilty. I do not miss the lifestyle that came w drinking and using heavily, but I have so many chronic physical illnesses (the reason I started using to begin w) and it is hell to be in constant pain 24/7, w no relief and no end in sight.

While there are parts of your experience I can't relate to (I have never done opiates,) I feel you in terms of your relationship to them and to sobriety. I feel like a lot of people assume that, if someone who abuses a substance were to go sober, their problems would go away. I find it often untrue. I'm in the same boat, if someone offered me [list of substances I did previously] or even opiates, which I never done before, I'd say yes.

 

[n0exit]

While there are parts of your experience I can't relate to (I have never done opiates,) I feel you in terms of your relationship to them and to sobriety. I feel like a lot of people assume that, if someone who abuses a substance were to go sober, their problems would go away. I find it often untrue. I'm in the same boat, if someone offered me [list of substances I did previously] or even opiates, which I never done before, I'd say yes.

exactly. My life got worse in many ways once I got sober. In others, it got better. But the people who think that sobriety is some happy, joyful thing are... naive, heh, IMO. But then again, I know a lot of recovering addicts who are also very happy and healthy now that they're sober. I envy them, and admittedly, I feel bitter. I wish I could be like them. But all the damage I've done to myself caught up w my body, and i can't outrun it. I found out my liver was significantly damaged only a couple days before my 3rd year "sober anniversary". So... yeah, I'm bitter as fuck.

I'm sorry though, that you're in a similar situation. One of my friends who is also in recovery and also miserable summed it up pretty well by saying, "Anyone who says they don't miss it is lying."

 

[Hecubaa]

exactly. My life got worse in many ways once I got sober. In others, it got better. But the people who think that sobriety is some happy, joyful thing are... naive, heh, IMO. But then again, I know a lot of recovering addicts who are also very happy and healthy now that they're sober. I envy them, and admittedly, I feel bitter. I wish I could be like them. But all the damage I've done to myself caught up w my body, and i can't outrun it. I found out my liver was significantly damaged only a couple days before my 3rd year "sober anniversary". So... yeah, I'm bitter as fuck.

I'm sorry though, that you're in a similar situation. One of my friends who is also in recovery and also miserable summed it up pretty well by saying, "Anyone who says they don't miss it is lying."

I'm really sorry about the news you have received about your liver. If there's something great about not having health insurance and not going to doctors to check on my health it's that I can live in denial of what might be going on with my body. I imagine my liver is also significantly damaged (I tend to overdo pills as well, literally any kind other than my ADHD meds) but I really don't want to know it because it would worsen my mental state.

 

[Cloud Busting]

It is very cool this exists.

Substance abuse is not why I wanted to ctb, but substance abuse made me not want to ctb. In a way one could say it saved my life. Until it almost ended it and I realized I no longer want to get pissed hammered or high anymore. Until I do… fuck addiction is horrible.

 

[KillingPain267]

I've been sober for 4 and a half long and awful years. I can't physically drink anymore - my body can't keep it down. And it was never my drug of choice anyway, opiates were. And I dont ever have the $$ or the connections. I attempted a couple times via heroin and would have been successful but I wasn't really planning properly back then. I was forced to get sober and while I do have conflicting feelings about relapsing, if someone offered me some dope, I would say yes in a heartbeat. But I know I'd feel somewhat guilty. I do not miss the lifestyle that came w drinking and using heavily, but I have so many chronic physical illnesses (the reason I started using to begin w) and it is hell to be in constant pain 24/7, w no relief and no end in sight.

Yeah, relatable. Opioid pills were my drug of choice. But I can't afford them. But if I was offered free unlimited pills I would not say no, and I wouldn't feel guilty. When I stopped opioids, I turned to alcohol which is a similar but much worse drug. On opioid pills I was calm and never crazy or nodding off, so nobody ever knew I abused them. On alcohol, I was quickly found out by my family.

I'm really sorry about the news you have received about your liver. If there's something great about not having health insurance and not going to doctors to check on my health it's that I can live in denial of what might be going on with my body. I imagine my liver is also significantly damaged (I tend to overdo pills as well, literally any kind other than my ADHD meds) but I really don't want to know it because it would worsen my mental state.

Pills are much easier on the liver than alcohol in most cases. Hell, even heroin is less harmful than alcohol according to studies. So far, there has not even been a link between opiates and cancer.

 

[Hecubaa]

Yeah, relatable. Opioid pills were my drug of choice. But I can't afford them. But if I was offered free unlimited pills I would not say no, and I wouldn't feel guilty. When I stopped opioids, I turned to alcohol which is a similar but much worse drug. On opioid pills I was calm and never crazy or nodding off, so nobody ever knew I abused them. On alcohol, I was quickly found out by my family.

Pills are much easier on the liver than alcohol in most cases. Hell, even heroin is less harmful than alcohol according to studies. So far, there has not even been a link between opiates and cancer.

I feel that. I am actively destroying mu liver by drinking every day. I always feel like my family is also onto how much I drink alh=though I never talk about it with them. But most times I reply to their messages I'm shitfaced. I would honestly prefer to be addicted to another drug than alcohol.