Alcohol, how it makes you feel, how you feel when you've sobered up

[Life.Journey.Unknown]

I'm drunk, I hope I've posted this correctly. I wanted to start a post on how alcohol/booze/beer helps you cope. For me alcohol helps me relax, until a point. Beyond that alcohol makes me feel sick. I hate that feeling when I close my eyes and everything spins and I feel sick. Using alcohol for depression is a balancing act. And most times it goes over the top and you end up feeling sick. I like that feeling of feeling "buzzing" "merry" but I always want to feel more "out of it". Then I end up feeling sick. I hate that dizzy sick feeling. Alcohol seems to be a balancing act of "buzzing/cheerful" and drunk/spinning/sick. I hope I've posted this correctly as it's my thoughts in a drunken state where I try to understand stuff

 

[Kassender]

It's awesome, until a certain point :
I feel confident, i can say fuck off to the negativity...alive, really.
if i stick to this and drink water before bed, i don't even have a hangover.

Until a certain point, which i just can't help reaching everytime, i get angry.
Like, kick the wooden shelf to pieces angry. Then i cry. Then i calm down but i feel empty.

The problem is once i start, i never want to stop even knowing it will feel like shit a moment after.

 

[Life.Journey.Unknown]

Yes I feel that confidence. That feeling is the best. I want to drink more to make me feel better, because I don't want to sober up because being sober is where reality is. Real life problems, jobs, unemployed etc. Beers/alcohol I feel confident, relaxed, chilled. I like that feeling, I don't want to sober up. I don't know what else to say as I've drunk lots today.
I'm posting this in the recovery section because I think/hope it could help people. Alcohol is confusing because I feel great after drinking it. And I want to have more because I want to keep in that buzzing/drunk/care free feeling. But too much and thing's turn to shit. I'm really drunk now, I want to post my feelings/emotions as I feel to see if people can relate. When I've sobered up I might feel different. I don't know. I've drunk too much atm. Onwards and upwards, much love xx

 

[Deleted member 1465]

It allowed me to overcome my crippling social fear when I was young.
It allowed me to enjoy university.
It allowed me to talk to girls and thus get some action.
It obliterated my OCD.
It destroyed my depression.
It made me feel invulnerable and gave me the ability to feel normal, optimistic and laugh at the world in all its strangeness.
It caused me to behave like an arrogant twat, especially with women.
It got me thrown out of many places.
It caused me to crash my bike.
It caused me massive bowel problems, which have nearly killed me and will likely only get worse.
It has destroyed my metabolism, causing me to have to pee loads.
It has left me with pain in my feet and my legs, though that comes and goes.
My atrocious health caused me to stop sleeping and I got less than an hour asleep for six months.
My failing health caused me to lose my job, my car, my home, my friends, my independence, nearly my family, and pretty much my sanity.
My situation led me to this place and to a suicide attempt.

So, was it worth it?
No.
I gave up for four years due to my bad health.
Now...I have started drinking again, not much by any measure, but it's not good. It's something to look forward to.
But then I'm an alcoholic, it will always be with me, even if I'm always sober, an absence...

 

[Life.Journey.Unknown]

Thank you Underscore for that reply. Hey well done for giving up the booze for four years! That is a great achievement. The last two years my drinking has got a bit too much. Emotional circumstances led to that. I have just gone two months without alcohol. Then a mate said to meet up for a drink. That was a month ago. I thought "yeah I can have a drink and a catch up". But that led to me having too much over the last few weeks.
I need to get my drinking back under control again. One day at a time.
Ok, bold statement - today was my last day of alcohol. I will go one day at a time. I have to stay away from booze. I've gone two months without a drink, but I thought I could have a drink in the pub with a mate. But that lead to me having way too many beers since that time. I now know that I can't have booze because it leads to me having too much. Way too much!
But when I have a week or so drink free it feels like an achievement. When it gets to that stage I don't want to have a drink because it means I'd have to start over again.
Sorry, this is just me thinking out loud. But if anybody is reading this and feels in a similar situation then I hope this helps xx

 

[lucid]

Alcohol definitely has its pros and cons for me. It helps me curb a lot of the anxiety I get either from talking or doing certain things, and really gives me the confidence to just do anything I feel up to.
But at a certain point (usually at random) I just end up breaking down and letting everything out at once. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate that. I don't often let things out because I'm normally not able to, so feeling shitty for a little bit can be nice. Maybe the only bad part is I can occasionally say things I wouldn't normally say because I know it's the wrong thing to say, like what I really think of someone. That's gotten me into a bit of hot water once or twice.
There isn't much difference when I'm sober, since I'm always questioning if I'm still sober or not while drinking so it usually just feels about the same. I do feel pretty relieved after fully sobering up though. Don't tend to get hangovers, so that's a plus as well.

 

[GravityUtilizer]

Yeah I just did a year sober and am now trying to mostly moderate, to varying degrees of success... I was more depressed abstinent but booze gets me into trouble. I fucking love it though.

 

[muffin222]

It makes me anxious because I worry about the damage being done to my organs from alcohol consumption. I know I'm on a suicide forum, so it may seem counter-intuitive to worry about my health, but I do

 

[mathieu]

I have a tolerance so it usually doesn't really affect me. I've stopped drinking because I'm trying to lose weight and it's just empty calories. I don't really miss it.

 

[Life.Journey.Unknown]

Ugghh well last night I had trouble sleeping and was sick a couple of times.
@muffin222 yes I totally understand the anxiety from worrying about damage to liver etc. I've just got some fruits and veg that help cleanse the liver. I've just got a couple of lemons, a grapefruit and a carton of beetroot juice. I've heard that those things help the body and liver detox.

I feel so much better when I haven't been drinking. Usually once I've gone a couple of weeks alcohol free then it's easier to not give in to it.

Sometimes I see people out enjoying a glass of wine or a cold beer and I think "Look at them sipping their drinks in a civilised way, making that glass last forever..." because I know if it was me, after that one glass I'd be wanting more and more. I'm like Cookie Monster from Sesame Street. But with beers.

 

[Doormat]

I love it - it's my favourite drug. It makes all the sharp edges nice and soft. I'm a happy drunk even when I'm razzed. I have a self-imposed limit so I don't black out. I've managed to cut my drinking right down by moving to an area where it is difficult to get hold of. Unfortunately, I have replaced it with chocolate so I'm the size of a house

 

[ritsulover]

When I drink I usually take benzos like clonazepam, lorazepam, or xanax with it cause it makes the high better. I feel less anxious and a little more happy. Nowadays I picked up smoking and I'll do all 3 sometimes and it feels good, or just smoking and drinking is alright.

Drinking by itself though is kinda boring to me. I dont get a high off it. Maybe I'll feel less anxious. Thats it

 

[leiche]

alcohol really comforts me and cheers me up, under its effect i can dance and sing not thinking about what others think about me and my problems, they just vanish. felt bad in the moring only once - we drank TOO much and promised we'll never do this again

 

[H2H2]

Never had that liberating effect on me. I remember very back in the day that effect sometimes if I didnt drink too much. Once it became a daily habit it felt more like being numb. Didnt notice until many years later the numbness, like a veil. Trying to stop have been much worse to my health than drinking mindlessly. At least then I was ignorant, now its 1/3 of the month drinking to exhaustion and 2/3 trying to quit more or less. Overall I drink less on a montly basis, I think. Im not crying when Im drinking, but I drink and then 30 minutes later start to be upset because I have drank and then an hour later Im drinking again. Like two brain waves taking turns. It only stops when Im bordering exhaustion, then I can try to quit again. I started tracking my consumption a year and a half ago. I have misplaced the notebook from 2019. Sometimes when Im clearheaded I look at the charts of 2020 and they look surreal. It took me so long to notice. I was able to quits habits like smoking and others withuot much effort but I never thought of quitting drinking. It was something that I just did , like eating, and it help me to sleep. I didnt notice until long after that it was also linked to my anxiety. Even the first times that I tried to quit and I couldnt I didnt think too much about it. I know deep inside that I cant stop. I can feel the alcohol in my face and my skin and it makes me cry. This only happened after I tried to quit and I couldnt.

 

[alexit]

I'm a happy drunk. I love to drink but it is the worst drug. The whole puking thing, yuk.

 

[TheQ22]

I do and say stupid things when I'm drunk, it's probably played a large role in getting me into the mess I'm in. I did this thing recently (like brain reprogramming) and I've realised I was drinking to supress feelings, and after 5 years of feeling like I was fighting myself to try and stop with no success, I've now quit for a month straight, except for having a couple of beers on my birthday in a restaurant.

It's the longest I've managed to abstain in that time, previous record was almost 2 weeks, I managed that once. I just do not want a drink at all any more.

However... now I have to face and deal with these feelings, and the anxiety has brought me here. So maybe alcohol was indeed a successful-ish self medication.

Im not crying when Im drinking, but I drink and then 30 minutes later start to be upset because I have drank and then an hour later Im drinking again. Like two brain waves taking turns.

That is exactly what I discovered, I came to the conclusion from some stuff I'd learned that it's like having 2 brains fighting each other over whether to drink or not.

The conscious cognitive brain (the newer brain) knows you should stop and is trying to use logic to stop you, the older brain, the survival bit that controls the fight or flight mechanism is freaking out saying "bad feelings are rising, that's danger - you need to drink to stop the danger".

I think that's what's happeneing - your rational brain is trying to stop, and you're survival ancient brain is freaking out and trying to over-rule it, because it knows alcohol makes the bad feelings go away, and it's too stupid to know the bad feelings are not real and not real danger.

So I kind of turned it off. Then had a 3 day anxiety attack when my world came into full technicolour focus and I thought what the fuck have I done to my life, how do I sort this shitting mess out?

So successful at stopping drinking, not so successful at making me feel better.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Unfortunately, I just feel numb when I'm drinking/drunk. Really numb. Physically, I may feel like I'm floating and disconnected from my body. It seems like I either feel floaty or normal.

 

[IsThisTheEnd?]

It's the longest I've managed to abstain in that time, previous record was almost 2 weeks, I managed that once. I just do not want a drink at all any more

good for you (thumbs up emoji)

 

[Deleted member 1465]

It's amazing how fast it regains control. Four years sober, then I thought I'd have a sneaky glass of wine. Then it was two glasses, then three, then a whole bottle vanishes easily and I just want more. So much for doing tolerance effects.
The sad truth is, if it wasn't for the health effects, it really does have a positive benefit to my mental health as long is it's in moderation.

 

[TheQ22]

It's amazing how fast it regains control. Four years sober, then I thought I'd have a sneaky glass of wine. Then it was two glasses, then three, then a whole bottle vanishes easily and I just want more. So much for doing tolerance effects.
The sad truth is, if it wasn't for the health effects, it really does have a positive benefit to my mental health as long is it's in moderation.

I've come to the conclusion I can't drink in moderation. I had 1 1/2 pints on my birthday. Next day I decided to get a 4 pack. Next day I wanted more but was planning on getting 8 - so thought no, I don't want to slip back into that and stopped myself.

As soon as I've stopped and am not thinking about it I'm fine, but I could tell that I could easily get right back to it again, so I think I need to abstain from here onwards, however long that might be.

 

[Sarahlynn]

Unfortunately, I just feel numb when I'm drinking/drunk. Really numb. Physically, I may feel like I'm floating and disconnected from my body. It seems like I either feel floaty or normal.

I might be misunderstanding here, but isn't that a good thing...? If I drink when depressed, I do it to get a break, slow the storm in my head, and just numb my brain. If I do social drinking, the alcohol numbs me enough to appear somewhat normal (although drunk) to others.

I prefer weed over alcohol. Alcohol is so easy to overdo, and then I get sick, and I'm almost always sick the next day. Weed never makes me sick, if I overdo it I just get really tired and get a very good nights sleep. And then feel so much better the next day. When I am very depressed, weed also makes me able to eat, which again also makes me feel better.

 

[zeroshark]

alcohol used to make me very dizzy-woozy-numb which was perfect and delightful. the last 3 times i drank i was frustrated because i couldnt even manage to get buzzed, and then woke up 6 hours later covered in puke. trying to stick to weed now since at least if i have too much of that i dont cause a scene, just lay in bed staring at the ceiling.

 

[TheQ22]

I might be misunderstanding here, but isn't that a good thing...? If I drink when depressed, I do it to get a break, slow the storm in my head, and just numb my brain. If I do social drinking, the alcohol numbs me enough to appear somewhat normal (although drunk) to others.

I prefer weed over alcohol. Alcohol is so easy to overdo, and then I get sick, and I'm almost always sick the next day. Weed never makes me sick, if I overdo it I just get really tired and get a very good nights sleep. And then feel so much better the next day. When I am very depressed, weed also makes me able to eat, which again also makes me feel better.

That's why I was drinking, to numb the brain and shut down the feelings.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I might be misunderstanding here, but isn't that a good thing...? If I drink when depressed, I do it to get a break, slow the storm in my head, and just numb my brain. If I do social drinking, the alcohol numbs me enough to appear somewhat normal (although drunk) to others.

I prefer weed over alcohol. Alcohol is so easy to overdo, and then I get sick, and I'm almost always sick the next day. Weed never makes me sick, if I overdo it I just get really tired and get a very good nights sleep. And then feel so much better the next day. When I am very depressed, weed also makes me able to eat, which again also makes me feel better.

Mm, maybe I misunderstand why people drink. When they're drunk, my mom would get goofy, my sibling is more outgoing. Coworkers looked like they were having fun when they would get a bit drunk. I just kinda thought a lot of people drank because it helps them feel happy or something. So when I would get drunk and feel numb as always, it really sucked. I didn't like it. Drinking a bunch just made it worse.

 

[netrezven]

I usually drink mix vodka with tonic, love jack and rom, and many more. Use them to switch or co-front with one of my alters. When it works we have really lots of fun.

 

[Amumu]

I mix Jack and Daniel's with valium or opiates.
It's extremely dangerous but it feels really good.
Alcohol is like a friend who tells me:
"forget all this shit, now just enjoy, everything is going to be ok"

 

[Sarahlynn]

Mm, maybe I misunderstand why people drink. When they're drunk, my mom would get goofy, my sibling is more outgoing. Coworkers looked like they were having fun when they would get a bit drunk. I just kinda thought a lot of people drank because it helps them feel happy or something. So when I would get drunk and feel numb as always, it really sucked. I didn't like it. Drinking a bunch just made it worse.

I defo have more fun while drunk. It numbs the bad stuff so that I am able to focus on silly stuff. I get very influenced by the mood though, it's easier to "go with the funny flow" when I'm drunk and don't hyperfixate on the catastrophe that is my life.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I defo have more fun while drunk. It numbs the bad stuff so that I am able to focus on silly stuff. I get very influenced by the mood though, it's easier to "go with the funny flow" when I'm drunk and don't hyperfixate on the catastrophe that is my life.

Ahh, maybe if I drink again I'll go into it with that mindset. Thanks. :)

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Makes me feel like I'm not alone, or if I am, at least I don't care. I'm pissed now and loving it. Tomorrow I will suffer, more than you will know. I have no doubt that alcoholism, for all my good noise, will claim me in the end. If only I had something else that was actually worth living for.

 

[Life.Journey.Unknown]

I haven't been on here much since I started this topic. I can relate to a lot of the posts on here x

Since I last posted I've had a few times where I've had too much to drink. It works out about once a week, so I'm gradually easing myself off it.

I've been sober and clear-headed for a few days now and feel better for it.

I'd just like to describe how a typical beer drinking day would go for me.
On a day where I end up drinking it goes a little something like this -
In the afternoon I give in to the temptation and go and buy a few bottles of beer. I feel good because of the anticipation of chilling out with some cold beers while I watch youtube stuff or listen to music. I feel good because it feels like a treat.

I drink the first bottle. I enjoyed that! And I still feel good because I have more bottles lined up. I carry on googling random stuff, listening to music etc etc.

Gradually time goes by, the empty bottles build up and I'm starting to feel rough. I have to concentrate when I walk because my balance is all over the place. At this point I think "Maybe I shouldn't drink that last bottle...." I ponder that thought for a while. I usually end up drinking it.

At this point my depression feels horrible. I feel hopeless about my life. I end up googling and listening to depressing music by Lil Peep and Ghostemane, an acoustic song by Seether called Fine Again. Yeah I feel shit at this point of my drinking day. I think more about suicide, I have less hope for the future, I dwell on things too much...

I'm going to stop with my descriptions there because it's putting me in that mindset again. I'm sort of typing as the thoughts and emotions come into my mind.

I'm doing my best to go sober because I want a clear head when trying to deal with my emotions.

I know now that I can't just have the one beer, because it ALWAYS leads to more.

"One drink is too many. And ten is never enough"
That's what I tell myself when I'm tempted to have a beer now x