Help Aggression vs Violence (BPD and Bipolar)

[puppy9]

I read that this two are not the same. I've realized my family cashed in this stigma about Bipolar Disorder and BPD just for me to submit to them. They gave me lots of hints that I'm potential for murder. But with all the rage I had, never once it came across my mind to even attempt to raise my hand. But they made me feel like I'm capable of such and worse.

Can you guys clarify between aggression and violence? I need to deconstruct the emotional manipulation that's been embedded by them.

 

[BPD Barbie]

If you Google BPD some pretty horrible things come up and it has a nasty stigma around it that people with BPD are violent, manipulative, aggressors etc. Most of the people with BPD I've come across haven't been like this at all, that's not to say those people don't exist because they do, but do I think it's down to BPD that they are like they are? Probably not. I'm sure you're a lovely person with a good heart, people are very uneducated about these types of illnesses and are quick to judge based on a few short minutes of reading. I have both BPD and Bipolar so I can relate to how it feels to be misunderstood and made to think you're capable of things you wouldn't dream of doing.

 

[mathieu]

I have BPD and bipolar (or schizoaffective not sure which is current) and I'm not violent or aggressive. I don't like confrontation, I avoid it.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Aggression: hostile or violent behavior or attitudes toward another; readiness to attack or confront.


To me, aggression is pushing your energy toward someone in an angry or hostile way with a goal to overcome. As opposed to...


Assertion: the action of stating something or exercising authority confidently and forcefully.


To me, assertion stands firmly where it is, and from there, either pushes something off that doesn't belong, or says, "This is my space and where I stand," whereas aggression pushes toward another space or person to take over.


Violence: behavior involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something. In law: the unlawful exercise of physical force or intimidation by the exhibition of such force.

 

[WinterFaust]

It's really important to understand that Bipolar and BPD effects people differently. Everyone presents in their own ways. There are a lot of people like yourself who are never aggressive and never violent during episodes or outside of them. I would say, purely anecdotally mind you, that most people aren't. If you've never been aggressive or violent there is no reason for your family to think otherwise. It seems like they're just using Bipolar and BPD as an excuse so that you don't have any autonomy. If you know that's not you, don't take on that narrative that they're forcing onto you. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

I will say though, that Bipolar rage and aggression is a real thing that some people unfortunately experience. Just to be transparent, I've experienced it once during mania before. My mania was triggered by an ssri but it was pretty textbook, psychosis, aggression, etc. So while I wasn't homicidal, the aggression was there. I often see other bipolar folks say things like "that wasn't bipolar, that's just how they are as a person." I find that assertion interesting.

 

[puppy9]

. It seems like they're just using Bipolar and BPD as an excuse so that you don't have any autonomy

They're keeping me into that category and influence others to do such. I feel helpless even to state my opinion, coz they'll always say "You're sick and you don't know what you're doing." Even a slight irk from me, they'll perceive as a sickness.
But when others that mentally healthy experienced rage or any violence they'll never judge em the way they judged me. They call me delusional and refuse to listen even when I'm stating a rational argument. They'll just quote as above.

Thanks guys for the kind replies.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

How long ago were you diagnosed?

 

[netrezven]

Violence can be done without any kind of aggression, like hugs and kisses, and then pull the trigger. Aggression is more like playing poker.

 

[Sensei]

Just for the record, there are many studies which show that on average, mentally ill people aren't more violent than the general population. The only exception is bipolar people who commit more violent crimes, but these crimes are almost exclusively drug-related; bipolar people more often get addicted to drugs than the general population. In other words, they commit these crimes because they are drug addicts, not because they're mentally ill.

 

[netrezven]

Just for the record, there are many studies which show that on average, mentally ill people aren't more violent than the general population. The only exception is bipolar people who commit more violent crimes, but these crimes are almost exclusively drug-related; bipolar people more often get addicted to drugs than the general population. In other words, they commit these crimes because they are drug addicts, not because they're mentally ill.

I keep spending my time doing many crimes almost every single day, but it's not my bipolar :) anyway I hate all the stigmas around mentally ill people. "Normal" does not exists. "Normal" people are simply pretending and requesting the same in order to adapt to their miserable society.

 

[puppy9]

How long ago were you diagnosed?

Approximately 2 years. Why?

 

[DyingAlf]

Reading between the lines (probably projecting or something) here so I might be wrong.......
Are you angry? Are your parents confusing anger with aggression & violence?

I don't know many people with Bipolar but I know lots of people with BPD &/or trauma related mental illness & there's a lot of anger in a lot of them but not many of them act out with aggression or violence (except some of them towards themselves only).

I often feel anger but only ever take it out on myself.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Approximately 2 years. Why?

Did they only start to treat you this way after you were diagnosed?

If you've been pretty consistently the same way, and you weren't violent before the diagnosis, then you're not going to suddenly become violent. If anything, people who have such diagnoses are more likely to be victims than aggressors, and it sounds like they're going on the attack because of your diagnosis. You're exactly the same person you were before you were diagnosed.

You probably know all this, they need to hear it. If they can't hear it, you're safer being away from them. They're the ones who are being aggressive! That must have been so confusing and hurtful. You're still the same you, and now they see you as a diagnosis instead of you. Grr!

 

[puppy9]

Did they only start to treat you this way after you were diagnosed?

If you've been pretty consistently the same way, and you weren't violent before the diagnosis, then you're not going to suddenly become violent. If anything, people who have such diagnoses are more likely to be victims than aggressors, and it sounds like they're going on the attack because of your diagnosis. You're exactly the same person you were before you were diagnosed.

You probably know all this, they need to hear it. If they can't hear it, you're safer being away from them. They're the ones who are being aggressive! That must have been so confusing and hurtful. You're still the same you, and now they see you as a diagnosis instead of you. Grr!

Yes they're. How do you know?

I've not been violent before the and after the diagnosis, just a hotheaded person. Before the diagnosis they got nothing to use against me but it all came spiraling down after the diagnosis. Yes they've been using my diagnosis to attack me in every way they can. The disgusting part is the doctors are in it too by fueling the stigmas. They trust her and even lied together to hide my diagnosis coz they thought that I can't accept the bipolar.
Why people with mental illness is likely to be a victim of abuse? I always beat myself up for not being normal to them, I've noticed that (I'm sorry) is being used a lot so they won't see me as a monster.

No matter how I explained they still wanna believe that my diagnosis is me. I can't breathe now, I should've not seek psychiatric help two years ago. Now I'm so sad that this happened. I've called my mom yesterday to ask for my dad's number, she immediately jumped to a conclusion that I wanna stay with him and when I said no she told me that his number is deleted. It's weird because she never will delete his number no matter what. Instead I ask the number for the person who knows him; she said she'll give me and added excuses about her phone was charging. No phone number is given.

I sent her a message regarding the cat's wellbeing and usually she's willing to drop everything for her but she doesn't even reply . Yesterday she told me that she'll come home and discuss about what happened and conveniently the car needed repairs and she can't come home.

Now I'm confused whether she's lying or not. Now my thoughts is torturing me with the idea they're intentionally doing this. I'm very suicidal because of it.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Why people with mental illness is likely to be a victim of abuse

Because they're different and people react strongly to that. Because abusers can more likely get away with it because people who have mental illness are treated as crazy and therefore not believed.

I didn't understand your first sentence in the post so I couldn't answer the question. But as far as what I wrote, I didn't know, it's just what I perceived from everything you wrote, and I've also had various incorrect diagnoses and been blamed for things, and I also have a way of often being able to see and understand abuse patterns.

I understand your frustration. I think it would be a good idea to take a break from your mom and sister. I don't think they intentionally target you to hurt you, but of course I don't know them. I just think it's likely that they have their own issues, are ignorant, have bad or incomplete information, and that they're misinterpreting your actions and are blaming you and making you into a monster that you're not. And now you're questioning yourself because you were gaslighted. They tell you what you're doing rather than asking. That's confusing and frustrating.

It bothers me that the doctors are talking to your family when you're an adult. I know you're not in a Western country where medical privacy is protected, but this is exactly why it should be, and I'm pissed off on your behalf. The doctors are harming your personal relationships by interfering and they have no right to do that, or maybe they have a legal right to, but certainly not a human right.

 

[puppy9]

@GoodPersonEffed thanks for making me understand what I'm experiencing, it helps me a lot. At least I know that I'm not a monster they think I am.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

@GoodPersonEffed thanks for making me understand what I'm experiencing, it helps me a lot. At least I know that I'm not a monster they think I am.

Well, I think it's most important for you to define your experience for yourself, so if something I said doesn't fit, then of course don't accept it. But that's the thing, your mom and sister don't seem to accept your ability to define or know yourself. And then if you get stressed or defensive, then it's your bipolar or BPD that's causing it, not their bullshit, and you're violent. Ugh! If anything, it sounds crazy making!

 

[Sensei]

I keep spending my time doing many crimes almost every single day, but it's not my bipolar :)

Should I take it that you comment on my post without having read it and thought it through properly? The conclusion of what I wrote is that bipolar people who don't have addiction problems don't commit more violent crimes than the general population. Think before you post the next time, please.

 

[netrezven]

Should I take it that you comment on my post without having read it and thought it through properly? The conclusion of what I wrote is that bipolar people who don't have addiction problems don't commit more violent crimes than the general population. Think before you post the next time, please.

I just liked what you wrote. It just happens to be ironic compared to some parts of me. I meant what I wrote literally. Sorry.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Just for the record, there are many studies which show that on average, mentally ill people aren't more violent than the general population.

ive kinda had a question about this for a while but, im not talking minor things where you get pissed off for a second and throw something but bigger things that get you put in jail, how mentally sable can one actually be to do that? you can claim insanity but it like never works. i mean to actually go out and do these things that can put you in jail you cant exactly be the most mentally stable person in the world.

 

[Sensei]

I just liked what you wrote. It just happens to be ironic compared to some parts of me. I meant what I wrote literally. Sorry.

I'm sorry, I interpreted it as mocking. No need to quarrel, then.

ive kinda had a question about this for a while but, im not talking minor things where you get pissed off for a second and throw something but bigger things that get you put in jail, how mentally sable can one actually be to do that? you can claim insanity but it like never works. i mean to actually go out and do these things that can put you in jail you cant exactly be the most mentally stable person in the world.

Maybe I'm thick, but I don't really understand what you're point is. Would you mind elaborating?

 

[Life_and_Death]

Maybe I'm thick, but I don't really understand what you're point is. Would you mind elaborating?

maybe its just me but i cant see a mentally stable person going out and robbing someone or committing murder. so i dont see how mentally stable people arent less violent. (also no it was probably me im not always the best at explaining things lol)

 

[Sensei]

maybe its just me but i cant see a mentally stable person going out and robbing someone or committing murder. so i dont see how mentally stable people arent less violent. (also no it was probably me im not always the best at explaining things lol)

Don't you think it would have shown in the statistics then?

 

[Life_and_Death]

Don't you think it would have shown in the statistics then?

That's the part that I don't get. It just doesn't make sense to me. Why would a "normal" person be triggered to do the same things as a mentally ill person with no triggers.

 

[Sensei]

That's the part that I don't get. It just doesn't make sense to me. Why would a "normal" person be triggered to do the same things as a mentally ill person with no triggers.

Most criminals are cold and calculating people who aren't mentally ill. Why does someone who robs someone else to get money have to be mentally ill? They may simply need money to for instance buy drugs.