Discussion Age Problem& being immature

[KleinerWolf]

For context I'm 26 but I often feel like I lack certain life experiences and that because I haven't yet achieved certain milestones in life, things such as a long term relationship/marriage or a stable job that pays well etc, and also because I have very limited friend group, I often feel like I'm more immature than my actual age.

I actually feel like I'm 19 or some shit.
It makes me feel inadequate.

Can anyone relate?

 

[so tired or manic]

i'm 31 and while I've had what most would consider serious relationships, my financial life didn't get past retail work before getting disability. Now I'm single as can be and jobless and poor as fuck so it's hard to relate to anyone my age. Even living at parents because any apartments I can afford don't allow pets and renting a room isn't fair to the little guys.

sometimes it's hard to not compare, but I usually wind up telling myself if they went through even a little bit of what I've gone through they wouldn't be any better off.

 

[Alucard]

Last year, I had a job, a house and all. But that's was not for me. Now I've nothing, and I want to die.

 

[timf]

You can drive yourself nuts comparing yourself to others. It often places a burden of "should" on your shoulders that does nit belong there. It can even start a toxic process of envy, bitterness, and malcontent.

If you consider you are unique in the universe, it may help to carve out a niche in expectations that are better suited to your own uniqueness.

Others may excel in art, athletics, music, finance, popularity, or fame. However, often what is presented to us as ideal is in reality a facade and the people who are caught in it can end up prisoners of their own constructed image.

 

[pickajack]

@StrokeMyEgoBaby yes, can definitely relate. In school was always super young for my grade and always felt too small, undeveloped, immature. Then, dropped out for a few years after getting sectioned and when came back, felt too old. Could never get it right. :(
Never aspired to have kids or a house or career. I feel bad about it, especially the career, like it makes me less than, or like my brother said "not a real adult". Does hurt.

When I'm not comparing myself to others/societal norms or getting dragged down by dark thoughts, I am grateful for the freedom to pursue the life I deem interesting/important. Sometimes even feel excited. Wish I could be in that state more often :(

 

[suicidebabyseal]

I'm 25 and I feel like I'm supposed to be 17. I dropped out university several times and I don't feel suitable for working due to my lack of skills and anxiety. The longer relationship I have had lasted 7 months and was pretty shitty. I don't feel like I can achieve anything in life.

 

[Life_and_Death]

i wish i only acted like im 19. thanks to my disorders and lack of teenage years (thank you my irresponsible mother i loved raising a child that wasnt mine at 13) anyway if im really happy i tend to act like im 5

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I'm only 18 but I have the maturity of a 12 year old if that means anything. Things like dating and talking to new people feel totally foreign and scary to me, and I can never organise my time and emotions.

 

[Woodnote]

I can definitely relate. I just turned 24 but feel like I'm 18 from my lack of experiences.

 

[pickajack]

One way I am making slow progress on maturity is redirecting my focus outside myself and my own pain.

In moments when I recognize others I instinctively move to help in any small way I can. I see others doing this on forums here all the time. In this way, we are all building maturity and social skills just by virtue of encouraging each other.

 

[Deleted member 19276]

I know what you mean. With the same age and I might as well be 14 when it comes to life related skills and activities.
I sit my butt in front of a computer all day long and... That's pretty much it.
No hope for a future with a house, or a dog, or a wife or any of those things.
Not that they are meant for me, for some reason I feel as if I fail to click. :/

 

[KleinerWolf]

One way I am making slow progress on maturity is redirecting my focus outside myself and my own pain.

In moments when I recognize others I instinctively move to help in any small way I can. I see others doing this on forums here all the time. In this way, we are all building maturity and social skills just by virtue of encouraging each other.

That'd be a good starting point to grow as a person regarding social skills and empathy.
I like that! :)

I know what you mean. With the same age and I might as well be 14 when it comes to life related skills and activities.
I sit my butt in front of a computer all day long and... That's pretty much it.
No hope for a future with a house, or a dog, or a wife or any of those things.
Not that they are meant for me, for some reason I feel as if I fail to click. :/

You and me both.
A lot of work still needs to be done,
if we are to go "conventional" way of living.

Im not against unconventional ways of living/values etc.
but I'd say a large proportion of people find pleasures in having financial stability, responsibility& companionship.

That's assuming things don't go wrong once you get there hehe.

 

[draw a circle]

Same. I seem quite achieved when I was younger because I'm a "gifted kid" or whatever and I'm only skilled in "useless" things like drawing and learning other languages. I'm far too carefree and lazy and dreamed of the ideal life too much to survive in the real world. I think I can live with that but who would want to? I feel like I'm childish because I don't want to struggle more than I have to (like politics and sucking up to people and bureaucracy). I can handle working hard but I hate how the world works. I missed the opportunity to do internships as well due to lack of information and bad time management and that adds to my anxiety because I don't know what to do. I'm often lost in this world but with no one to ask because I'm expected to do everything by myself like everyone else, but I can't. I needed directions. Sorry, I accidentally vented here.

I'm 21 and I feel like I'm stuck in 19 as well. Am I immature just because I don't want to be miserable like any other adults? (Not saying I don't wanna work; I have my own visions of my future but it's not cool or rich enough for my family to be satisfied.) I also think I still have the chance to fuck shit up like drop out or something, but I'm too scared to disappoint my parents.

 

[JoeFailure]

I'm 35 but mentally I'm probably more like 23. Maybe not even.

 

[Nyxx33]

I am 33 but feel like I've been stuck at 15 for 18 years. I've been terrible at relationships, overly emotional (even when my logical brain doesn't understand it my emotional reaction to things are that of a child), and especially as of late completely irresponsible (thinking I'd be dead by now anyway. Boy am I paying for it). I always feel like just watching in the shadows and not participating in life because it's just frustrating and overwhelming the delusions I get into my head and clearly seeing how much more functional most people are. Lock me up, throw the key away please.

 

[so tired or manic]

I was thinking about how when I was growing up I had to help take care of my special needs brother. I didn't mind at all, but it had me mature far faster than anyone around me with a mixture of a good dose of unrelated trauma. somewhere in my 20s I must have slipped backwards to learn the stuff I missed out on with normal growth.

 

[Intheo]

I'm in my 30s but I also feel like I should be in my early 20s considering how I little I achieved in life

 

[Sinai Silence]

I wish I had any sort of life experience to help me not feel the way I am. I get treated the same by my parents its humiliating.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Yes I definitely relate! I'm in my late 20s and I have accomplished absolutely nothing in life. I have severe anxiety and agoraphobia so I never leave home and can't do something as simple as getting groceries or going to a restaurant, I don't have a job (mostly due to mental/physical problems), I didn't get my driver's license until way way later in life (and I never drive anyway) my mom takes me to appointments and makes all my calls for me, I have only 2 friends but they are online, I did get married but I think he just pitied me and wanted to help not this whirlwind love soulmate stuff (I worry he will leave me anyway because I made his life worse). I feel trapped in the mind of a child but the body of a 60 year old due to pain.

 

[pickajack]

. I feel trapped in the mind of a child but the body of a 60 year old due to pain.

Def relate to this.

 

[TheSoulless]

18 physically, 10-13 mentally.

Sometimes I do big boy things like drinking and smoking to make myself feel like a grown-up.

 

[voyager (D)]

I am 55. But 4 months ago I was 19. I got to know Lady Grinning Soul, fell in love, danced across the fields and dusted my world with powdered sugar.

It went 2 months. Then she closed the door. Now I feel like 74. I think the numbers were just added up.

 

[Mm80]

Can definitely relate. Im autistic and i think that plays a part too.
The problem is that society does expect us to take on responsibilities and grow up and develop within a predictable timeframe.
If you dont follow this you become an outcast to many.

 

[KleinerWolf]

I am 55. But 4 months ago I was 19. I got to know Lady Grinning Soul, fell in love, danced across the fields and dusted my world with powdered sugar.

It went 2 months. Then she closed the door. Now I feel like 74. I think the numbers were just added up.

Is she a singer?
I don't know her >.<

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

I'm 31 chronologically, but like... real age? Mental? Maybe 16.
Spent half of my life literally sitting and waiting. I'm still sitting and waiting, but at least I'm closer to the action now.

 

[voyager (D)]

Is she a singer?
I don't know her >.<

My Lady Grinning Soul wasn't a singer, but she sang the melody of my soul to me.

"Lady Grinning Soul" is a song by David Bowie. He seemed to have known her at the time. ;-)

 

[wiIIow]

I understand the feeling, though in a way I've struggled with both feeling immature and feeling I've aged beyond my years. As far as having my shit together and understanding how to interact with other humans, I feel incredibly stunted (likely a combination of autism and abuse). However, being abused from a young age forced me to grow up quickly and learn survival skills that have helped to age me - along with chronic pain.

It used to bother me a lot. It still does sometimes, but I figure that those standards that I've compared myself to are based on a broken society wherein you are considered useless if you cannot produce, cast out if you don't follow the point A -> point B format drilled into our brains from youth, and are infantilized and degraded if you are mentally ill.

Basically, there's no correct way to live life, and all these structures put in place simply don't work for everyone - and there's nothing wrong with that. it's all bullshit anyway lol

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I suppose it's funny because I've always been called an "old soul" while I was in school and college. In reality, I'm almost in my mid-twenties and feel very immature. Sometimes I feel 13-15, sometimes about 18.

It's my own fault, really. I was too afraid to do anything when I was younger. It's a miracle I went to college. My life is ruled by fear.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

I can relate!

I'm 50 this year (I still can't believe I made it this far!) and if we met you might think I'm a bubbly 30 year old and a hard-nose in my job. But when I'm behind closed doors I clutch a teddy bear in the dark, rocking back and forth. I'm terrified of everything and everyone. But, because it all looks "normal" I don't get taken seriously when I ask for help or express any fears or doubts.

 

[Eren]

I feel related to this, I am more or less your age (25 years) but I feel mentally like 16/17.

The only thing I do when I am not working is to be in front of the computer, my social life is practically nil, if I compare myself with people my age it shows that I am much more immature than the rest.

The older I get, the more it shows that I am mentally like a teenager and that I will never have a normal life like people my age.