M
MyLifeMyChoice
Sad man.
- Aug 14, 2020
- 40
Greeting ladies and gentlemen. I am creating this post to give you a little introduction of myself and to express my feelings. I had planned to tell you my whole story, but I just could not continue writing. So, I decided it is better to just express the feelings I have.
I am a male from India, I currently am a university student. English is not my first language, so kindly forgive any grammatical errors.
Long story short, I have for reasons I do not want to list, no real wish to live now. I had many painful(emotionally) and humiliating moments in my life, they affected me badly. I went for counseling a few times, but none really helped, I was always told I am ok, in the sense that I have no mental problems, no depression. I may be mentally fit, but I am in no way ok. I am a 'weak person', or so they say, but I still managed to hold on, until the past few months.
The past few months have been the worst I ever had, my spirit is completely shattered. The pain, physical and mental, I am unable to bear it any longer. I do not want to live a painful life, where peace is non-existent. I come to realize this world is just not the place for me. And I am sorry again for not giving any background to why I feel like this. I am not lying, my hands start to shake and my eyes start to shed tear as I try to think about those things. I might write them later in this thread if I wish to, but I most likely would not. Please do not ask me the reasons for my feelings.
I feel the human body is horrible, no matter how strong you make yourself your body is literally scattered with weak points that can be easily exploited by anybody who ideally has the element of surprise or has brought friends with him or her i.e. being a bully victim is easy no matter how many self defense classes you take, specially when the bullies themselves are all training in martial arts. There are too many organs in the body, and it is too easy to damage each and cripple the person for his life. Then we have these big brains who do more harm then good. Why? I think the old phrase 'ignorance is bliss' totally sums it up. There are many things about the world and about myself that I wish I never learnt, things I wish I never felt the way I did. Finding peace in this world is impossible, at least for me, this world is not just the place for me I think. I now have experienced and learnt things that I can not live with any longer.
But I am in no hurry, I want to properly research the methods and talk with the people here a little. Anybody who has attempted suicide would know how difficult it is to do it, those damn survival instincts kick in at the right time. And you must have heard stories of people failing suicide, and getting their faces deformed, limbs damaged for life and brains damaged, and are now being forced to live. I do not understand how a person who was already suffering can live 'a better life' in such condition. Under any case, they would be worse off. So I am going to be pretty careful here. I would probably get only one chance at it, and I have to pick the best method possible and execute it as well as I can.
Anyway, the post looks longer than I intended, without communicating much. Thank you for reading this.
I am a male from India, I currently am a university student. English is not my first language, so kindly forgive any grammatical errors.
Long story short, I have for reasons I do not want to list, no real wish to live now. I had many painful(emotionally) and humiliating moments in my life, they affected me badly. I went for counseling a few times, but none really helped, I was always told I am ok, in the sense that I have no mental problems, no depression. I may be mentally fit, but I am in no way ok. I am a 'weak person', or so they say, but I still managed to hold on, until the past few months.
The past few months have been the worst I ever had, my spirit is completely shattered. The pain, physical and mental, I am unable to bear it any longer. I do not want to live a painful life, where peace is non-existent. I come to realize this world is just not the place for me. And I am sorry again for not giving any background to why I feel like this. I am not lying, my hands start to shake and my eyes start to shed tear as I try to think about those things. I might write them later in this thread if I wish to, but I most likely would not. Please do not ask me the reasons for my feelings.
I feel the human body is horrible, no matter how strong you make yourself your body is literally scattered with weak points that can be easily exploited by anybody who ideally has the element of surprise or has brought friends with him or her i.e. being a bully victim is easy no matter how many self defense classes you take, specially when the bullies themselves are all training in martial arts. There are too many organs in the body, and it is too easy to damage each and cripple the person for his life. Then we have these big brains who do more harm then good. Why? I think the old phrase 'ignorance is bliss' totally sums it up. There are many things about the world and about myself that I wish I never learnt, things I wish I never felt the way I did. Finding peace in this world is impossible, at least for me, this world is not just the place for me I think. I now have experienced and learnt things that I can not live with any longer.
But I am in no hurry, I want to properly research the methods and talk with the people here a little. Anybody who has attempted suicide would know how difficult it is to do it, those damn survival instincts kick in at the right time. And you must have heard stories of people failing suicide, and getting their faces deformed, limbs damaged for life and brains damaged, and are now being forced to live. I do not understand how a person who was already suffering can live 'a better life' in such condition. Under any case, they would be worse off. So I am going to be pretty careful here. I would probably get only one chance at it, and I have to pick the best method possible and execute it as well as I can.
Anyway, the post looks longer than I intended, without communicating much. Thank you for reading this.